Building Confidence: Letting Go of Unhealthy Habits with Chelsea Husum

Welcome back to the Real Life Momz podcast. This is a place where you can take a break from all your to dos and take time to focus on yourself. I'm Lisa Foster, your host, and I love helping moms prioritize themselves. And today we are discussing resilience, habit building, and personal development. And here to help guide us is Chelsea Husum

she is an author, speaker, and owner of a construction company here in Denver, Colorado. Welcome Chelsea to the show. Thank you, Lisa. I'm so excited to be here. So now, Chelsea, like, I kind of stalked you a little bit because I do that sometimes.

Sorry. It's okay. So I have to, right? You have a business. Yes, yes. But when I look through your stuff, I see the word in my head like strength. There's so much strength behind you. Yeah, you are somebody who's in a very male dominated field. You're the owner of a construction company, not just like in it, but the owner of it, so that's a [00:01:00] lot.

And I know you have had some past adversity and trauma in your life. So my huge question to you is, how did you find that strength to just overcome, and not only overcome, but really thrive? In your life and field. Yeah. So, I mean, kind of just in life, I would say I'm, I haven't always been very good at it.

Honestly. You know, a lot of this, some of my major trauma or, or different things I've gone through have been many years ago. Right. And so recently I've done a lot of kind of figure out who I am done the inner work and, and, and just this last year, honestly. Deciding to write a book. There were some stories and things that I had gone through that I was like Literally, no one knows and this happened 20 years ago And I kind of need to tell people now because I wrote a book about it and like I need to tell my family you know and so it was like [00:02:00] Learning to now as a 41 year old woman, like I don't need to carry those things from the past anymore.

I can heal and move on. I can actually voice it to the world and still live through it. And I'm going to be okay. Right. So it's, it's definitely didn't happen overnight. But I feel with like that situation specifically, and then others that I've gone through since, you know, it's, and then deciding to write this book is like, I do feel that now I do have a story to share because a lot of times as women and moms, we suffer in silence or we're, we're exhausted.

We're overwhelmed. We're dealing with all this stuff. Right. And , It's, it's hard. And a lot, we look across, you know, or the street or at like school drop off and we're like, Oh, well, they seem so perfect. And it makes us feel bad. And like, why, why are we doing that? Let's just be real and be like, I'm a hot mess most of the time.

And Hey, do you want to be a hot mess with me? Like we can have fun together. Right. It's like, that's [00:03:00] where I'm finding strength is just telling my story because then you actually find your real tribe, your real connection, ? So that's kind of where I feel called to do that. And in, in work, I think it's kind of just filtered through, but I think just very, I don't know.

I just stepped into construction. I'm like, this is me. I don't like, I don't ever walk into a room thinking like, like nervous about it or like, Oh, they're going to look bad or down on me. Cause I'm a woman. I'm like, this is me. What you see is what you get. People know me. They respect me. And I don't know. I just, I, at this point in life, like I know who I am.

I'm confident. I know what I have to offer and what value I bring. And that's just kind of flowed through how I step into the room and how I run my company. I love so much that you're saying actually, because I do believe that. When you do your own work and you feel comfortable in your own skin, which I think is hard.

So whatever your past is, right? It's a part of you. It's made you. But when you're comfortable and then you can put it [00:04:00] out to the world and just show up who you are. I feel like that's, that's like the goal, really. So you writing this book, I'm sure it was very therapeutic for you. However, , having the confidence to.

share it with the world. I feel like that also shows how much you've come along and that you're, ready. You've done the work. Yeah. I mean, it's, that is the goal of life. I think of life of just living in your authentic, true self and loving yourself and not being constantly worried about what everyone thinks of you.

Right. Yeah. So it's, It was scary. It's like something you can't take back. Like, these are a lot of things that a lot of people were like, even my best friend who she, I grew up in South Dakota and we've known each other a very long time. She was like texting me. She's like, I stayed up till 1 AM last night reading.

Oh my gosh. I can't stop. And she's like, I know you really well, but now I feel like I'm learning all these new things about you because I, these are all, she's like, these are all stories I'd never had a [00:05:00] clue about, you know what I mean? So it was like all these things rolling around in my head that it's like, maybe just maybe by putting this out there, you might help somebody that's, and I'd have people text me like, Oh my gosh, I don't feel alone.

Like you said, what I was thinking, I feel all these things and I feel all this pressure and whatever. And you just said, you said what I needed to hear and I was like, honestly, that's like the best compliment that I, I just want it to something out there that I put out there to resonate with somebody and help them feel connected and seen and not alone.

Yeah, I love that. And I do want to add like your authentic self is not perfect. You know, I think people think of it as like perfect thing and it's not. Yeah. Like you love yourself, the edges and all, and you're like, but you know, like, this is me, right? Yeah. I totally agree. Yeah, all right. So it's going with the stockings since I'm on that On your website and I think this might be a quote from your [00:06:00] book So you can tell me and your book we should say is called real vibes only right?

Yep and so on your website, it said life will always throw you curveballs our way, but Isn't the point of living to actually be present and live it? That is a quote from my book. Yes Okay, I love that because I know you've had lots of curveballs as many of us have right? Yes, we all have So what is that?

What does that quote really mean to you? And how did you kind of get through those little curves? Yeah, I mean It's it's learning and growing and knowing like for me when we all go through hard times That's the one guarantee of life, right? But it's Understanding when you're in it, that it feels like it's going to break you at that time, but understanding it won't, but also realizing that you have to do some work to dig out of that.

Like, you know, we all go through really hard things and we can be in it and feel it. It's not to say that we can't feel it and like [00:07:00] acknowledge our feelings. We should be doing that. But instead of sitting, on the floor, like eating cookies and drinking wine every night. Like we got to eventually we can do that maybe two nights.

And then we got to move past that and like dig out. And for me, it was like, okay, I am in it right now. I'm struggling majorly. Right. And I had to look at my habits of what was I doing in life? To completely drain my energy, make me feel like crap, make me cranky, just like not helping me at all.

And then what were things at that time that give me more energy and make me feel good and like physically and mentally, right? So it was like, get rid of this. Cause that's not helping you. And then you need to actually focus on what you're doing and how you're filling your time and, and maybe saying no to those meetings or, and you say, Oh, I have a previous commitment and that is laying on the couch and just resting.

That's fine. And that's okay. Cause you do need to [00:08:00] do that sometimes when you're really struggling , or finding people saying, I am struggling being honest and not just pretending that you're okay. Right. Right. Because. Our friends and family do truly care about us. And then also really, when I, I was going through a lawsuit last year and for two and a half years before that, like horrific worst thing I've ever been through.

And I was being sued for millions of dollars. My kids were like, mommy, when are we losing our home? Mommy, here's 12. You need it more than I do. Like I was waking up covered in hives. I was so heavy and so depressed, but in finally I woke up one morning, I'm like, I am not okay. Like I am not okay at all. And so I reached out to a therapist because, and that's not okay.

Or that's not a bad thing. That's a good thing. Right. Saying I need help, but sometimes as much as like when we're going through hard times, like our friends and family are there to help us many times. You almost, it's helpful to have somebody that's completely outside of. [00:09:00] Knowing you and your circle because you sometimes just need to really say that stuff that you don't want to say to anybody else and you're not going to say it to your mom or your best friend because you might hurt their feelings, right?

So that's a valid thing to go after if that, if that, if you really need to just get stuff off your chest and Unleash to move forward to heal, right? Totally. Totally. I mean, therapy is so important. It is having that person who is just honestly on your side, like they're, they're there for you, but they're not going to judge exactly.

And yeah, they're there just to help you. And that is, yeah, so important. So I'll second that motion for sure. So I heard you say habits. Okay. Habits, I know you're very into helping others kind of build habits that are Leading to success whether it's getting us out of this hole if we're struggling or just overcoming something else, [00:10:00] thriving.

So can you share some habits that you feel have been really beneficial in just your journey? Yeah. So, you know, like I said, I'm 41. I'm like, I act like a 95 year old grandma. I am extremely boring and I love it. Like, I love it. So I go to bed at like by nine, I'm passed out. Me too. . I love it. I love it. Yeah.

So sleep, like I love sleep and I don't know, I, I wish I could run on six hours of sleep a night. I can't. I would just be horrific to be around. But, so, you know, I'm in bed early right now. I somehow have two broken feet, so there's that. But I used to get, before I had two broken feet, I would get up at five 30 and go to the gym first thing in the morning because for me in construction, my phone starts ringing at.

Six or seven, usually seven, but that was the only time my family, my husband and kids are still sleeping. I go do it because if you're like me, I'm like, Oh yeah, [00:11:00] I'll work out at lunch or, you know, at two or three. And then I. Work through lunch and I forget, I'm exhausted. I make a million excuses. Something comes up with work.

Like it's just not going to happen. And I know that about myself. Like back in the day, I could do that now. No, just is not going to happen. So for me, I have to do a first thing in the morning. Then obviously we know that blows through the rest of your day. It makes you feel great. Starts everything. You have more energy, you have a better attitude.

Right. And. I really like meditation. That was a, that I started that many years ago. And I always do guided meditations and I always do like 10 to 15 minutes, not a long time, but massive changes truly in my mood. That reading journaling, one big thing getting outside for me, if I'm in, I work from home, so I'm in my office, like, ah, you know, working away.

And sometimes I just get so wound up. I have to be like, stop, go get your chocolate lab, go outside and take a walk and just breathe. Like look at the [00:12:00] sky and breathe and remember you're not the center of the universe and like chill out a little bit. Right. But it's, I mean, it's a game changer is like sitting outside or breathing the fresh air walking, it's such little things, but those make me feel good.

And I love having red wine. Red wine does not love me. I love margaritas. I, you know, and, but lately I would have like a glass or two. And I would have the worst headache the next day until I go to bed. I'm like, what is happening? Like back in the day, I could drink all kinds of like cheap red wine and I was fine.

And now I'm drinking like decent, not like great, but decent red wine. And I'm like dying the next day. And I was just like, I don't have time for this. I feel so bad. I'm cranky. Then I skipped the gym. Then I eat a double cheeseburger. Cause I feel bad. Then I like snap at my kids and I'm like, this is horrible.

It's derailing all my other habits. And it's just, it's like waste literally wasting my life. Cause I [00:13:00] feel so bad. I'm like, I don't know if I. Somehow I've become kind of allergic to it. I've talked to some people that as we get older, like we just don't Take it as well. So for me, I've really tried to pull it back.

Yeah. Yeah Tell me about what's happened to you because I've really tried to pull that back lately because I don't have time and don't want to Feel like that Yeah. I mean, the same thing, like I am not a big drinker, but I do like an occasional glass of wine. Yeah. And it's funny because there was a time period of around your age, cause I'm 52, where exactly it happened to me where all of a sudden it was, I don't know if I was allergic maybe to the sulfites or something, but exactly.

Worst headache ever. So I stopped drinking totally. I have brought it back and I don't get as many headaches. Okay, that's yeah. So it can come back around but yeah, okay But I hear what you're saying about That it doesn't make you feel good And so then it's a ripple effect and so what i'm really hearing as you develop these habits really not [00:14:00] It's not just about implementing better habits, right, like getting up and doing that.

It's also about maybe really looking at the habits that are deterring you from moving forward. Yeah, like what, what are you doing in your life that you know deep down, Is holding you back in some, or maybe all areas, right? Yeah. It, you really have to look at both sides and because let's say, okay, you could be drinking two bottles of wine at night and eating a double cheeseburger, but you're going to the gym every day.

Well, that's not going to work. Right. I mean, it has to come from both sides. You can't just do the, all of this and this and hope for the best. You know what I mean? So yeah, it, you really do have to take a holistic approach and I just judge it by You know, what makes you feel really good and energized, right?

You know, we all know that if you really sit and think about it. And I will say as moms, like society tells us, Oh, we're selfish. If we take care of ourselves, that [00:15:00] is a bunch of crap. It's ridiculous. Not okay. I do things for me and I put myself first because then I'm better for everyone else. I put my husband first and we are marriage first.

And yes, of course, we're doing a million things for our kids and they're loved and taken care of, but that's really important to us. And then they see that. And they see how we act and what we do right and hopefully that will help them down the road, but you know we, one of my favorite things like I go to a lot of conferences now so I kind of get this but before I used to.

Take one day and just go book a hotel room in Denver by myself. And I was like, this is the best thing ever. And I get that you don't have to book the Ritz. You can book a normal, like a normal hotel. Right. But that is a game changer to like lay in your robe, read, order room service, just sit in the silence and not even like talk to anybody, you know, doing things like [00:16:00] that.

If hopefully you have family or a partner or friend that can help you, you know, with the kids or something, kind of, you know, take care and while you can go and not worry, but that's a game changer. Totally. And it's funny cause I'm laughing in my head because listen, if we feel that guilty about going away, on her own, then send your family to go away and have a house to yourself.

Fine. That is fine. Right. So you guys go have a fun night. Exactly. Very true. Have a fun night. And I also want to say, yes, I hear this over and over again on the podcast. Like, yeah, self care is not selfish. No. All the time. But I also am like, listening to you. It's coming to me too. It's like, it's our mindset about it.

It's yes. It is. Society has this thing, but I'm allowing that to be in my head. I am making it said in my head that it's selfish. True. That it's true and it's not true. It's not true. Yeah. Yeah. And if I just change my mindset around it, well, then it doesn't matter what's happening around me. If I [00:17:00] know in my heart and in my mind that this is important and it's part of my health care, then yes,

so we have control over that as well. That's true. That's so true. Mm-Hmm. Well, okay. Let's go back to habits for a second. Mm-Hmm. . So I was reading a blog post. I was kind of on these little threads, if you will.

You get caught up in these threads, right? So, and on the thread, it was so interesting because it really hit me. And someone had written in, well, if we do the meditation, the walking, you know, the breathing and all these things, but say we still feel crappy. Mm hmm. Right? We're doing all the things. Let's talk about what do we do if we're already doing all the things, but we don't feel good.

And I just, it made me think, because I say those things too. I'm like, oh my God, I'd feel better if I had walk, I'd feel better this and that. But it really hit me. I thought that was an amazing question. So let me just throw it out there.

I mean, I feel like, and, and those things I've tried for quite a few years, right?

So I know those work for me. But it's. First, doing the work, maybe you need to get to know yourself a little bit better [00:18:00] and maybe you need to love yourself a little bit better and, and what, remember back to a time, what lights you up? Like, what was the last, when was the last time that you remember being like, yes, oh my gosh, my soul is on fire.

I feel so good. Right. And if it's for a lot of us, sometimes it's, we go through phases where we're like, I I don't remember. It's been a while, right? I mean, we, I get it. We get caught in this. You know, the busyness of life, the craziness of life of mom life, right? But we need to do that. So if it's not meditation or journaling, whatever, that's some people are like, that's woo craziness.

What what do some work and thinking what lights my soul up, what makes me feel happy and alive and just like me, not mom. But me, right? We, have to still be our own strong, passionate person and know and love ourself first. So [00:19:00] if it has gotten kind of lost, really you have to do the work and figure it out.

And then if it is, if it's like doing yoga or if it's hiking or dancing, like I met a woman, I would do monthly wine nights and I met a woman and she said it was kind of sad because she just, She was like, I hate my job, but I'm too old to go do anything else. And I'm like, honey, let me know. I've completely changed what I've done numerous times in life, right?

So we talked about that. I'm like, no, you really can. Don't put that in your head that you're too old, or you're, it's too late in life. Bye. One cool thing she did say, she goes, I told my husband that I think she said she was going to therapy or some, something, and she was going to line dancing classes.

And she's like, I just love it. I love it so much. And I don't even want to tell him because this is for me. And I'm like, that makes me so happy. And I could see her light up. Right. So it was, it was, Where she was struggling in other areas of life. She was trying to put herself [00:20:00] out there and find like minded people there for meetup.

com or all these different events, probably on Facebook. You could find, you could have the weirdest interest on the planet and you're going to find your people. You know what I mean? You just got to do a little work for it. It is work. And being a parent, you kind of lose like, oh, this is who I was.

Right. And I was kind of cool back then. Right. You were all cool back then. You were all cool. It doesn't matter what you were doing. You were cool. Not anymore. Then you become a parent and you're uncool. But at the end of the day, I feel like sometimes we keep searching back to who that person was. Yes. And what I've realized is I am very different.

Yeah, me too. Yes, I have some similarities and yes, I have some likes that I did, but I, my whole being has changed as an adult. And it's exciting because I feel like I keep reinventing, relearning new things, trying new things, switching careers, doing all this great stuff that honestly, I feel keeps me much younger.

[00:21:00] So in finding that joy. You, we don't have to look backwards. We can look forward to something different. I think that could really help too. And might be part of the problem when we're doing all the same things over and over again. Listen, those things didn't work the first time. I don't know why we keep thinking they're going to work now.

Yeah, I love that. That's a great point. Cause when I think of myself back to my twenties, I was successful doing things, but I was a mess. Like I was depressed. I was drinking a ton. I was wild and crazy. Now I'm like, Oh no, that sounds horrible. Like I'm a home body. I love, you know what I mean?

You're in bed by nine now. Yes. And I love it, you know, and all my friends kind of joke about it and I'm like, yep, bye. I gotta go. But to go back to who she was, she didn't even know who she was. Now, through all of the things of life, yeah, it's completely different. I totally agree on that. Yeah.

Now, as a mom and as a business owner, Obviously there's lots of [00:22:00] demands, right? I mean, I can feel them. And you're an author and a speaker. You do a lot. So how do you handle all those demands? Because I know just even one of those is really challenging.

Yeah. So how does that work? Yeah, I think I've, I've, it hasn't always been, it was never perfect. But I feel like I've, Kind of come into a good flow of life and figure it really figured out how I do things and how I thrive. So even now, so I started my company in March of 2020 randomly and actually worked another full time job.

For until April of 22 while I was building my company. So two full time jobs, literally, family home at COVID I'm like crying in the office. Like kids are running around like psycho craziness. Right. So that was a whole different time, but honestly, I could say like today I work less than I work really hard when I do, but I don't sit in my office for [00:23:00] eight hours a day.

I'll work really hard for two hours and I'll go walk my dog or I'll go get my nails done or I'll go to lunch or whatever. And then I, I work in like weird little shifts. So for example, last year I was turning 40 and I'm like, I want to turn 40 in Italy. I've never been there. My husband had never been to Europe.

And I'm like, could I pull this off and like go to Europe for 10 days? , so I have, we're a small company. I literally run the entire company. And so I do numerous people's jobs technically. And then I have people out in the field and on the construction sites. So I went to Italy, the only person running this company, dealing with clients, dealing with scheduling, dealing with my employees at all.

But I made it work. I, we went out, I ate some. So much pasta and pizza, like, Oh my gosh, it was amazing. And I'd come home with a time difference and I'd work before I'd go to bed. Then somehow I did it. I made it work and you know, I'll, or I'll go skiing with my kids. You know, while everyone else is working and then I go to the hotel, throw them in [00:24:00] the pool and I catch up.

So I might work kind of weird hours, but I've the other day we went to a movie in the middle of the day, but I, like, I kind of fit, I believe like success to me is fitting my life into what I'm doing and the business. Like I want to enjoy my life 10 years when want to sell the business or whatever, you know, and I've lost my health and my family hates me.

And I'm just like miserable it's for me, it's really important to be a little different in how I do things, but enjoy the life now. I love that so much because I always hear that like when something's going to happen, then I can, so when you sell your business, then I'll be able to do that, then I'll be, do.

Yeah. No. Yeah. And you know what? That never comes. I'm just it, you'll, I it always come up with something else that overcomes. So I love that you do it now. I think that's such a good takeaway. I also think that. I'm going to plug owning your own [00:25:00] business or have being your own boss allows for that flexibility.

Yes, totally. Cause I know what I need to do. If it's pressing, I handle it. And if it's not, I'm like, yeah, I'll get to it tomorrow, whatever. You know what I mean? And I, This is how it's grown though, stepping into the fourth year of the business back when I started it, probably the first two, two, two and a half years, I would get kind of anxious, like, Oh, I have to do all this right away.

Or it's so, Oh, all these people are calling and emailing me now. I will answer if I'm available, but if it's not a good time, I send them to voicemail or I get. I will get back to them when I can, because I'm in meetings or I'm doing different things. Right. So I think now I feel just really calm about it.

And I don't get anxious about a work day because it's like, I've removed the anxiety that I was placing on that. To constantly just immediately respond back within like five minutes, I, you don't need to do that. Yes. I'll go back to you an hour or two. It's going to be fine. But I've, [00:26:00] I've seen that shift in my head lately where I just am like, Oh, it's a Monday.

Cool. You know, it, which it never used to be, but it's, it is again, , how you approach it, how you view it and you really can shift it. I think if you create an environment, whether it's your work environment or home environment that you enjoy, you're going to want to be there. So when Monday comes, you're not like, Oh God, I got to go to work or work's done and I got to go home.

Like create the environment that you fit into and want to be in because I think that that is living that success. Yep. Well, I know you have this amazing book and you have a lot to offer. So tell us a little bit about what you offer and where people can find you. Yeah. I would say the best place to find me and connect with me is on my website.

It's just chelseahusum.Com. My social links and just a bunch of information about the book and all kinds about me is on my website. Are on there. And I do offer a little freebie. So I call it [00:27:00] the, your unapologetic life workbook. It's right there. When you go to the website, you can get it for free and download it right away.

But it's like, when I feel, and we all get in this, like when I feel like I'm getting in a little funk, I'm like, okay, like, you know, I don't know why, but I'm feeling a little weird. I, I went through and thought of all the things that A lot of it's habits like we talked about today, but different things that in my life that I look at to kind of get back on track.

And I made it really fun and kind of sassy. So I think I'd talked about sleep and wanting to smother my husband with a pillow when he was snoring in there. But yeah, that's free. So go check that out and, and let me know if you, if you enjoy it.

Awesome. All right. Well, we'll have that in the show notes so people can grab it and hopefully not smother their husband. Okay. So if there's one thing that you really want the listeners to just walk away from this podcast and really start implementing today, what would it be? I would just say, look at your mindset.

Who are you and how can you [00:28:00] love your life and love yourself and just be you and be unapologetic and, and really. Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to please everybody else who like authentically step into who you really are. And however, that looks, it looks so different for us all, but truly, I believe that's the goal of life.

And I would wish and hope that everyone can feel fulfilled and happy while they're living their life. And like you said, not someday I will someday when the kids get this sold or when they quit this sport or whatever, that's, that's the goal. We, you're never guaranteed someday. You're never even guaranteed tomorrow.

So, how can you just really step into truly who you are and, and live your life now? Yes, that is the takeaway. Live your life now. I love that. Well, thank you so much for just sharing your insights. And I can't wait to check out your book and your freebie. And it's been so fun having you. This was great.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for joining us for this episode. [00:29:00] Chelsea was such a pleasure to speak with, and if you want to learn more about Chelsea and grab her freebie and check out her website and her social links and of course her books, Real Vibes Only, click on the links in the show notes. They are all there for you. And until next week, keep prioritizing yourself. Find what you enjoy because self care is important and you matter.