Rekindling Your Passion

Welcome to Real Life Momz. I'm your host, Lisa Foster, and  Real Life Momz is a podcast. That's all about real conversations and real-life issues that parents deal with every day. Our mission is to connect moms by talking about these topics and to continue these conversations through our Real Life Momz, Facebook group, where we would love for you to become part of this community.  And this week I invited Emily McMullan to share her story about how she was able to rekindle her passion in her own busy life. Listen to how she talks about what we can do to help find her own passions and what steps to take to actually implement this back into our own lives.

Hi Emily. Welcome to Real Life Momz. Hi Lisa. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. I'm so excited that you're here today because you know, we've had podcasts on before and we've talked about the importance of like finding yourself and feeding your soul, achieving balance. But the thing is like, we know we need to do this, but we don't really know how to do it. So today's episode is all about, rekindling our passions and I feel your story is so inspiring because you actually have reconnected with a passion, which is art.

Yeah. Yes. Art and painting. And you've brought it back into your busy life. So, tell us a little bit about your background.  I always loved art. I even remember, um, as a first-grader, my mom said she always tells a story that I was too sick to go to school, but I knew the art cart lady was coming by, so I pulled myself together and made it to school. I've always loved art and drawing and painting and, you know, doing that kind of stuff as a kid. And when I was in fourth grade, my mom, uh, sent me to a magnet school for the arts, and, I'll forever be grateful for that opportunity.

And it's funny because I was nine. I was in fourth grade when she put me on the bus and it was a 45 minute bus ride. Um, one way from where we lived and I have a daughter who's going to be nine in March. And I can't really imagine doing that.

Oh gosh, I know, I have teenagers and I hardly put them on the bus. 

When I was in high school, I did a class like an elective class where you volunteer, in like a moderate, severe special education setting. And so I did that my junior year and I just loved it. And I just knew in my heart that working with the special needs population was something that I was supposed to be doing. You know, I loved art, but I felt like I needed to do the special ed thing. So I ended up going to college. I majored in special education. My plan was to major in art and special education, but the education program was so, um, restrictive and like regimented, because you have student teaching and you have to be here and be there, but I couldn't do both.

And so I settled for an art minor. And then once I went out into the real world and I became a teacher, as you know,  that's your whole life. I mean, nights, weekends, you're just living and breathing school. And it's hard. It's so hard and special education is so hard. Yeah. And it's, um, you know, it's one of those jobs where you have to feel like you are meant to be there and you are supposed to be, you know, doing what you're doing. And then eventually I met my husband and eventually we, you know, got married and had kids and the whole thing, and my life was just consumed by school, by regular life, by mom life. And I did take like a painting class, once. I always like talked about how I used to have a passion for the arts and it's, it just kind of like got shelved and just sort of died.

And I was really like just directing my energy into being a teacher and then being a wife and a partner. And then eventually a mom. And I think I just got to this place where I'm like, Ugh, I can't, just keep going. Like, it's so much. And I remember after my second daughter was born, it just kind of hit like a dark place. Felt like, man, I'm just overwhelmed by life. And it was sort of like a long like recovery period of just kind of like figuring out like how to get back on track to who I am and who I was.

And, um, I went to therapy, I got on medication. Um, it was all very gradual. And then I remember my friend, Megan when I was 34, I always had this fear of social media, which is funny because now I'm like talking on a podcast.

Um, so she like held my hand and we started an Instagram account together and on Facebook. And it was really mostly to share pictures of my kids with my friends on the east coast really. But in my heart, I knew at some point I wanted to, you know, try my hand at some art again and just somehow get back into it. And it took a long time for me to figure out how and when, and you know, how I could even manage that. And so I think my, my breakthrough point, there were,

the first one was, I distinctly remember I was sitting on this like cube chair on the floor in like a dimly lit office space between two classrooms and I was pumping. So I had on, you know, pumping and I'm plugged into the wall and I'm just like, okay, like 30 minutes. And it's my prep period. And it was just one of those moments where I'm like, oh my gosh, like I can't do any more work right now.

I can't think of multitasking my brain, my heart, my emotion, everything was just kind of like, I needed to stop. And so I took my phone out because I couldn't really go anywhere.

You were stuck to the wall. Yeah. We've been there.

And I was looking at my pictures and I was just kind of bored. And, and then I started thinking like, Hey, maybe I could look at some art online. And so I started looking at art accounts on Instagram, and then over time, I started taking pictures, like taking out some of my old high school work and some of my old college work, um, from our garage and taking pictures of it. And then I just started just totally for me for fun. Taking pictures of art that you had done when you were younger. Okay.

Yes. Yeah. Like, you know, like throwback 20 years ago.

Okay. And then you made an Instagram account.

Yeah. Like, you know, my sister followed me and my mom.

That's all that follows me now. And not even my mom cause she's not even on it.

And Megan she helped me with the Instagram, but it was just very therapeutic to like kind of look and kind of mentally check out of school, life, and mom life or the 30 minutes when I had to literally stop and sit there. And so every day when I was pumping for, you know, almost that whole school year, I just slowly worked on, Instagram posts and like looking at other Instagram accounts and it was just very inspiring. And so then I started tinkering in the garage a little bit.

Um,  I very, very, very slowly started making stuff, but I mean, it was like snail pace.

Well, you had two kids, your kids are pretty young at this time.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Five and eight now. But at the time, you know, I had a three-and-a-half-year-old and a baby. Wow. Um, yeah, so, I mean, I was in the weeds, and moms, you just have to sometimes put things to the side, just kind of shelve it, but not forget about it for a little while. And so I, I kind of mentally did that. I like compartmentalizing it. I looked at the Instagram, you know, a 15-minute chunk in the garage, maybe this or that, or some little thing, but like nothing major.

And then there was a point we're talking like, you know, four years later there was a point when my youngest daughter turned four and she was playing with her sister and I'm like, wait a minute. What's happening? And there was some shift and I just felt it. And I said I can do this now. And so I went in the garage and I got my stuff out and I made a space for myself. I like, you know, shoved all the toys to the side, move the Goodwill bags. I said this is mom's art space right here. This is my studio. And I just started. And it really just kind of snowballed from there.

Well, and kudos to you for even noticing that space, you know, almost that quiet moment to take your 10, 20 minutes and do something. Because I think as moms, there's always something else, right? Like you can go clean or there's always something to do. But I think a lot of us miss that, like the little pause, We should be looking for that. A big question is like how can parents find the time? Like where's the time. Right.  And I think, um, like I do a lot of visualizing parts of my life as, the things that are more concrete. So like the shelving of my, you know, wanting to do stuff for myself, wanting to do my art. I'm literally imagining myself taking it off the shelf. And so that kind of helps me with the mom, um, like the minutia, the laundry, the never-ending dishes, the mess all over the house. Like sometimes I'm literally like put it in my mental box and put it on that shelf.

Like, I'm just going to ignore all of that because by if I address it right now, you know, then there goes my painting time. There goes my me time. There goes what I really care about time. Yeah. So it's, I think I do a lot of like visualizing things and like, I do it like a gear shift.

I never drove a stick shift, but I like shifting gears. Like when I go to work and I'm a teacher, I like to shift gear and then I come home and I shifted gear and I'm like, mom. And it's like, it's really like that compartmentalizing, that gear shift. And I think that over time you can hone those skills if you have the right support in place. And for me, the therapy, um, the mom network, like this podcast that you're doing, like whatever, you know, your friends, your community, whatever resources you have to help you with that stuff, your family, your sister, your neighbor.

Um, and then the medication also helped clear that path. So I could, you know, move forward. So at first, it was like the Instagram thing while I was pumping. And then it was my daughter turning four. And then I had another sort of like an energetic shift for lack of a better term.I don't know what to call it, but my husband stopped drinking alcohol when, he was like 41, I think. So I'm like 38 around this time, um, for health reasons. And I was, so that was always like something we did together. You know, like most Americans like, oh, it's Friday night, let me grab some wine, let me do this, let me do that. And when he stopped, it kind of like shifted things a little bit. And I really noticed how much, you know, we were drinking and how much time and energy and money it sort of filled.

And so eight months later I stopped and I said, I'm just going to try it. And man, it really shifted something in me. And it just opened up this whole, um, like phase of life that I hadn't been aware of. So all of a sudden I had more time.

I had more money, I had more energy. I felt better. And all of that, I guess, energy, I could redirect where I wanted it to go. It was like, I could harness that cause I wasn't giving it away to like stuff I thought I was supposed to be doing or stuff. I was just always doing. Like, I'm always having a glass of Chardonnay with this meal or with this, whatever. I'm always going shopping here. I'm always doing this letter Friday. I'm always doing this happy hour with the teacher people. And um, I mean I still socialize.

I still love them, all my teacher friends, but I don't, um, invest in the social things like I used to. Yeah. I'm very, very focused and driven to invest where I want to invest. And it's crazy how much you can actually accomplish when you kind of clear your path.

Yeah. It's kind of like someone once told me that if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. Right. So, and it's almost, to me, it's like a Konmarie method for life cleanup. Right. If you don't love it, don't do it. And, and yeah. And it can create much more time with the things you do want.

That's exactly right. Yeah. Total Marie Kondo, you know, rolled up all these bad habits and threw them out.

Exactly. Yeah. She should write another book about this, but we'll give us credit this time. So, I mean, that's an important piece though. Like, as parents is, you know, we are always looking for that extra time and really looking at that day to day stuff that we do and what we do love doing or what we don't love doing. And of course your things we have to do of course, but they don't all have to be, have to do this. Right. And so that we can find a place for this passion that you want.

That's, that's absolutely right. That's what I've learned along this path. Um, and then the other thing I was going to mention is that, well, two things, one is that the time I don't want to make it sound like, oh, I have all this time now. Like I actually don't, I still don't. Cause 19 years deep into the special education teaching career thing and I have a five and eight-year-old and you know, they have school and their after school activities and I do the carpool and like all the things, all the things that every mom does, you know, and blah, blah, blah, ordo or don't do the laundry.

But so there are like some late nights I have, I've been making the choices, you know, stay up an hour later here, wake up an hour earlier here. So I get those moments in and then the weekends are also a little bit freer. Cause, this is my priority. I'm going to do this.I'm an early bird. I don't actually stay up past nine. Um, but I do at times like I'll block myself from like eight to 10 and do something for myself. I get up at five and I like five to seven is my little secret self-time. And granted I have not filled those with, well, maybe I had filled them with passions. I do my podcasting.

So that is a passion and I am doing that. So yay. Thanks for reminding me. Um, but those are really special hours, your kids are usually sleeping or they're doing their own thing and they're okay. And there's less of this run, run, run thing, and it's just, such a special time to put in your own passion. So thats a great point there,.

Sacred time,.

Sacred time. Yeah.

Um, and then the other thing I wanted to mention was that the more that I put into my art, the more that my family notices and responds, um, in a positive way. And I think because I've approached it so slowly over time, it hasn't been this huge, um, you know, what happened to mom thing, but like, yeah, but it's like, you know, now my kids have,  their art supplies set up near mine.

So mom's working in the garage, they can come out and do their thing. And they're old enough to do that. You know, you couldn't do that with a toddler of course. They're old enough now, to do that and kind of like, you know, side-by-side play side-by-side art time. Yeah. Yeah.But that is brilliant because, you know, I always think about, we get so involved in our kids' passions, you know, like it's almost like their passions become our passions because we lose ours. Right. But what you're doing is, amazing because your passion is part of their passion and they're learning from you, this amazing art and, and to do it side by side. So I think we forget how important it is to have things that we love to show our kids. And you're doing that.

That's amazing.

And modeling the, you know, we're more than parents. That's part, that's part of our,.

I know I tell my kids all the time I am human, you know, it is good for them to see that we are not super human.

Absolutely. And, um, I did like to art, um, kind of like pop-up shows a little fairs and man, like my family really embraced that. And we didn't know what to expect. My husband, you know, was lovely and helped with the tent and the tables. And, you know, we had to take two cars and blah, blah, blah. And he helped with the setup and just the energy of the events and the interactions and like, you know, deciding where to put the art and how to hang the thing.

It was really a collaborative effort and it was just a wonderful, and then my kids, I didn't know if they would be bored or how, what they would do there. And so I brought like a bunch of art supplies for them. And my older daughter ended up like setting up her own little store and she was making her own little pictures and she loved it. Like, it was so much fun. They're like, when can we do this again? Yeah. You know, it really, even though it was like my thing, it turned into a family affair. Yeah. And it just, it was wonderful.

Okay. For it to be your thing, you know, I think we also have to let us it's okay. Right. It's okay to have a thing. That's.

It is, it is. 

We forget. I'm like, oh my, I have a thing. I have a thing to watch it and just be there and just support. It's a, it's a good skill for kids to learn, to support as well as always being supported. Yes,.

Absolutely. Um, and then two books I would love to mention, um, that kind of helped me get to where I'm going. Um, one is the book called Why Bother it's by Jennifer Louden. And I feel like that's a really great book if you're at that point where you're like, okay, I have a little bit of time, or I'm at a junction where I think things are shifting like, you know, mom life or whatever. And I'm not sure how to do, like how to move forward or what exactly I should be doing.

Um, that's a great book and I really, really found that helpful. So that's Why Bother by Jennifer Louden. So that one was super, super helpful. And then one that I read more recently was called is called a Welcome Home. I feel like really appropriate for where I am now. Sort of like five years into this art journey thing.

These books actually helped you, you know, figure out how to find your passion that you needed. Yeah. What do you feel like it helped you with? 

I feel like the first book really did kind of like nudge me back into that direction of like, you know, Emily, don't forget there's that box on the shelf. And I'm like, oh yeah, let me get that thing down. Yeah. And I feel like the Welcome Home was sort of like,  this box is open and now go ahead and show the world. Cause you're ready. Yeah. It's just like where I am right now. And I think the Why Bother was just like helping me get the ball rolling.

So now that you have had your passion kind of brought back into your life, how do you, how do you feel?

I feel it, I feel amazing. I feel like I have a new lease on life, truthfully. I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And I think that you know, as moms, we feel like there's so much invisible labor that we do. There's so much, that's just, that goes unseen that we do. And the same is also in teaching. Like you have so much responsibility behind the scenes, you know, when the students are not there, when the parents are not, you know, interacting with you like there's just so much work that no one knows about.

And I think having so much of my life be both in both of those arenas, that the art for me is like a complete counterbalance because it's everything about it is like visual something to see. Yeah. It's like, the exact opposite of invisible. It's visual. It's looking at me, look at this. I made this with my own two hands, like with my current life, with my two kids, with my teaching job, like I, I still did this.

Yeah. So it just gives me such a sense of like, I can do this.

And your art is, I mean, incredible. I have seen some on Instagram and I think everyone out there should, I think everyone out there should take a peek because it's incredible. It's beautiful. Beautiful. 

Yeah. Yeah. It's all in there. And  I really do feel like, um, I'm transitioning into this place where I'm sharing my art for the people that I used to be, you know, 15 years ago. Like I wish I had stumbled upon, you know, someone who was at this place in their life to be like, Hey, it's okay. Like that box is going to come back down. Don't forget about it. You know, keep peeking in every now and again. So I feel like my art is kind like a symbol of like, it's okay.

Like it's going to be okay if not now soon, you know, it's like a visual reminder. Yeah.

Goal. You, you have a goal with this. Right. Would your, what's your end  game if you will.

Well, yeah, here's the thing. So, um, a lot of people like, oh, you should be an art teacher, you know? And I'm like, yeah, yes, but I don't want to be an art teacher because I've already invested so much of my life into the special education world that starting over, you know, with an art, I'd have to get an art credential and I'd have to, you know, get an art job. And it's a whole nother thing. And the art is something right now. It's extremely therapeutic and I just do it for me.

Um, and I kind of do whatever I want. So if I'm now an art teacher, then I'm taking this passion and I'm changing it into something else. And so there's an artist by the name of Ronald Jackson and I listened to a podcast. Um, Danielle Krisha is the jealous curator. I listened. That's one of the things that I listened to. Um, in addition to your podcast, of course,

All my podcasts I listened to usually at night or in the early morning when I'm doing my artwork. Um, and she interviewed him and he was in the military he talked about how he loved painting and it was his passion, but he was in the military. And so he would, you know, paint on the side and do things for people and do little odd jobs here and there. And then at one point, he's like, that's it, I'm going to get out of the military. And I'm going to, you know, pursue some sort of like graphic design or something like some art-related job.

And then he realized that he would be completely starting over career-wise and it would actually take away from the time he had free to make art in the future. And so he ended up just continuing to build his art career on the side and signed up for another 10 years of the military and just his discipline and dedication, you know, on the side is where is what built his career up.

So by the time he did finish those 10 years, he stepped out of his military career and retired into a full-blown art. You know, he was a prolific artist by the time he retired from the military. And so I'm very inspired by that. And so I think about him a lot in terms of like the teaching world and like the discipline and the late nights and the early mornings and just slowly building up the art. So I would love to retire from being a teacher.

Um, you know, when it's my time and just step out into my, my art life.

Yeah. I mean, I think that's incredible. I mean, cause you also love doing what you do. I mean, I do, I get the impression, it's like, you have this beautiful career right now and you're working with your passion, but eventually that passion may become your next career too. And you're retired, but still yeah, painting that's I mean, that's beautiful. And what an amazing thing to look forward to. Right, I don't even see myself retiring, so that's just scary, which brings me to, I mean, what would you tell someone, right?

What would you, yeah, what would you tell somebody like myself who I really don't know my passions. I don't have a really, yes. I started this podcast and it's creative and I love creativity and things like that, but I don't really, I'm still trying to figure out what my passions are and you know who I was, but who I am now. Um, yeah. What would you tell somebody like me, who's a little just lost in translation?

I know, I know. I would actually think back to when you were a little kid and because I'm around them all day long, I would think back and, or even like ask your parents, like, what did you love to do when you were little? And those are the kinds of like things that we do naturally and sometimes subconsciously, and then we kind of forget about them, but we were doing them when we were little for some reason. And it's mostly because we love, we just love to do that.

Who knows what it was. Yeah, that's great, that's great advice. Cause I feel like I, yeah, I almost feel pressure, right? Like, oh my, I need a passion. I need hobbies. What they are, what I never thought to think about. What's my innate natural love at all. And I'm not coming up with anything right now. So that's a whole meditation in itself. And if you go to Facebook, I will post what it was, but we'll see.

But it might take some time, but yeah, and actually love that because  I even think of my kids and what they were liking kindergarten, you know, that pure joy, untouched, just happiness of just who they are. Cause they don't know anything else right now my kid in high school, you know, I look at and it's just, wow, you know, all this self-consciousness, you know, they lost that like pure joy, right?

It's like their, yeah. Like their innate.

Spirit. Yeah. And I guess we all have to reconnect with that kindergarten pure joy self and, and what we loved. And how do you feel, how do you feel that now that you've kind of taken your passion, you know, you have a direction where you're going, how do you feel like it's changed your parenting and maybe your family?

Oh, I just, I feel like, I'm so much more patient. I've always been a patient person, but I feel like, I'm less, there's no edge of resentment in like I'm taking care of everybody all day long, but not myself. So I don't, I don't feel like I have that like edge of resentment that parents can get when you just give and give and give and give because I'm flipping it around and giving back to myself. And so I feel like, okay, you know, gearshift, I'm a mom right now.

I'm doing the mom thing. My kids are, you know, the top priority right now. But in two hours, I'm my top priority. So yeah. It makes me feel great, you know, it's.

Oh, it should be. And it also sounds like you're also living in the moment. I mean, as much as you do these shifts, but it's more that like in this moment, I'm at work and I'm a teacher and I'm living in this moment, not worrying about everything else in this moment. I am parenting, I am doing this. Right. And in this moment, I'm for myself. And it's, there's something really beautiful about just being in the moment. Right. Cause a lot of times we're in a space and I might be parenting, but I'm really not in the moment. I'm too busy thinking about all the other things I might need to do or resentments or whatever it is, you know, being able to be in that moment is really key in special.

Yeah. And I think that's something we all work on, you know, as parents, we're always trying to live in the moment, and being attentive to the moment, you know, is always something we're working on. For sure. Yeah.

Well, is there anything else you want to share or tell parents out there about some rekindling, their passion,.

Just know that you have one. I think I love that everyone has one. Yeah. Everyone has something. And even if it's, even if you know, you were a little kid and you used to, you know, pick up sticks and line them all up in a row, there's something about that that can come out of you as a, as a grownup, as something. So just think back and remember and know that it's in you. Yeah.

Before all this, you know, life in society, kinda like, you know, took over. Yeah.

I love that. I love that. You know? Yeah, everybody has one because everybody has one and yeah. Just figuring it out what it is so happy that you came on the show, shared your story because I do think it's important for us parents to hear these inspiring stories, these people that have achieved what we're looking for and how they did it, because then it makes me go out and go, oh, okay. I can do this. Or I can find that. And.

I think that's really helpful for parents to just know that they can that's. Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. And, if you feel like you can't then start with getting the supports in place and the help that you need to move forward and then it will get better. Yeah. That's a great one too. Well, thank you again for coming on the show. Thank you for having me.

Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. I know I cannot wait to actually go sit down and think about what I loved as a child to start figuring out what my passions are and then how to implement them in my daily, weekly life. So thank you so much, Emily, for joining us today and getting us inspired about finding our passions and please visit our Facebook group and tell us what your passions are. What have you discovered?

We cannot wait to hear from you and don't forget to follow  Real Life Momz. So you don't miss an episode.