Going On Retreat To Find Your Way Back To Yourself

Welcome to Real Life Momz. I'm your host, Lisa Foster and Real Life Momz is a podcast that's all about moms having real conversations, sharing resources, and telling their inspiring stories. Our mission is to connect moms by talking about topics that parents deal with every day and to continue these conversations through our Real Life Momz, Facebook group, where we would love for you to become part of our community. This week, I invited Brie Doyle, who is the author of You Should Leave Now, and the founder of She Glows Retreats. She hosts transformational wellness retreats in the U S and abroad.

Brie helps conscious companies, individuals, couples, and families become emotionally fit and reclaim their power, confidence, and clarity; and she does this all while being a wife and a mother of three incredible kids today, Brie and I are going to discuss about the benefits of retreats and how even a busy mom can utilize this amazing resource.

Hi, Brie, welcome to Real Life Momz. It is such an honor to have you here today.

Thank you so much for having me, Lisa. I'm excited to connect with you.

Yeah, of course. And you are so impressive. I have been kind of stalking your website, which I think I'm just putting out there that everyone should go to the briedoyle.com website because it's like so impressive, but you have done so many things. You are an author, right? And you wrote, You Should Leave Now Going On Retreat To Find Your Way Back To Yourself. And you will also the founder, She Glows Retreats and you do transformational wellness retreats in the U S and abroad. And the reason I'm having you on the show is cause you're a wife and a mother of three kids and you do all this like crazy, amazing stuff.

Yeah. Thank you. I'm excited to share some about, and I know you've lots of moms in your community and I kind of started my whole deal in the midst of mommying.

Well, and that's exactly why I wanted to bring you on just because you have a personal story. And I want to hear more about that story and just the concept behind retreats and how you really got involved and also how like busy moms like ourselves can be using this resource and should be using it. So yeah, let's just start with maybe just your personal story how'd you even get involved?

Yeah. So, you know, before, before I had kids, I studied abroad in Nepal actually. And I met this meditation teacher and I was so excited and thrilled with the path of Buddhism at that time. So I kind of dove in head first. I was 19 years old and I'm a big part of the Buddhist path was, doing retreats. So, you know, I would do regular retreats, at least one long one a year, and also many of the shorter ones. And then fast forward, many years later and I started having kids and, leaving for a retreat was a lot harder.

And so after I had my third kid, I was actually in kind of a tough spot. I was just, you know, I felt really drained all the time. I felt sad all the time. I couldn't really name what was wrong with me, but I just felt like something was off.

And I was just experiencing a lot of disempowering emotions a lot. So I proposed to my husband. I was like, listen, would you be okay if I went on a retreat for just a week? Cause I just need to, you know, I don't know what's going on with me, but I just need some time and space. And thankfully he was supportive. So I went on a retreat at that time to Costa Rica and I didn't participate in like an organized retreat, but I just went by myself. And what I realized on that trip was not that, you know, something was wrong with me and not that I was, you know, I needed some diagnosis or some label or something like that, but it was just that I'd been hemorrhaging all of my energy on to everyone around me and I just needed more space for myself.

And so, you know, I came home from that retreat and I was like, you know, I know I'm not the only woman or person who feels this way. Certainly not the only mom, and so I came home and I was really fired up. I was like, I want to start holding space for other women to have these retreat experiences because I know how important it's been for me. I mean, I came home feeling like myself, again, like a new self, but myself, you know, I felt like surely other moms and women feel this way too. So, that's kind of where it started was from really my pain point.

If that makes sense.

I  felt that pain before for sure. If you could explain a little bit more about maybe the process, because I feel like for me, I think of retreat, right? I think of quiet, I think of spa alittle yoga, but you talk much more about like a transformation. And what's that, can you speak to that a little bit?

For sure. So one of the things I talk quite a lot about in my book is I've  deduced, I call them the nine elements of retreat. So there are nine different components  that I would suggest you include in your retreat to really make it a transformational experience. I mean, I think a lot of what we see today when the retreating world is like, you know, again like the yoga retreat or social retreats or different kinds of retreating, which is fantastic, all of which can be really wonderful, but I feel like to, to have a really transformational experience, there are some things that need to happen on your retreat.

I'll just give you a few, like one for instance is I believe really strongly in the power of solitude. So I think having, even if you join an organized retreat, like making space on that retreat for total, total solitude, being completely by yourself, cause women, you know, we're such social creatures that we, by default, we connect with people and that's one of our greatest strengths, you know, as we're constantly empathizing and connecting and sharing, and that's one of our greatest gifts, but what happens on retreat is we need to kind of change that pattern a little bit so that we can get back to our own voice, if that makes sense.

Um, yeah. So, so like, you know, something as simple as like creating space for solitude, that's some, that's one of the elements. Another one is, going back to your basic needs. I always say this to my participants on retreat. Like if you're on this retreat and you want to come to a yoga class in the morning, but you haven't slept, do not show up for yoga. Like first you take care of your basic needs, like take care of sleeping and eating and the very basic things that like slowly over time, we deplete ourselves because we're so consumed with taking care of everybody else.

Right. Um, yeah. So I think, you know, if when you put these nine elements in place on your retreat, whether you're doing one completely by yourself or with an organized program, you know, the chances of you having true transformation is much higher.

I mean, that's my whole, all my work is around transformation. So I'm  by trade, I'm a teacher. So I  bring all kinds of modalities to my retreats for people because I want to kind of push people to their edge if that makes sense so that they have experiences that really wake them up. And so they go home, not just with like having had a nice experience and made a few friends, but going home feeling like, okay, I've had like a major shift and now I have some calls to action to, you know, right.

Well, it's so funny because, so I'm listening to you say this and like I said, I stalked you a little bit. So I heard on one of your podcasts, you were saying, and I guess this goes with the solitude is just like you do part of your retreat is you don't speak for a day or a morning or something like that. So I'm someone who likes to put things in practice, like immediately, like when I hear something sounds fun. So what I did was I said, oh, I'm going to take Saturday morning and I'm not going to talk to anyone.

And I just did try. Right. And so I did. And, um, and so what I do is I get up pretty early in the morning. So it's like 5:00 AM on a Saturday. What can talk about that another time? And I was like, I'll go until 10. That's like five hours. Right. I can, I can be silent. Okay. So what happened for me was that I really enjoyed the silence. I don't think I did what I should be doing during the silent time per se, but somebody like starts asking a question and I'm like, waving my hands. Like I was like, okay, so this really doesn't work or does it work?

You know, could it work?

That's, that's awesome that you gave it a try. And I think that, you know, the container, like it's hard, it's hard to do that kind of a thing at home because you know, you do have so many people who are, and so many patterns, right? Like we're constantly connecting with our kids and our spouse or partner or whatever. Um, so it's hard to, to break some of those patterns at home. And that's why practicing something like that on a retreat can be so effective is because you're, you have this container now that holds the space for you to experiment with. And I, you know, silence is one of the levers I like to pull for people, but I also do a separate retreat called purify where we it's a cleanse, like people fast on that one, or, you know, you can do different things.

Like some people have always wanted to try intermittent fasting or something.

So they'll come on a retreat and try that. Some people will completely do like social media fast. I mean, there's a lot of ways to use withholding. I think there's a lot, I'm a big believer in the power of withholding because I feel that we live in a time and in a culture of decadence, you know, we can get anything we want, we can have everything we want at any moment. So the way to get more information about ourselves is actually to practice with holding something, you know, because we're so used to getting everything. So you get a lot of data, right? When you about yourself, like when you do silence or when you withhold something else, you realize pretty quickly, like, you know, for me, I always realized with silence, like where are the times that I'm just feeling the air to make other people comfortable?

You know, like I, I find myself doing that in social situations sometimes. Like if there's a little long, like I'll quickly dive in to, to do what I think is like easing the social tension. Yeah.

That silence is just terrible. Sometimes you just want to, I hear you.

Right. But then, but, but then having the experience of silence on a retreat however you by practice it, it gives you kind of permission to be like, oh yeah, like I don't have to fit. There's a lot of energy. That's constantly, you know, I don't think we think about the energy that's required to constantly be connecting or holding space socially for other people, or, you know, even like smiling at every person we see. And when it's on retreat, we're not smiling at each other every morning when we're on day of silence, we're just in our little bubble. And the idea is really to hold your energy in, like, you bring your energy to yourself because it's the sentence itself is great.

But the benefit of it is what's comes after the silence, which is like this energetic surge, because you've held your energy tight and you haven't been splaying it all over the place on everybody, whether you're smiling and everyone we're talking to everyone, but you hold it tight. And then afterwards you feel this huge energetic shift because you've actually withheld for a little while, if that makes sense. So really the benefit comes after the silence, if that makes sense.

Yeah. And I guess my question to you with this is also like, how do you know what you need to withhold? Whether it's, you know, the fasting or the silence or the media, how do you figure that out?

Yeah, that's a great question. I mean, I think that it's so different for everybody and it's different every time you retreat. I mean, I'm currently doing a bit of a social media fast because I felt over time, like just so much energy has gone into that. And it's great, but I also feel like I'm not creating to the full capacity in another realm of my life that I want to be. So I have to cut something off there. You know what I mean? Like I only have so much creative energy, so I've been putting so much of it into social media. So I had to put a little pinch there so that I can put some of it into this.

I'm writing a new book. So, you know, I need my energy there.

So that's kind of how I use it as like a lever, but, you know, I think that's, what's great about the practice of withholding is that you can experiment. I mean, it should come from a place of desire. I mean, it shouldn't feel like totally forced. Now I'm not saying that like, silence is going to be like, oh, I can't wait to be, not a lot of people are gonna necessarily want to do that. But, but I do think, um, you know, if there's strong, strong opposition, you know, maybe look at that, like, what is that about? And, and if there's, if there's, if you're open to it, like, it sounded like you were open to it, which is exciting.

And then it's worth just trying, just to see what kind of information you get about yourself, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I'm open to a lot of things I have to say, so let, let's go back to the title of your book because once again, it's, you know, You Should Leave Now, right. As a mom, it's like how?  I get this question a lot. And I think that it's a, one of the things that I always say to moms specifically is that especially ones who are like, I can't possibly leave as you know, I say your retreat is a week that your family, or however long weekend a week, whatever it is that your family will never remember. And it's a week that you will never forget. You know, I really believe that when we feel ourselves first, we can come home and we have new energy.

We have new inspiration. We feel excited to be doing, just connecting with our family, with our kids, with our spouse, you know, we come home completely alive. And I think that that's the space from which all of us want to be parenting or connecting with our partner. But oftentimes we don't because we're so depleted.

So it's kind of a, it's a bit of a shift of the narrative. You know, like  the classic decorative of the mom is like doing, giving everything, doing everything to everyone else. Right. But I think retreating allows us to kind of reframe that and be like, you know, I'm going to take care of myself and I'm going to model this so that  my kids can see me take care of myself. And then I come home and they see how alive and happy and full and my partner too. And then, then it becomes this ethos, like my husband and I have this practice in our relationship where we each take a retreat once a year.

You know, we have this agreement that he goes on one by himself and I go on one by myself. And it's a really helpful thing for both of us because, you know, we're different people we're growing and do interested in different things.

And so to do it separately feels really important. Um, and I think that like, you know, once you do one, then you can allow the same kind of gift to your partner. And then they do one and it ends up like feeling like two full individuals come together as opposed to two completely depleted people, just trying to scrap it together, you know? Um, so I think it's, you know, it's a shift and it's like, you have to have conversations with your partner. If you have a partner or your kids just to be like, look, you know, in the long run, I think this is better for all of us.

And I think that when you come home for treats, certainly kids and, and partners see that, and that's all the proof that's needed, you know?

Right. And, it's okay for you to do something for yourself. When you go on your own retreat, what do you feel is the biggest thing you come back with?

That's a great question. Um, so I would say it's different every time I, I tend to go to the same little tiny monastery in Crestone, Colorado. That's very austere. Like there's a bed and a desk and it's in silence the whole time. That's just my style. But  I go to the same place, but I come back with different kind of breakthroughs and insights about myself every time that are totally based on where I am in my life. You know, like sometimes I'll come home and I'll realize, gosh, you know, I really want to put more attention into like being affectionate with my partner.

Like my partner is a really physical person and I am, but I'm a more verbal person, so I can get out of the habit of like touching him and hugging him and kissing him and all of those kinds of things, because that's just not always my way to connect.

And I feel like when I step away, I get this bird's eye view of like, oh yeah, like, remember that, because that actually means a lot to him, you know? And I'm not, and I'm not so exhausted and depleted so I can actually see things move more clarity. So, you know, that's just like a simple example of a breakthrough I've had, you know, I've, I always bring another, one of the elements of retreat is mental and emotional expansion. So every retreat I suggest bringing some kind of book or podcast or something, that's going to stretch you a little bit and the spiritual or mental or emotional realm.

Um, so depending on what I'm curious about, I'll bring, you know, maybe it's a book on parenting. Maybe it's a book on meditation or, um, emotional health or any kind of something that I'm interested in. Then I'll come home with new ideas from that. But I always come home with some kind of creative inspiration to try something new immediately in my life, you know, because I've been able to step away. So I have this perspective that you don't really get when you're just living your life with your head down. You're just kind of going through the motions. You can't see all that nuance that you can see when you pulled away.

You know, I can totally relate to that and I've taken some time off, right. To even just be quiet and do nothing really just to kind of recharge, but feel like I fall back into the pattern of being depleted because when I come back, I kind of fall into the same routines and patterns. Like I haven't changed. What's actually depleting me.

Yeah.

How do you feel, what do you, do you have any advice on that? Or is that something that you feel like has been helpful with the retreats, like coming back and not falling into the same patterns that do deplete you?

Yeah, no, that's, I think that's a great question. And that's a common concern. I mean, every, at the end of every one of my retreats, we have like a transition conversation and  I do like a whole transitions curriculum because I do think it is hard to come home. And it's especially hard when you slip back into your life and you're sharing the same patterns with your partner or your house or your kids, you know,  it's really easy to fall back. And so, you know, I go through like six things that are really critical to pay attention to when you come home from a retreat and to pay attention to within the first two weeks.

Cause those habits that you, you know, another one of the elements of retreat is healthy physical habits. So like regular meditation, regular being outside, like whatever your habits are, like, really shoring those up over your retreat so that when you come home, you've had a week of like really strong habits, you know?

And so you come home and one of the habits that you're going to bring with you back home, because there is some shift. If you want to maintain a shift for longer, there is some work on the front end of like getting back home. I mean, I do think just the pattern of the nature of being a parent and a partner, it can be depleting. And I think the truth about small personal growth work is that the work never stops. You know, the work is there's always, and that's why I kind of put retreating out. There is such an important tool because I think it does allow this reset. And it's not like you can go on a retreat once and then like for the next 15 years, you're going to be totally like dialed or something. So I do think  it's a, it's a tool, it's a practice.

It's something to use regularly. And that's really part of my mission is to put it on the map as like a regular tool to use for self care, you know? Um, but I think that there are common traps that people fall into. I mean, one of the first ones I talk about is your environment. You know, when you come home, it's really important to check in with your spaces. And maybe that might be like, for me, one of my spaces that really builds up clutter in my office. So a lot of times when I go on retreat, I'll have a creative inspiration about like a new retreat I want to host or a new book.

I want to write something like that. If that's what I'm coming home with. And it's really important for me to come home and consider the space within which that will be accomplished and handle that space like within the first two weeks, like I need to sort through my papers on my desk, I need to get rid of some of those old books.

I need to put away that, you know what I mean? So like handling your environment is a really critical part of transitioning back home, um, conversations with your partner too. I mean, I give like a list of questions in my book for your partner to ask you, and for you to ask your partner after you come home from the retreat. Because I do think, you know, you don't want to just fall back right away into some of the patterns that completely deplete you. And if you don't, if you are in a supportive and healthy relationship, nine times out of 10, your partner wants to support you in those habits and is also inspired by it. And they're like, wow. You know, I I'd love to do something like that for myself.

And then it, like I said, it creates this really beautiful exchange in a partnership, which I think is really healthy.

It makes me also think about, you know, what can we be doing even, now, like right now, that can be working on myself and doing little things just in my day to day, that would also help with me not feeling depleted.

Yeah, absolutely. And I go back to like the withholding as one of the most powerful practices. I mean, I think just even allowing a period of time in your day where like nobody gets to be involved, whether that's like first thing in the morning and it's meditation or, or jogging or whatever, whatever it might be for you. I mean, I think those, those, you know, our habits are what make us, right? So, really kind of dialing in our habits. And if we're feeling really depleted and overwhelmed in our life right now at home, what's going on with our habits, like what tiny shifts can we make?

It's never the huge sweeping shifts that we need to make. It's always like these tiny two millimeter shifts. And if we just make us tiny shift, like we wake up 10 minutes earlier to so we can sit and meditate for a minute and be by ourselves for just 10 minutes.

I mean, that can make a huge difference over the course of a lifetime, right? So I think it starts like, I think starting small, I think it's important from home because then it feels manageable and doable and it feels like it's something you can keep up. Whereas, you know, a lot of people want to completely revamp their life. And I think that's wonderful, but I think just starting small, making small commitments to yourself, whether that's meditation or exercise and dialing in those habits, those basic basic needs that, you know, women, we have a really interesting relationship with our needs. I talk a lot about this at my Crestone retreat.

That's a retreat that's specific to the energy, the masculine and feminine energy and how they  interplay with each other. So we talk a lot about that, but men have an incredibly strong relationship with their needs because they need something. They do it, they get it, they go take it. 

Right. Yeah. If they're hungry, they go make a sandwich. If they need to shower, they go take a shower. You know, women, we have a really strong connection with our sense of spirituality or our sense of connectedness to nature, to the divine things like this. But we have a weak relationship with our needs because we have our relationship with needs is connected to everybody else's needs. So like, you know, there are so many days when it's like, I don't even take a shower because I'm just running everybody else around or like, oh, I forgot to eat lunch. You know what I mean? So like, one of the greatest things that a masculine partner can do for a feminine partner is like, make her a sandwich.

You know what I mean? Like being like go upstairs and take a bath, or why don't you go take a long shower? Like to us, these are things that we forego because they're very basic needs, but we forego those things. So I think re starting to pay attention to like, what needs are we continually, um, forgetting about? And if we're in partnership with someone like letting that partner know,  I haven't done the greatest job of like taking showers for myself. So anytime you could encourage that, it's, it means a lot to me.

Yes, yes. No, those that is great. And it's so true because I mean, I even came home early today. Like it was the first day. I didn't have to pick up anyone for some reason, everybody ride home from, they were, you know, or their activities after work, they could come home. So what do I do? I say, oh, I want to take a walk. That's one of the things I enjoy doing being outside and walking. Right. But instead of going by myself I grab, I have three dogs. Right. And I grabbed my dogs and they go for a walk, which was so stressful because of course one was, you know, doing something they shouldn't.

And why didn't I just go by myself and, and have that time alone. Right.

And it's hard, you know? I mean, that's, again, one of the great things about women is that we're always thinking of everybody else and how we can help and how we can lighten the load at home. So, you know, like you walking your dogs makes it easier. So nobody else has to do that later. And it's one less thing later. So I get it, you know, but, but I think you're right. It's like just being like, okay, can I just do this just for myself? Because the truth is when we fill ourselves, we are able to fill everybody else, you know?

Yeah. Now listening to all this, I feel like all I can think about is my teens. Right. I have two kids, they are teens. There's so much angst, you know, day to day. What do you think about retreats or concepts of retreats for like teens?

I think it's amazing. I was a middle and high school teacher for a really long time. And I piloted, I couldn't call it meditate in New York city.  I called this focus time. So, I piloted,  back in the early two thousands, and I find kids to be incredibly receptive to this kind of stuff, because I do think that like, you know, they are victims of our culture that are constantly on social media and constantly plugged in and tuned in.

And,  I think that, they know on an intuitive level, like they can feel on an intuitive level when it's too much, but they don't always know what to do about it. And I think retreating or meditating or silence do that, this is what to do about it.

I mean, I certainly would recommend for a teen to go on a program as opposed to just doing it by themselves right out of the gate, because I think there are certain pitfalls that can happen on retreat. Like there are plenty of people who go on retreat to do a retreat, and then they just end up spending the whole time on the internet, which doesn't end up giving you near the value, you know? And I think that would be a common habit pattern for a teen to that's so used to being plugged in. And so I think like joining a program would be a smart thing for, for teenagers, just so they have the guidance and the parameters of like what this is supposed to be like, you know what I mean?  I think the sooner, the better for, for kids to start this kind of thing, and then not in like a forcing way, because then it becomes this issue.

But I think as they're open to it and that, especially as they see their parents do it, then it becomes like  a normal thing. And it's not so out there. I mean, I know, you know, I have a teenage daughter too, and she will kind of resist all my, she calls me like a, you know, a hippie and she saw my do energy work and all this stuff, but then, you know, she talks about it with her friends. So it's like, I know she, she plays that,but at the same time she's interested and she's in tune with this. And that's all I really care about.

I mean, have you ever done a family retreat or is that kind of not really getting that alone  time?

We've never done that, but I certainly think there could be value there for sure. You know, I think like you could do that within the context of that retreat, have people have their own time too. So I, I certainly think that's a possibility and  I do a retreat for moms and daughters it's actually, but Yeah, but,  I do think like family retreats are absolutely a possible thing. And,  I would say too, like for moms though, I still think it's important to do like a separate one off by yourself because, it's hard to detach yourself from your kids when you're on that kind of experience.

Especially if it's like their first time or they're unfamiliar, you were just consumed as parents with being like, how's it going? And is this working for you?

Yeah, I say go alone. I'm thinking go alone.

Totally, totally. But I do think family retreat thing could be a cool thing too. So yeah.

Now you also do, I'm excited about this  too is home kits.

Yeah. Yeah.  you know, I have a lot of people who are interested in my retreats that are like, gosh, you know, but it's too far for me to travel or I can't take that much time off or it's too expensive or, you know, whatever the reason might be. And so I came up with what I call the self retreat kit, and that is it's meant for a weekend retreat. And there's a, there's a like 40 page manual that you print off. So that kind of take walks you through your weekend with all kinds of personal growth exercises and work and, and things like that.

And then there are also videos or meditation videos, breathwork videos, yoga videos, there's music to pair with your retreat. I mean, it kind of walks you through the entire thing so that you can go on a retreat by yourself and you can do it again.

You could do it in your basement, or you could go to a hotel for a weekend or a cabin or something like that. And, you could print off your manual beforehand and then bring the videos and you can do your retreat that way. And it just makes it it's much more accessible to people, you know, it makes it like you can do it in your own time when it makes sense for your family. And it's obviously much cheaper than joining an organized retreat. So, I've been getting a lot of interest in that and it's, I've been hearing good feedback.

Can you break it up? Like if you only have a day or only a morning and you get something like that, but only do part of it or is that not?

You know,  my kit is specifically designed for a weekend. I mean, I know that there are like actual physical kits out there that like, that are meant for like an afternoon or something that has like bath salts and things to squeeze and things to touch and things like that. And  I think that's, I mean, I know that's a thing, but mine is more geared towards a full weekend, so that, well, like Friday night to Sunday, so that, so that you can have kind of more of a full experience. I mean, I find that it takes at least,, at least a day. I would even say two to really drop into your retrain experience, you know, to, wrangle yourself from some of the patterns and some of the energy that we come and bring it from home.

I mean, most of us are operating from the beta brainwave state, which is really like functional, like cause and effect like kind of buzzy kind of constantly on constantly do. And so it takes us a little bit to unwind and to get to those deeper layers, those like those alpha and theta brainwave states that really bring us back to our sense of creativity and power. So, I think that like, you know, what a minute, like if you just have a day, then a day is better than nothing, but I would say at a minimum, you know, two nights, just to allow yourself like that first night, you're still kind of landing.

And then by the second night it's like, okay. Yeah, you know what I mean? You feel that the shift of energy in your body and that's a really significant shift in my opinion.

I hear that any of that it's even thinking. Yeah, like I said, I took like it was spring break. I just decided not to work at all. And we didn't have anything really planned. We had very little planned. So, you know, the first three days I felt like my mind everywhere, everywhere. And it took me about three days to be able to let go. And then like, you know, I took walks and I read a book and, you know, did stuff with my family, but everything was like, I don't know, just, it was so nice.

I have to say it was just so nice. And at the end of the week, I turned to my husband and I said, oh my God, I've, haven't felt this refreshed in so long. Um, and, and it's interesting. So I hear you it's and I didn't get to do that inner work and all that stuff, but just even not doing and I was listening to a lot of your stuff too, which was, I think, helpful,  you know, grabbing a book, I think you had said something, you know, in that quiet space you can read or, you know,  and I'm like, it os so just nice.

I know it sounds so simple and kind of silly, but I feel like even when I'm like reading or meditating, my mind is constantly thinking about what else, oh, I have to make those lunches or, oh, but what are we having for dinner or, oh, I have to do this for work or, you know, eight minutes on meditating. And I'm in the moment, which is why I'm using air quotes here. Um, You know, my mind isn't and I really felt like that week off, it took me three days to get out of that where my mind was still racing and really drop in.

So yeah. So I, yeah, I'm going to definitely try some sort of retreat.

Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I think it takes, it takes time for our nervous system to calm down, you know, I mean, truly we're we're and I'm sure you know, this from your work too. It's like, we're constantly living in a state of engagement, like we're just on and going and alert, you know, and that's really exhausting over time. It's exhausting. So there's, you know, you feel the nervous system, like who slowing down, calming down when you have more than just one night, it's really significant. 

What would you want to tell parents or moms that are in this day to day hustle and bustle, not noticing that their nervous systems are revved up and feel depleted?

You know, I think the biggest thing is I would just say you're taking retreat for yourself. You're planning, even if it's just a spa day for yourself. I mean, you're taking that space for yourself. This is really a gift that you're giving your children. And we just get so out of habit with that, we think that us being involved in every single thing and always being there to pick them up and always like, of course it's important to be involved, but I think that when we are involved and we're in a frenzied state and that's the energy we're constantly sharing with our kids, you know, and to me, it's like, if you can take a few days or a week, once a year or whatever it is and know that like the people that you're fearful of leaving are actually the very people that you're doing it for.

You know, if you, if you have that mentality, then, then I think everybody benefits. I mean, I think, you know, it's great to be involved, but when we're unhealthy mentally, emotionally energetically, then it's been, how great is it really? You know,.

Ah, I love that. Just that mindset of, you know, it's, it's not even selfish cause we are doing it so that we're better for this, for our family, everybody else around us. That's so important.

Absolutely. And  I think that is the gift we have to give our kids. Right. It's like our energy, our sense of awareness are like, that's, I, I talk a lot in my retreats about what I call emotional legacy. You know, we all talk about like, what's our like genetic legacy or what's our like, physiology that we pass along. But like nobody talks about like, what are the emotions that we pass on? What's the, what's the state of mental wellness that, or we're unwellness that we pass on. Right. So I think like really owning your sense of, um, mental and emotional health and retreating is how we do that.

And to me, that's what I would like to have carried on in my family with my kids is like a strong sense of like mental and emotional wellness. That doesn't mean every single minute. I mean, but just a general sense of like, I can take care of myself. I can get myself out of dark pits. You know what I mean? And, and I think modeling that as important.

Yeah, exactly. Modeling that so that they can learn that too, and just do something different than this rat race that we run sometimes.

Totally. Totally. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Ah, well, I'm even more inspired than I was before I talked to you. I'm going to do some reading. I'm going to do some research and I'm going to do retreating, all the Rś

I love it.

Yeah. And definitely bring it into my life. Cause, I just think it's just gonna make my life even longer. Honestly, I'm gonna live longer, but thank you. Thank you for sharing. First of all, the beautiful work that you do and just reminding us to give to ourselves and, and refuel ourselves so that we can be the best version of ourselves.

Definitely. Yeah. It's my honor. And thanks so much for sharing a conversation with me.

Thank you for listening to this episode. I'm truly inspired by Brie and I'm loving the concept of by taking this space for yourself, we are actually giving a gift to our family. If you would like more information about retreats or other resources that Brie offers, please visit her website www.briedoyle.com. Join us on our Facebook groups so we can continue to discuss this topic or any other parenting topic. And don't forget to follow Real Life Momz so you don't miss an episode.

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Book: You Should Leave Now: Going On Retreat To Find Your Way Back To Yourself, Brie Doyle To purchase your copy: https://amzn.to/3Mmpunm

Website: www.briedoyle.com