Moving On From The Past: Transforming Your Future with Donna Tashjian

Today I am Joined by Donna Tashjian Donna is the founder of Vibrant Living International, a non profit organization.

She is a life mastery coach, an ordained minister, a podcaster, and an author. She empowers you to master life, spirit, soul, and body. Donna, thank you so much for joining me on the Real Life Momz podcast. Thank you, Lisa. And I, I love the title. So many times we get the impression that as moms, we can't be real.

, and to show our messes, to show the real us and all of the things I love what you're doing. So I appreciate it. Oh, thank you so much. And yes, there's really Only real about me, what you see is what you get, because that's all I can handle. That's right. So thank you. Donna, I [00:01:00] know you do so much for women out there and moms, and I know you have your own personal journey with this, but what really inspired you to help women rise above their past and create a life of their dreams?

Well, women are amazing. We're just flipping amazing and we don't know it. And you know, if you were to watch any one of us like to watch ourselves go through all that we do in a day, we're just amazing. And I want to help women know that and to enjoy it too, to enjoy life. There's so much stress. And motherhood and, and then all of the things that, you know, we're not just mothers, there's always more and all of the things that go with that.

And so I, I just think women are amazing and, and [00:02:00] much more powerful than we realize. I love that. You just said that because. Even coming on this podcast, like I had the day off today and I'm exhausted because, you know, I decided to go for a hike with my son, which was lovely, but we were just in crunch time.

Then I had to go grocery shopping because we have like no food in the house. I mean, zero. I've been really slacking. So I did that, but then I had to drop them off at tennis and then I had to go do this. And then I had to come home and. Grab my computer and see if it was charged podcast that I feel like a mess, honestly.

And this is my day off. I was like, boy, I really wish I went to the office. Yes. Our days off are more work than when we're working, which is why I think I have a day job. It is being home is tough. But tell me a little bit more also about your journey. I know that you have had some things in your [00:03:00] past that you needed to overcome that may have sparked some of this stuff for you as well to help other women.

Well, we don't always appreciate adversity, but we can learn from it, and we can, it doesn't always mean we do, but we can. yes, if you haven't heard my story, thank you for giving me the opportunity to share a little bit about my journey. At the age of 14, someone that was close to our family hurt me, I became pregnant.

Um, I was a mother at 15, so I literally feel like I've been a mother my whole entire life and it is the most wonderful, scary thing that there that there ever will be. But do you remember when you were 15? And, you know, how you, you feel about yourself, there's so much going on in a teenager's body and [00:04:00] mind and trying to figure out who they are.

And now I am holding a newborn. Scared out of my wits, and I remember right after I brought her home, she was eight pounds, so three, three ounces, I think I've had, it's been a while, um, and crying. Going, maybe I should have given you up, but I couldn't and I may fail, but I'm going to love you. And, and that was my biggest fear is to fail as a mom.

And I think we all, when we hold that newborn, that feeling of, Oh my God, I'm so in love, but I don't know what I'm doing. And I raised her. I did raise her. I graduated high school before I was 17. I was had my own place full time employed by the time I was a [00:05:00] little bit over 18. Um, to say those years were hard.

I don't know what adjective. I mean, I think you can feel it kind of in this presence that we're having right now. The struggle with anger and resentment and low self esteem and will anybody ever love me? Um, in my religious upbringing, I was not that great anymore. And that whole, you know, no, but will anybody ever love me?

 And, uh, I was not a, uh, looser girl, you know, this happened one, one time and I'm pregnant. So, you know, it's just all of those kinds of things were going in. So how did I go from that scared teenager to the woman you see before you as an international ministry, helping [00:06:00] women to rise above the pain, the disappointment, the insecurity, so that we can be who we were created to be.

I like to call it this way. Let's stop identity theft. One of the things, and I'm not talking, of course, our credit card, all of the words, you know, I'll probably never amount to anything. I won't even finish high school. I'll be on welfare. All of the things. Um, and I did have a relationship with God and that's part of my story on why I am where I am today.

But I wanted to prove everybody wrong, but I didn't know how. So the journey that I took to begin to build my self esteem, to begin to believe in myself, to begin to heal from the past are the same things that I'm helping people with today to be who they were created to be. My podcast is called You Were Designed for Greatness.

One of my, [00:07:00] uh, people that interviewed me this past week said, do you think people know? What that what you mean by that and I'm like, probably not because we all think something grand like someone who has changed, you know, find a cure for diabetes or something great that is huge. And really what I'm talking about.

Is you being authentically you. That's greatness. Because so many time, if I try to be you, I'm gonna be a real poor imitation. And vice versa. But when we can just be me, without having to prove anything, without having to, to defend anything, just to be us. That's true vibrancy. That's true living. So that was kind of a long story, but oh my God, [00:08:00] no, every word was so important.

I love it. I love it. And there's so much there, but I'm going to go right to the greatness, honestly, because how do people know that? I love that. You're right. Greatness does not need to be this grand thing. And that was something I discovered even on this podcasting journey, as I'm put myself out there all the time, I started to realize like who I really am, which was a real journey.

And I thought to do something or to talk about something it did, it had to be great, or I had to be amazing at something. But when I really sat down with myself, what I realized is. My true passion is encouraging others to do something that's their unique thing that they do, you know, that they really want to do that lights me up and inspires me.

And I was like, well, why can't that be my thing? Like, why does it have to be so grand? [00:09:00] Like, why can't it be simple, but still make a big impact? And so much bigger is that to find help people find fulfillment and purpose. In, in all of parts of life and the other thing that you've probably discovered is the more raw or real we are, the more people relate.

We're really tired of our social media faces, those, you know, those, those, you know, have you seen the pictures where they show a staged area and the mom, you know, sitting there and she's all beautiful and stuff, that kind of thing. And in the, the camera pans and there's chaos, there's Cheerios on the wall and there's dirty laundry.

The dog's pulling the kid out the door and, you know, all of life kind of stuff. But, her social media stage was perfect. Yes. No. And I, I love social media, but I don't like that part. It's like, I have to [00:10:00] compete with so and so. I have to prove that I'm as good as or as happy as. And we, the ugly crying videos get more watched than all of those others.

So, being authentic is great. And someone told me, I think I was in my forties and someone was praying for me and said, Donna, I feel like the next phase of your life, you are going to be such a gift to the world, but who is going to be the most surprised about what that gift is, is you.

And I think that's exactly it. I think when you show up as you are and the world is touched, you, you have no idea of your power. You finally like realize that and I think part of it is that. A lot of those things that come easy to us are technically we'll call them a [00:11:00] gift, right?

Yes. Those things that come easy to us. We don't see that we even have, it's usually a friend that says, just like your friend said to you, right? It's usually a friend that says that like, Oh, you know, you can do this. You don't even see it because it's so simple and so natural for you. Well, that's exactly what happened when I started vibrant living.

I had been mentoring and coaching people for decades, but it always been something I did on the side. It was just always happening. I had regular appointments with people every Tuesday at 10 for, for years. But it was just something I did. And so when I had this epiphany moment, which we have those soul searching moments, it's what do I really want to do now that I'm all grown up?

And the picture I got was this red thread going through my life when I was in what I call my sweet spot. And I was sitting talking with women. My youngest daughter goes, mom, there was always women on the couch crying all the time, [00:12:00] you know, and that was just what I did. And I'm like, that's a gift. And, and we don't even realize 

so then I said yes to myself and learned how to do that better. , I went back to school. I'd lost a job, didn't have the money. I said Geronimo and jumped anyway. And vibrant living was born out of all of that soul searching where I felt I had lost a job. I felt worthless. Ever feel worthless? Yeah.

It's like, um, I wrote in my journal, I feel like a piece of trash. Someone's left at the curb and nobody wants or needs. And we've all had those days. We feel like a failure. We feel like we're not good enough. We feel like we don't do enough. All of the things. But our emotions are not truth. They just reflect what we believe at that moment about ourselves.

That's a [00:13:00] writer downer. Cause that emotion stuff gets us. Our emotions must be true. No, our emotions are reflecting what I believe about me or the world at that moment. And so then we get to choose, well, do I want to believe it? Or do I want to find the truth? And who do I want to be? How do I want my kids to know?

I mean, some of us will be business owners, entrepreneurs, jobs, CEOs, and some of us will raise children that will change the world. And there's all kinds of women in all kinds of walks of life. There's no comparison. One of the things that I say is, You pick a flower, Lisa. Who, what kind of flower would you like to be today?

A sunflower. A sunflower. It's a perfect flower to pick for this time of year. And so I'm going to be a rose. And[00:14:00] I'm upset because you're old and out there and I'm kind of prickly. I'm pretty and I'm kind of prickly and I smell good. And I'm comparing myself to you.

What would the world be without a rose or a sunflower? And they were never made to be compared. And I love that illustration. I love that. And I think there's something that I once read the flowers in the garden are not looking around at other flowers. They just bloom. Yep. Right. So we can all just bloom ourselves.

We don't have to look around and compare. Right. What I think I want to really grab from you is how do we pull ourselves out, right? We're down, we're in these stories of self doubt, we don't have enough money to do it. How do we say yes? And how do we pull ourselves out of these times 

and you want me to fix all of that in the next 10 minutes or so. That's [00:15:00] all you have, but you could show up authentically you and Give us whatever you got. Oh, I jokingly say when people start working as clients with me, and how long will this take? And I'll say, well, I have a surprise for you. I'm going to be shipping you a magic booth.

And when you step in, I'm going to say abracadabra, and everything's going to be all better. And we don't, and never, we all laugh about it, but we kind of want that. We kind of do. Yes and no, because I do think the work along the way, the hard stuff, like we get so much out of that and without doing those things that knock us down or whatever, we, we miss out, you know, we miss out.

So if I went into that magic booth and came out, I would, I would be missing all this beauty that I would have learned along the way. I don't think anybody's ever said that to me before, but that's very true. All right, [00:16:00] so how do we some of the things that we can begin to do is allow ourselves to dream and what we really want.

If you could do anything and there was no restrictions. Don't, don't tell me, but yeah, but one of the blogs I wrote is where are you putting your but? Because whatever you say, but you negated whatever became before it. I look pretty today, but this is just old dress, you know, whatever, wherever you put your butt, you negate.

So no butts. Okay. So what do you want to do with no limitations? Because we use our imagination most of the time to terrorize ourselves. Thinking about all the things that go, you have kids, your imagination goes crazy of all the things that could go wrong. And if we step into teenage years, there is a whole new degree of [00:17:00] terror.

For those of you listening, I have three adult children and seven grandchildren. So I've been through the gamut. Now my grandchildren are starting to hit teen years. So, but learning to be able to really, because there's something really powerful about owning a desire.

This is what I want where we, sabotage ourselves is putting a timeline on it has to be by a certain amount of time. or listing all the reasons why it can't happen. So for just a little bit, a period of time while we have here or later on when you're listening to this again. So what, what are some of the things that you want?

What are you desire? What are some steps you, one baby step you could make toward making that happen? One of the biggest things that helps people is to find [00:18:00] somebody, usually besides a girlfriend, but someone who, a coach, someone to help you see your blind spots. Somebody who's done what you're wanting to do.

Somebody who's accomplished it. Why do the hard way? Let's learn from someone who's already done whatever it is that is on your heart. One of the key ways to tell what, what your desire purpose calling is, because that's a lot of times what we wrestle with is when something happens and it's not taken care of.

It bothers you, it, it's like, well, that shouldn't be that way and we can just step into criticism without ever doing it. Well, who am I? I can't fix that. One of the ways that if you see a need, it's probably what happened when you started the podcast. [00:19:00] You saw a need and you're like, it shouldn't be this way.

What can I do about it? And you didn't know what you were doing at all. I still don't. I hate to say it. And, and, and, and, but we just, we were just like, okay, I'll do one episode. What can happen? We'll just see what happens. And starting your fifth season now, so learning to be able to just look at what you see as needs.

What are some of the things you desire? What would you like to see changed? And then get in some type of support to help you learn how to take wise steps on what's the next step. But there is a lot by listening to your intuition, listening to your spirit, listening to your gut, whatever word resonates with you and begin to say, I'm going to quit saying I can't do anything.

And what is it? Another big thing I'll give one more big thing [00:20:00] that can help is your daily affirmations. Now I want to change it up perhaps a little bit different. The first thing I want you to do when you begin to create daily affirmations is write down everything in the world that you're afraid is going to happen.

Everything that's bothering you, everything that's stressing you out. And then you write down an affirmation that is. Answering that fear or concern, I'm not good enough. I don't know enough. How many women out there felt like that? Okay. So say it, let's use that one because I think we've all felt like that.

So if that's my fear is I know enough to start today and the rest I'll learn. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about now is because most of us don't really face our fears. And this is facing your fear [00:21:00] and then taking a truth. I don't have to know how to have a do it all. I just know how to take one step and it's okay if I learned.

And so that is one example of taking your fears. I won't have enough money. I don't have to have enough money today. I just need to take one step. And I love working with women. I have created one of my books is the key to transform your life. And it's 30 days of affirmation. And every day they have different ones in the book to be able to create ones that you pick the ones that resonate the most with you.

And then you begin to create a habit. Because affirmations, the words you speak, the thoughts you think will change your world. Guaranteed. So true and so beautiful. And I agree. I love that you used fear as the example, really, to start [00:22:00] because I don't even know where all this fear actually comes from.

I think of like, infants, right? I'm a pediatric physical therapist. I see infants all the time. They get up, they fall down, they keep trying, they get up again. Like, this is who we were. We used to do that. We weren't afraid of failing to learn to walk or crawl, right? I mean, if we did, we would never have done anything.

Nope.

And I like to remind, we weren't born with low self esteem and have those, those thoughts and fears happen by what's happening to us and or around us. And so learning, but it can change. You can be a confident, powerful. Woman, it doesn't mean I don't ever have for your thoughts. They just don't dominate anymore.

Yeah. Yes. I love that. And just making smaller goals, like you said, [00:23:00] one step, one step is much different than like I'm going to start a podcast. Well, that's scary since I can't even turn on the computer. As you know, when you came on, there was no audio. So right. That happens. But I could take one step and actually just do one solo episode or one thing and just keep moving forward and building.

So I love that one step forward. So working with so many women and through your own journey, what was The real key is there. I know there's not just one key and I know we don't have an hour, but what is a key that you find, to help build that really life that you desire.

I always have a vision and keep looking forward is the biggest thing. If we were to take a road trip, and you were to pull out of your driveway in your car, [00:24:00] could you take, could you get very far down the road by looking in your rearview mirror only. Wow. How do we drive our life most of the time? Well, that happened in the past and that happened and that happened and I can't let that happen again.

I messed up there. What if that and I'm looking backwards and then I wonder why I feel stuck. Yeah. And so there is, if you think about the windshield, And the rearview mirror, which is bigger, and you know, this is analogy that I need to look forward. It's continuing to look forward. One of the paradigms that I teach is my past doesn't determine my future.

Unless I let it, my past could be five minutes ago when I didn't, when I feel like I screwed up, my past does not [00:25:00] determine my future unless I let it. And so learning to be able to create forward thinking to look out the windshield and quit letting our past define us, whatever that looks like, even success.

Well, I did so good then what if I don't the next time, you know, all of the things. And so learning to be able to do that. And to me, then one of the keys for why I am where today has always been God in my life. To me, that is the source of strength when I don't know how to go on. So with that, all of the stuff that I've shared, that is a recipe for vibrant living.

Yeah. Oh, that is so powerful. I also think though, looking for too far into the future is really anxiety provoking as well, but there's something about that sweet spot that's really hard for I think people to do, which is being in that moment, [00:26:00] right? When we look too far, we usually are afraid.

Yeah. And so that's the key is that you want to be able to look. With an expansive feeling, not from a contractive. Oh my God. I never know how to get there. Because even if you looked from you being a teenager or me for where I am today, if I had saw that far, I wouldn't have believed it's possible. But five years down the road is a good picture.

Three is also good. It's nice to say how I want to be at the end of my life. You To help guide us, but as far as actually visioning it, usually three to five years is a sweet spot is a sweet spot. Yeah. Okay. That's good. So I know you have So many programs and things that are helping women. Can you tell us a little bit about where to find you, but also what you have that you are offering others? [00:27:00] Yes.

 My website is the best place to find me. There are free resources, they're free workshops, books, , all kinds of blog, my podcast, everything's there. And the website is the letter ivibrantliving.Com. So that's where you can find all kinds of things to look around. As far as my programs go, one of my signature programs is called turn your baggage into luggage so you can have the life you've dreamed.

It's a six month program, both in groups and one on one that helps people transform those painful things that happened in our life from baggage into luggage so that you can create a life you love. And so that has helped thousands of women. That have been in counseling, have been struggling to try to D.

1. I. it. And it gets results. So that is one thing that is available. I also have a workshop entitled the same. That's absolutely free on demand. You [00:28:00] can watch that and have a free workbook and work through some of those things and then see if you want to go further with me, but to help you get to know me.

 And so that's a resource. One of my other favorite is called life by design, not by default. I have my luggage packed. I got a good idea what I want, but I don't know how to get there. I feel I've even taken some baby steps and I just keep getting stuck and it feels hard and I don't know what I'm doing.

So helping you learn the tools and skills to create a life by design. A life you would love on purpose, not feeling like you live the same year over and over and over again, and nothing's really changed. And so learning the secrets, I am revealing the secrets to being able to do that, to what successful people have been doing through the centuries.

I am revealing the secrets in this to be able to share with you how to create this so that you [00:29:00] can be empowered, the more empowered you are. The more that you can share that with your kids and everyone around you, and we will just have a whole better world. So that is called life by design, not by default.

And it also has a workshop that you can attend and learn more about as well. So those are two of my favorites. Oh, they all sound amazing. So, oh, you do so much for women. And yes, those sound amazing. I'm gonna check into that.

At least start with that free workbook. That's amazing. All right. So what would you like moms to really hear today and what message do you want them to walk away with?

Don't, determine your value by one of your worst days. Whatever that looks like. , and remember that one of my coaches said to me, I'll share [00:30:00] two things in closing. Is remember that, whenever we're feeling overwhelmed, cause I called her and I'm like, I'm so overwhelmed and , I wanted Lisa, someone to like pat me on the back and go, Oh, I'm so sorry.

It's so hard. She didn't do that. That's not what she did. She said, Donna, do you realize what you're doing when you feel overwhelmed? And I'm like, what? She goes, you're picturing it, not going well, you're picturing it, you're failing, you're picturing it, not whatever not going well means. And I was, I have too much to do.

I'm not going to be able to get it all done, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And I step into overwhelm rather than just doing the one thing I can in front of me and then doing the next thing and doing the next thing as a mom. So that's number one is remember what you're doing when you're overwhelmed. We're looking really , into fear [00:31:00] instead of just doing the one thing I can do right now.

Cause I can't do everything I want. So we keep expecting ourselves to. So that's the first one is recognize what overwhelm is. And the other thing that she said to me, that's always stood out to me is especially on the days when I can't get out of bed, almost ever have those days. It's like, it's hard to even get out of bed is get up every day and proceed as if success is inevitable.

Oh, I love that one. So much. Yes. I mean, start your day with that mindset. Yeah. And how would you behave if success was inevitable? If you could not fail, what would you do? And you began to think that way, you take action that way and you'll find yourself kind of where I am. All of a sudden you're like, how did I get here?

It was getting up every day. And proceeding as success is inevitable. Somebody said to me, Donna, you're a walking miracle and [00:32:00] they meant it and all great things. And I just paused and I hugged him and thanked him. And I'm, I'm walking away going. This miracle was one decision after one decision, after one decision, after one decision, a miracle feels like it's the magic booth.

When that's not the way I got from where I was to where I am. It was learning how to make and falling down and getting up and making another decision and making those kinds of things. And I wouldn't have put it that way, but I did get up every day and said, I am going to be successful. This is going to work out somehow.

So, yeah, that is. Beautiful. That's beautiful. I love that. Well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing just so much wisdom and putting it so simply, like just take one step, one decision, [00:33:00] and just change that mindset a bit. And yeah, miracles can happen. Absolutely. Thank you. You're welcome. My pleasure.