When Your Kids Are Grown; Meet My Mom.

Welcome to Real Life Momz. I'm your host, Lisa Foster, and Real Life Momz is a podcast. That's all about real conversations about real issues that parents deal with every day. Our mission is to connect with moms by talking about these topics and to continue these conversations through our Real Life Momz, Facebook group, where we'd love for you to become part of our community. And this week, we are celebrating Valentine's day. So I thought, who better to share this episode than with my own mom today? We're going to discuss how it feels to be on the other side of the day-to-day worries of parenting and talk to my mom about how it feels to have grown children.

Hi mom. Welcome to Real Life Momz. It's so good to have you on the show today. Thank you. Was glad to be here. I wanted to bring you on this show because as a mom who has seen their kids get older and have their own kids, just having a perspective of someone on the other side of things. And what is it like from your perspective, actually seeing your kids have kids?

Very nice to see my children raising their own children, because I think they're doing a wonderful job.

Being so far out of having to do the hustle and bustle of, you know, driving everybody around and going here and going there and really having your own time. Like, is there anything you truly just miss about it? 

I miss the kids. So being around, I miss the

family. Just, just us being home. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Nice. When even when you and your brother are home together, which is very seldom, you know.

Yeah. So hang on to the Goodyears, when your kids are not fighting, and you're not in the midst or when it's quiet. Right. Just taking in that. And I think about that too, as the kids are getting older, I'm kind of like, wow, I look at, you know, I look at my husband, I go, it is going to be just us, you know, like, what are we going to do? Like, what are we going to talk about? What are we going to do? Are we going to, you know, just, yeah. Different idea have our own time, our own time. And I have no idea. So that's when I look at him, I go, we need hobbies. We need any to find her hobbies because I was older, you know?

And they leave. I don't want to feel that I'm like, oh,.

Well, do you feel that way? yeah. A lot of people do that.

Parents that are in it right now. What, what advice would you give them?

Enjoy every minute goes fast. We'll look at yours. They're grown. They're.

So grown. They say that the first year of life is the longest days, but the shortest years. Right. And you think about it. I mean, you have like a 15 year old and 15 years, isn't that many years. Right. They changed so much. They really, it's not that many years. Yeah. By 18. They're really out there and they're gone and they're on their own and right. We don't come back as much after college. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you, you know, I mean, you saw other things and you wanted to be in different locations, which.

You are yep. Moved away from New York. Yeah. You know, looking as a parent and seeing us parent, or do you see similarities of what you, how you raised us to, how we're raising our kids or is it totally different,.

Your brother and you enjoying parenthood. 

Nice to see. I mean, I, I get pictures all the time if every weekend when they do something and he's always got a smile and he's like happy and I think he enjoys being a parent. And I know you definitely do. So, you know, it makes me feel good to say, well, we did something that was right. Yeah. You know, your father and I, because you're enjoying your parents, you being a parent. So, which is good. Yeah. It was a good feeling. Yeah. And you raised good kids. I mean, I think you and your brother remember certain things that you try to, you know, like you want me to make these meatballs or you want, you mentioned something else from your childhood that you.

Still do. Right. And we pass down to our kids and that's nice for you. Tradition is nice. Yeah. That's nice to see. 

Memories and the memories are important.

And some of the traditions that we've passed on, I've had my kids, you know, say, oh, I'm going to do this. I love this tradition. I'm going to do this one where we definitely try to have family time, you know? And cause it is busy. You know, we have the kids and there and you work a.

Lot of hours. We work.

A lot of hours and they have a lot of things that they do and places to be. But we do try to always like settle back down and say, okay, this is something we're going to do together. And it's usually pretty simple, a simple thing.

I think, simple, but something that you do together and, and these memories carry on to their families. So you'll see it repeating.

I'm not in a rush to see that I'm excited to see, you know, when my kids possibly have kids and see what they've learned and what I'm hoping they'll want me to come. You know, that's always the fear, you know, cause it's like, ah,.

Yeah. How are you finding raising actually teenagers now? Okay.

I know. Right. Um, you know, I would, I think is so unexpected for me because I always, well, we had a phase where there was like a little tension, right? Like it's the 16 year old, like, you know, I hate everyone phase. Right. Um, and that obviously passed, but I think everyone hits that phase of life, you know, I don't like my parents. Right. So I kind of always told my kids. I'm like, well, one day you're not gonna like us. And just know that that's okay. I don't think this is a good parenting move.

Right.

But I just think, you know, eventually everyone does. It's okay. We'll still be here. Come on back when you're ready. And the other day, you know, my daughter and I were driving and she said, do you think we're past the, I hate your face? Cause I don't think I'm going to have that. Which was, I thought it was really, I was like, yeah, you kind of feel like we're past that. I mean, like, I don't know what age it would come at this point. You only have a few more years and then you were in college. And so, yeah. So I think we might be past that. But what I think I really found that they didn't expect was how much I liked them as people.

That's good. You know? Like I didn't realize that I would love to, like, if I'm going to go watch a movie, I asked them to come because I want to actually see a movie with them, you know, or go for a cup of coffee with them or, you know, have dinner just with them or go for a walk because I, you know, it's almost like I, yeah.

And it's a long time, but it's also time that like they have, um, you know, we have things in common that we actually enjoy doing. And we have things in common that they'll ask me questions, I'll ask them questions. So as people I find that I actually, if they weren't my kids, I would still want to hang out with them. That's nice. Yeah. So I think that, that's when I know, I feel like I did a decent job, you know, because they are people that I actually want to be around versus like get them out of their home, close the doors.

We are not home. Um, but no, I, I actually am like excited to hang out with them and be around them. So yeah. So I think that's the thing I found unexpected. And I think the other thing I found unexpected was, you know, you have a baby, and the babies are so sweet, and they are a lot of work and, you know, whatever.

But I always love the baby phase. Right. That was just such a special phase, the baby phase. Um, and I never really thought about the phases after that, but I felt like every time we got to another phase that I liked them even more because they were people. Yeah. And they became more and more like these people that I actually enjoy now they're teenagers that I actually enjoy. Right. And then, well then here's, here's something that, you know, looking forward to me, like I enjoy my, my kids and my family, but then, then they get the others. Right.

Whoever they're dating and, and maybe spouses eventually like, how's that? What if you don't like that?

Didn't you like mine, you're stuck with them. Right. Then all of a sudden, yeah. Then you have to be, you know, we're just, we're really just entering the dating thing and at least right now it's yeah. It's right now. It's probably like, oh, not a big deal. Like chances are this isn't the one could be, but it probably isn't. But you know, what have you just hate who they're dating? That's like, that's gotta be hard. That's hard. That's very hard. Yeah. So, and it, and it happens. Imagine, so which boyfriend did you hate?

Yeah. Okay. We never know who's going to listen to this podcast. You don't want to name names, but I'm sure they were out there. I guess the hope is that you raise your children with the tools. They need to make good choices in life, a spouse as well. Hope.

Yes. Um, and, and just, you know, make good choices. And at some point you gotta just let it go, I guess. And that's okay. We, I haven't, I'm not at that phase where I have to let anything go, but you definitely have to let it go. You have to let a lot, go let it go. Which I know is it's hard. Like you have all this control and then you have none, right? Oh, you don't have control. Yeah. When do you think you lose the control and they leave the house because it's no longer in your house.

You can, you can say, not in your home. You can't really.

Does that include college? Is college still in your home? Because they do come back and you are paying for college. Well,.

I mean, there are certain things you just can't. I mean, they're mature at that point, there were, you know, 18, 20s, you know? So how much can you really restrict? This is true. I mean, you hope they have the values, but, and that should have been set along the line. You know, that they have the, the proper tools and pick the right people. You hope, you know, you know what, a lot of times we feel nobody's good enough for our children, we're always going to feel.

Well, I always felt that by you. Like, didn't matter who I brought home. Right. I felt you would find something wrong with each and every one of them.

You look hard enough, everybody has a flaw. Look for it. Yeah. Yeah. But that's hard though, because that's a lot of dist trust you know, that's a lot of distrust, that's a hard thing. It's hard expectation for someone to look up to, you know.

You're bringing somebody home that has been raised differently than you probably and different values. So it, it, you know, it's, it is a conflict sometimes as long as they are decent people though, that's the, you know, I mean, yeah and good communication.

That's it, you know, nobody's going to be perfect. But, um, you just want to make sure that it's a decent person.

Like, you're a worrier. Right. And then it's probably more than most true. Right? Yeah. Um, and I know, I mean, we're all worries. But like I do remember as they were younger, I would say things like, okay, especially when they were baby babies, it's like, oh my God, you just need to get them over this hump so that, you know, they're still alive. I can get them to this point and then I can stop worrying. Okay. I get them to this point and then I can stop worrying. And I had another parent saying, well, you'll never going to stop worrying. It's very true. You're not.

And I mean, even after like they're out of the house and they have their own lives, is you feel the worrying is, do you feel it's still the same as the day to day worrying? Yes. And I had a friend,.

I had a friend that said, and it's really true. She used to say, you know, you wanted your children to get married. You wanted to be a grandparent. But the problem now is you only had to worry about your children. Now you gotta worry about this spouse. Now you gotta worry about your grandchildren. So now you have extra, extra people on your list to worry about it is so true. And she always said that I have extra people now. Yeah. And that's, what's going to happen.

And now you have lots of people. Right. You know, you have my family of four and right. Brothers, family of four. So you got like eight people already on your life to worry about. And you only have myself and you only have two kids. Right. It's good that you didn't have more. Yeah. And then yeah, if you stay around long enough, then they're gonna have kids wait. So that's, what's really killing people. It's not at all what we eat. It's stress worrying about all these extra people that didn't start out in your family.

Yeah. I feel like when they're younger, there's worry. And you feel almost responsible of like making things a little bit better. Right. So it's like, cause they're younger and they have to protect and you have to protect them. Right. Right. That's good. And then as they're older, you might worry about I'm sure like different choices or whatever, but you can't, you don't have as much control anymore. You can't change it. Right. For us more your responsibility to change.

You can't change it because they're mature adults and you can change it. But it doesn't mean you're not going to worry.

Yeah. Well, that's not good news for parents that are listening, just be prepared. That good news, we're all ready to retire and relax and not worry. And I have to worry about certain little things, but that apparently is not true. Yeah. For me, I remember seeing the light at the end of the tunnel being like, oh, my kids are going to school because that'll free up some time. Right. The light at the end of the tunnel, the next phase, what's the light at the end of the tunnel. And, and really what you're saying, no light at the end of the tunnel, having a more positive outlook.

Um, no, I'm just kidding. Um, but there is, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel  you get to now come visit and we hang out as adults. Right. Right. We could say, see what I went through. I know, right. Having an older child, you know, you have issues that you need to talk about and I'm actually old enough to listen to those and give good feedback. Right. Well, you're a positive person. I am a positive, positive on the negative battery.

Well, you need a positive negative to balance out. I guess that's what charges things. Right. So I guess that's good. It's good to hear the other side. So I appreciate your view and your experience of being on the other end and seeing things and, you know, reminding us that embrace every day, even though, even though that day might be hard because enjoy each day the actual ins and outs of parenting never end, but they, but the amount that you really participating and really involved in the day-to-day that you're sometimes exhausted over is really short-lived and very temporary.

And before you know it, it's, it's gone. It's gone. Yeah. Right, right. So thank you so much for coming on my show today. It's always nice to have your mom backing up with nice being here. Thank you. And for all you out there, make sure you hug your moms and thank them for all the work they do and know that they are continuingly worrying about you as you go on and be parents to your children.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. After talking with my mom, it definitely makes me appreciate each moment with my kids as time truly does fly by. So like my mom said enjoy these times together and don't forget to thank your own mom from all that they do come join us on our Facebook group so we can continue sharing stories about parenting and don't forget to follow real life moms. So you don't miss an episode.