Reconnecting With Your Needs: A Conversation With Life Coach Rebecca Karson

Welcome back to the Real Life Moms podcast. This is a place where you can take a break from parenting and the chaos of the day to day to do list and really sit and focus on yourselves. I'm Lisa Foster, your host, and today we are talking about How to continue nurturing ourselves during all the transitions and phases in parenting.

And I'm here with a fellow mom, Rebecca Karson. She is a life coach and she helps moms throughout the stages of motherhood, especially during the speed bumps of life. Thank you so much for coming on the show, Rebecca. Gosh, thank you so much for having me. I would love for the listeners to know a little bit more about your backstory and what brought you to coaching and helping other moms.

So I have had a collection of careers, which I kind of, I say collection because I literally collect them and I just keep adding things. And through that experience, I realized through a dynamic lifetime of careers that the [00:01:00] connection I get with people is always the most important part.

 Being able to connect and sort of make a difference in people's lives. It's just what I thrive on. And so after cOVID and a bit of breast cancer. I Recognize that and allowed myself to dive into life coaching, to be able to share my experience and, my outlook and hopefully, enhance people's lives a little bit with each relationship. Yeah. And I love that you collect careers because I think a lot of us think we get into a career and have to stay in it. And, back in the day it was like taboo to change, you know, it was cool to say, I've been in a career for 25 years or 30 years. Right. And the person that was like, I was only in there for a year or two, but you do learn a lot from the changes and you grow with each one of them.

So I love that you've done that. I feel like, I can tie them together with a common [00:02:00] thread. Because they all do sort of affect life in a way. I'm an art director for photo shoots, mostly food, TV and, and stills. I do interior design. I sell real estate and I'm a life coach. So kind of touch on how and why, and where people live.

But the why is really the, the part that, that just gets me going the most. And I saw your website. I was on it. And you had this little statement that you help moms rediscover what they may have put on hold for themselves. And I don't know, for some reason that like, just hit me when I read it, because I was like, Huh, that's so true.

 I definitely put things on hold, to start a family, and kind of forgot about them. But there was something, like, relieving about that statement, which made me feel that I could pick those things back up, you know, that they weren't necessarily gone forever, right? So I really love that.

I think it's very important for [00:03:00] us to, as moms, to remember. Sort of what was instilled in us as children, to find what we love, to, to develop that, to discover that, to pursue that, from when we were little on, you know, through college, we dive deeper, often our careers are stemmed from those things, and we focus on that, and then for some reason, when we become mothers, We sort of flip the switch and we take all of that energy that we, we were using on developing ourselves to develop our kids, which of course is what being a mother is about, but we tend to forget about ourselves and that that's just as important in general, but specifically to be a good mother, to be a role model and to just be happy and fulfilled.

Which makes you a better mother. So, how do you help some of your clients actually kind of [00:04:00] rediscover those lost parts of them? I first sort of like help them remember. I mean, honestly, one of my first questions to them is, What did you want to be when you grew up? And, I ask the question and they answer.

And it almost triggers. Remembering those things that that they did love when they were younger that they focused on that they excelled at. And then I asked the question, who are you now? And they answer the question. And it's amazing and coaching when you allow someone to talk, they uncover things that they don't when they're just thinking.

You know, we tend to think in sort of the same cycle of thoughts, I call them like the greatest hits, you know, we sort of swirl in those, but when you're talking to someone who is there to listen, who is listening, who is hearing things potentially differently than, than the person saying them [00:05:00] is. And getting, not feedback, but, you know, as you know, my job is to ask questions that further explore those things.

And what is uncovered and realized is amazing. so in that sequence, back to the sequence of questions, I asked, what do you want? What did you want to do when you grow up? What are you now? And then what do you want to be? And again, just let let them answer and so much of of what they're searching for or wanting to discover comes out just in in those simple questions.

Then we usually dive in and sort of explore maybe why they're not there and how they can be and what might need to be done to sort of recalibrate their, their life, you know, their balance life air quotes, because balance life is sort of this funny pressurized statement, because really an unbalanced life is what you really want, because it has to be able to [00:06:00] shift.

Things are always shifting and you have to accept that. Otherwise, you're just gonna like. struggle. But we work on figuring out how to be the mom you want to be and be the person you want to be. Well, first of all, I love the out loud talking because you're right. Sometimes When you say something out loud, and especially if somebody's repeating what you said, you're like, wait, I didn't mean that, or I didn't know that, right?

Like, you almost have to really hear it for yourself, so I think that is such a key piece to it, so yes, I love that. And I love that you just said unbalanced life. Can you, like, dive a little deeper into that? Because that is refreshing. Talk about unbalanced life and what that means and how that helps us kind of shift.

Well, I think, we always hear, find your balance, you know, find your balance life. And, and for a long time, I used to say, well, my balance life, and I would make this, I would make a scale that was off kilter. And like, I'd call it a balanced life, but I'd be like, you know, one side is higher than the other, [00:07:00] but, still calling it a balanced life.

But then I just realized, no, we all have a unique unbalanced life. We all have different priorities. We have different. Responsibilities. There's so many factors and to like, put this pressure of balanced life. It's like saying perfect. Like, we don't want to. Actually, you want to be perfectly imperfectly ourselves or unbalanced ourselves find that right thing and also it's equally equally as important recognize that it looks different throughout life motherhood.

 It needs to. I just love that so much. I've never thought of feeling, yeah, I've always kind of, you know, tried for balance. And I've used that balance word all the time, but I've never correlated to actually being like perfect. But it does make sense, right? That, that balance almost like does equal that perfect.

And that's not, that's not great, right? Yeah, [00:08:00] being messy is. It's great. There's so much learning in that and trying and evolving and yeah, okay, I'm walking sideways from now on, but it is it's true were all unique and, and I don't know society somehow kind of. guardrails us into not being, not, not accepting that, embracing that.

And I think that's super, super important. So, you know, another, another thing that I encourage, my clients to do also is sort of, I've, at least I have, I've always lived by the idea of don't waste your wonders, which is probably why I have the collection of careers. And adventures I'm sort of very spontaneous person and it's often when I start, you know, like I wonder, wonder, wonder, and then I go, stop, just do it, just do it, like, you expend this energy, wondering, creating all these stories, or just do it and see how it goes.

 And [00:09:00] pivot or don't have it or embrace or I don't know, it's just we tend not to allow ourselves that as mothers. And, I just work really, really, really hard to try to, inspire. Mom's to do that. Yeah, and I think a lot of it is there's fear right fear for yourself But as a mom there's fear for now the whole family There's so many other people involved if you do something try something move somewhere That you're also affecting so many other lives that I think it kind of stops us too.

And you're right, there's so many stories that go on, but it doesn't have to be that way. I think another thing that gets in the way is guilt. I think as moms, we feel like it's guilty, like feel guilty. Doing things for ourselves. There's, there are certain things again, like societal norms that sort of we're less guilty about for some reason.

And we tend to then do those things when, when we do, you know, when the kids start going off to school and [00:10:00] become more independent, you know, we like work out, we, get our hair done, we shop, and this self care concept, which is so hot right now. I mean, as it should be, but the self care air quotes is always sort of the, you know, the external stuff and it's never like our insides, which it's crazy to me because obviously how we feel not only is like reflected in how we look, but it's reflected in everything we do.

And so to be. Nurture that for ourselves so that we can show up to the people, to the places, to the responsibilities. That we have in the way that we want to and hope to, there should be zero guilt for that. Yeah, definitely, I am, like, I grew up with guilt. I think, like, it was, like, in my DNA growing up.

It's still there. And yes, when you do, like, for me, if I did something for myself, [00:11:00] I felt like I was taking away almost from others. You know, whether it's, like, I'm working out, so that's taking away time from My kids or I'll if I take get my hair done or buy something that that money that I use is taking away from the family, you know, like there's guilt everywhere.

I've gotten I've worked really hard on this and I have done some internal self care. But you're right. I think also, getting your nails done is kind of a quick fix. Diving deep into taking care of your insides. That's also a lot more work, more beneficial, but a lot more work than getting your nails done or hair done.

Right? Right. And I also think there is sort of, you know, it's hard, you know, it's hard to uncover those things that can be complicated and covered up by getting through the day, doing the things, having the, Cleanhouse nice house outfit, you know, exactly. But when we neglect those things They come up in other ways.

And I [00:12:00] think, to not, recognize that is so dangerous as we see it. I mean, it comes up in resentment, it comes up in stress, anxiety, And like you said, I mean that you know how you feel when you do something that's good for you that, you know, how do you come home? How do you feel amazing?

Yeah, I'm shining. I'm ready to be there for everybody. You know, it's not and I'm not resentful about it either, or angry. I'm like happy to do because I've taken care of myself. Yeah. Exactly. We show up better. And so, yeah, I just hope that, we can sort of move past the guilt and recognize that. Because that's a double whammy.

And it's like, we're the parent we want to be and we're the person we want to be. And we're taking care of ourselves and allowing ourselves to thrive so that we can make. The little ones thrive. And this internal self care, I'm going to call it, there's life coaching. I think of therapy, you know, what other types of things can be internal self care?

Because I think that's the other issue. People don't know what to [00:13:00] do. I mean, that's what, that's where the like, what did you want to be when you grew up? What did you do when you were young that, you know, what, how did you play? How did you have fun? What were you interested in? Do those things, re explore those things, whether it's, you know, you can take a class, you can start a new career, I think seven years ago when I, I got my real estate license, there was a part of me, I was always interested in real estate, but I had hit a point where I just wanted to learn something new.

You know, and I don't know where that comes from, but it was just I wanted to learn something new. So like we forget that we can still do that, especially these days. I mean, there's online courses. There's tons of stuff to do. There's, pottery places. There's music. There's there's think of what you do for your kids and do it for yourself.

Yeah, so when you sign them up for dance class, take one too. But so true, so true, because when I learn something, that's where I'm shining. I love that, whether it's through a book, podcast, course, [00:14:00] exactly what you're saying. I, that makes, that fills me the most out of anything, I think. , much more than getting my hair cut or nails done, for sure.

Or go to the concert, or go to, you know, just explore. You know, just do something different. Get out of the box. And I don't know, I, it's, I find it hard to believe someone's not going to come back a little bit energized, in a way that's, again, going to be, good for everyone involved. In parenting, there's good times, there's bad times.

You talk about something called speed bumps. Can you tell us a little bit of more what you consider a quote unquote speed bump and how can we still kind of nurture ourselves through those types of transitions? , anything I guess that is unexpected, can sort of qualify as a speed bump. For me, it was breast cancer a few years ago, I think being fulfilled and taking care of yourself in general, in general, as a mom, which honestly, like I kind of note in my coaching, [00:15:00] don't wait till the kids are about to leave for college, like start early when they.

When you drop your kids off for kindergarten, like, and you're sad and you're teary and you can't believe they're walking down the hall by themselves to their classroom, we tend to just feel like loss or sadness. What I want to instill in moms is, it's opportunity. They're in school for the day. Take it as an opportunity.

Yeah, sure, they're growing up, but that's amazing. That's our goal. Our job here is to, create independent humans. So, yeah, it's hard to believe it happens, but it does and it keeps on happening. And take those moments, you can be sad, but take them as opportunities. Being a mom of older kids, I see so many friends, peers, clients.

Who feel like the rug has been pulled out from under them as their kids truly, become independent. Whether it's they're driving themselves around and they're not home anymore, or they're off to college. And to me, I mean, it's never, ever too late, [00:16:00] but I always wish I could have gotten to them when their kids went off to kindergarten when that warning light, it's like a car warning light, like, you know, like.

Tires are low. We tend to ignore that until like a real problem as the kids. So they get older That's the warning light of they are going to leave take advantage of this moment. Look at as an opportunity to Fill yourself up with what is important to you and what you thrive on so that when that day comes the rug isn't pulled out from under you.

You've set a great example for them and you've maintained yourself, you've developed yourself, and you were going to show up to them just wholer, really. And I feel this on so many levels because my daughter is. Looking at colleges, actually. We're going soon to visit some. She will be going away next year.

But I do, I feel like because I've done so much work, this process, of course, I'm sad, you know, she's going. It'll be different. The [00:17:00] dynamics will change in the family for sure, but I also am so excited. Like, I feel much more the excitement about the next phase because I feel very concrete. I feel very grounded.

I feel like I have a lot of my own things that I'm doing, and I've filled my bucket up so much that, yeah, it's exciting. It's an exciting experience for us. Yeah. And, and exactly like what you were asking is being more filled up, filling, like filling your bucket. Exactly. Like you said, it makes anything that could feel hard, a little less hard, which is sort of.

Go with the speed bumps. Obviously speed bumps, speed bump and whatever it is, you have to deal with it and get through it. I think that I sort of I don't know if I would say don't waste the one. This is related to don't waste the wonders, but I've always done the thing. I don't know.

I, I was very lucky. First of all, with my breast cancer was stage zero, but I took a drastic step and, and had a double [00:18:00] mastectomy when I didn't need to, because I just was going to do, you know, do the thing and especially when it promises a healthier outcome, but I think feeling like I'm, I'm living a really fulfilling life and doing the things and not wondering helped my mindset and, made it easier to get through that and come out of it with zero regrets.

Silver linings. It just makes you a healthier person, I think. And, obviously being a healthier person makes anything, easier. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you got through that, obviously. But yes, the mindset, I feel like is a huge part of any sort of healing journey, for sure. So that can really change how you physically feel emotionally feel it's such a big part of the healing process that sometimes we just forget about in there.

And I mean, I think even for me, like, I think even that experience for me is [00:19:00] one of the reasons I became a life coach. It's it's being able to relate and connect and maybe make it easier. I mean, literally last night I spoke to someone who I connected with on Facebook, who was about to have my surgery, tomorrow and, and to be able to help someone feel better, especially when it's a hard, hard thing, or if it's not so hard thing, 

it's what I realized makes me thrive, which sort of is the impetus of, of wanting to work with people so they can find what makes them thrive. So if someone's going through a speed bump right now, whatever, I know there's ranges of speed bumps, like what's one actionable step that you would recommend to do?

I mean, I think keeping the mindset of

who you want to be. After beat mom, I think. Obviously, you have to get through it and whatever, you know, [00:20:00] there's a million scenarios, so it's hard to sort of pinpoint a real strategy, but I think just keeping your mind there and knowing, or, focusing on that, and taking the information that you get through getting through whatever it is, and being strong and brave, which I hate those words, but, you know, just like, but those, but being empowered by the thought of who I want to be, you And that, everything is sort of gives you something, you know, just experience.

 Just thinking forward and knowing there's reason and it's usually somewhere, somewhere, somewhere, you know, a good one. I mean, it's a stretch sometimes. Silver linings are not always so silver, but, there's always something that, that I think you come away with. And I love the thought of like, how you're saying, see who you want to be.

Because I think when we're in the space, we're in this space, it's hard to see anything out of it. I don't even think we think about the other side. You [00:21:00] just think about like, you're kind of like that. I think that's the only time you're in the moment, right? Is, is that time where it's so difficult that you just can't think of anything else.

You're just in that moment. So I love the fact of seeing yourself where you want to be, who you want to be, and just looking forward to that and just taking the steps to really the next step to get to that end game. Absolutely. And even in the hard moment, you know, I mean, for me, one of the things that was sort of amazing.

Was, as moms again, you know, we're usually the ones taking care and, even though, listen, it was, it wasn't fun at all. It was a lot, but I, I had people taking care of, you know, even in that moment, it was like amazing to see to have that and, and sometimes a really terrible thing. Makes you realize how lucky you are, even when you're not feeling super lucky in that moment.

Yeah, so where can people [00:22:00] find you? So my website is RebeccaKarson. com. And that, that's my coaching website. I have an Instagram, same thing, Rebecca karson. Um, those two are the best spots. Great. And what kind of services do you offer? So I offer, life coaching, sort of for the everyday, just, you know, I call it thrive.

It's just sort of what we've talked about, you know, holding, discovering, exploring, holding onto who and why you are. But then I also do. Coaching, like we talked about, like speed bumps, divorce coaching and empty nesting, which is, you know, similar, you know, holding onto who we are through the moments that are tougher with some strategies, to get through those moments and transitions.

 And I just support my clients through, again, through every day or through those tougher moments. Just by allowing them to be, [00:23:00] and you know, empowering them a little bit to get through it. . Well, thank you, Rebecca, for coming on.

It's just a great conversation. So enjoyable. And I just, I learned so much. So thank you. Thank you. It was a pleasure talking with you.