Feeling Balanced and Energized: Tips from a Motherhood Coach, Emma Benyon

Welcome back to the Real Life Momz podcast. This is a place where you get to take a break from all your to dos and take time to focus on you. I'm Lisa Foster, your host, and I am passionate about helping moms prioritize themselves. On this podcast, we discuss strategies to promote our mental, physical, and emotional well being.

And today, it's all about supporting you with the tools that can help you feel less overwhelmed. Be more balanced to have more energy and to help guide us through this we have Emma Benyon who is a self care motherhood coach . Hi Emma, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you so much for having me.

So I love that you reached out to me to be on the podcast.

I always love that. So for all the listeners, feel free to reach out to be on the podcast, but I love that you sent me this real definition of your self care, like what does self care mean to you? And I'm going to read it because. It's kind of [00:01:00] the first time I heard this perspective. So you had said that self care is an act of health care.

It's about raising our energy, setting boundaries, and bringing in nourishing habits to bring us joy, calmness, and support. And I love that you put Self care is like an act of health care because I think for many of us and myself included Self care seems optional and health care does not so Can you just kind of tell us a little bit more about that what it means to you?

Why is that so important? Absolutely. So I think, you know, we talk about self care as mums and as busy mums, as busy parents, it does seem optional, doesn't it? Because that to do list is never ending. I mean, we have to be real about that, don't we? It is never ending. And then adding something for ourselves, it's always going to fall to the bottom.

Everything else is always going to take priority. However, [00:02:00] if we were poorly, a lot of those things would You know, if we think about balls that we're juggling all of the time and, you know, some of them might be plastic, some of them might be glass, and the glass ones, probably our children, we don't want to drop.

We maintain that, all the time. But then there are going to be other ones that we drop from time to time. And often, one of those is that care that we give to ourselves. If we were poorly though, probably a lot of those balls are going to drop. Our kids are still going to be looked after.

However, it's going to look different. Um, But often that then becomes a non negotiable, doesn't it? Actually, we are poorly, we have to take that time. It's kind of forced upon us. And so we think about self care, because it comes with all of that stuff of the shoulds, the expectations, the pressure, like we have to wade through all of that before we even get to, you know, caring for ourselves.

Whereas if we were thinking about it in terms of we're poorly and we need to access support or whatever it is we need, medicine, [00:03:00] whatever, actually, We're going to go and do that. So we kind of need to come at it from the same place. People might be sat there thinking, oh, how on earth, like, do I do that?

Like, come on, like, let's be real about this. Like, I'm busy. I've got all these other things going on in my life. And, you know, all of our seasons and chapters of motherhood are so different. Like we're all at where we're at in this present moment. And so we kind of need to consider it in that capacity, rather than thinking about it in terms of, you know, how things used to be before we had children or how things used to be before that part of my life changed.

And also, as that changes and your children grow and get older and there is that more time for you, actually, we need to find a way to make it work for us right now. And I think it's so easy, isn't it, to say that we should be caring for ourselves. And I think we all know that we should be doing that, but ultimately it comes down to, like, the how do we do that?

And it can be quite nuanced, can't it? Like, if it was medicine we need, we'd go to the doctor or we'd go to the [00:04:00] pharmacy. Whereas with self care, like, where on earth do you start? And when you are already busy, Like trying different things is often going to feel unachievable because then if it doesn't do what you expected it to do and it doesn't bring you joy, it doesn't make you feel calmer because maybe it just wasn't the right thing for you at that time, then ultimately it's going to feel like wasted time.

So it's coming at it from, and I often talk about it in terms of it being an experiment. You know, let's problem solve it, as we would do with our children, as if they were struggling with something, we'd work with them, wouldn't we? To be like, well, why don't you try it this way, or try it that way, because that way didn't work, and if it doesn't work, okay, well, maybe we need something else, or maybe it just isn't going to work for us at that time.

So we think about self care from the same perspective of actually, well, let's just try and just see. And if it doesn't work, at least I know that that isn't the thing for me right now and maybe I need to change that up because actually it doesn't work for me where I'm at in my life right now. Or [00:05:00] actually maybe I just didn't enjoy it anyway and that's absolutely fine because we are all so different.

So, yeah, I think to kind of sum up everything that I've just said, it needs to come from a place of You know, it being achievable and it being something that ultimately then becomes a non negotiable, the same as our healthcare. Because it's about, at the end of the day, giving ourselves the space, and I'm not talking about hours, or even half an hour.

I'm talking about a couple of minutes here and there, because that's what's achievable to busy mums. No. An hour to do this. And by all means, if you have that time, amazing. Use it. But if you don't, don't worry. It doesn't need to be a big chunk of time where you're alone. It needs to come from a place of achievable for where we're at.

I love that you said like kind of also just finding the things that work for you and kind of going through them. I think the big thing, at least for [00:06:00] me, Time. Money. You know, those are things that I don't want to waste at all, especially on myself. And then a side dish of guilt, you know, when you're not maybe giving the thing that your child needs, maybe doesn't need.

I'm going to put that in air quotes because I have a lot of things that seem to be coming at me that seem like I have to have them right now. They don't really need it if I take a step back, to be honest. They need it as much as I need something, right? So, you know, how do we overcome, first of all, those feelings of maybe guilt, time, money, issues that are also impeding our thought processes around this, , and really making that space for ourselves?

Absolutely. And I think those three are the biggest barriers, aren't they? Because we think about time, you know, ultimately self care feels like it needs to be this like massive block of time. And it doesn't like two minutes here and there every day. So if we think about, [00:07:00] one thing that most of us will do is we'll do this, the school run in some capacity.

Whether it's breakfast club, whether it is dropping with somebody else, but you know, there will be some element of that school rush, in a morning or to nursery or however it looks. So when we do that, often where it can be quite a, you know, frustrating, maybe irritable phase that we're in, , if it is a rush in the morning.

And then we get to the car, maybe then we're going to work after we drop the kids or we're coming back home or whatever it is that we're doing next. So we're moving kind of into that next chapter of our day. Let's put an audio book on, or a podcast, or our favourite playlist, or just take a couple of minutes before we set off, just to take, or even 30 seconds, just to take some deep breaths.

That doesn't cost us any more time. However, The impact of just doing one of those things is going to be massive, because we've either raised our energy through having a disco in the car, you know, singing and anyone sees me driving to work, that is what's happening, I am singing [00:08:00] in the car, because I know that that's going to make me feel good.

Before I go into work, listen to a podcast, you know, if you want that kind of, you know, maybe conversational informative kind of element, that's maybe what, you know, you feel you need, you could do that. Or, which is something I suggest to a lot of the women that I work with who really enjoyed reading before they became a parent.

Perhaps that isn't right for you right now to sit and read a chapter a night as maybe you did before. How about a page or put that audio book on. Listen to it in that way. You're still getting that. It's different definitely. But you're still getting that kind of nourishment from that. So when we think about time, let's just take a couple of minutes and add it to what we're already doing.

So the school run, getting to the school run, nursery room, whatever, a little bit earlier, like five minutes, let's get out the car and walk around the block again. Doesn't cost us any more time, realistically, that puts some music on, or a podcast or a [00:09:00] TV show, you know. While we are doing the washing while we're doing the cooking, maybe while the kids are in the bath, or maybe if we have to, you know, sit outside the bedroom while they go to sleep at night, let's put our headphones in and let's listen to that podcast, audio book, whatever, at the same time, let's use that time that we're already using to do something else.

And let's change it up. It just needs to be super simple, doesn't it? Because we're already doing those things. Exactly. I think one of the things we can often forget when we're kind of in that busy day to day is those little things that make such a difference like putting some music on. And it might be, me and my daughter do this in the morning now when it's just us and we're getting dressed, we'll put some music on instead.

And that changes. whole kind of feel of that morning routine. It doesn't feel as rushed. We're still rushing. I can't escape that, we're still rushing, it's always going to be that way. However, there's an extra element that's , it's kind of keeping with that energy [00:10:00] of, we're getting ready, we need to get out of the house.

When we think about, Money and that again is another massive barrier, isn't it? Because it often feels like we have to spend money to engage with a self care practice and that ultimately isn't true. Most of us will already have a podcast app on our phone. We'll probably already have a music app of some description.

We might even subscribe to an audiobook already. It doesn't need to cost anything extra, it doesn't have to be spa days, getting our nails done, hair done, all of those things which are so commonly attached to self care. Those things are lovely, don't get me wrong, they are lovely. However, daily, weekly, monthly, for a lot of people, is not achievable.

So, as much of those things are nice, and, you know, if you are someone who enjoys those things, ultimately, you know, and that's part of your self care practice, do that. But it doesn't have to be something that costs us money. It could be simply taking some calming deep breaths in the morning as we make [00:11:00] our morning brew.

It could be listening to music. It could be, you know, watching our favorite TV show as we do something else. Or, putting everything else away, no distractions, and just sitting and focusing on watching whatever it is or engaging with whatever it is that we're doing. You know, it doesn't have to be something that costs you any money.

I think when we think about, you know, those things that surround us getting to self care, you know, often it's all those barriers. And actually when we notice the difference doing those things makes, it can absolutely become a non negotiable. And I think it's really interesting then that the impact that that has on our children as well.

And what they notice about how we show up as parents. And this is a conversation that I had with my, she's six and a half, my daughter. And we were talking about like, what does mummy do for self care? And she real off this list of things that mummy does. And one of them was go to the gym. And I'm very fortunate that I have the time and the money to be able to go and do [00:12:00] that.

And we were talking about, you know, mummy going to the gym. And I said, is mummy a better mummy when she goes to the gym? And she was like, yes. Like there's absolutely like, yes, mummy, you have to go to the gym. And I think it's really interesting, the impact. And it's that ripple effect, isn't it? That when we are resourced and we show up as our best selves, not just for them, also for ourselves as well.

Because then when we are, when we are snappy, when we are irritable, You know, then we feel guilty about that too, because we have shown up in that way for our children. So I think it's really interesting when I actually reflect that back and look at like what they're seeing, you know, they're seeing, you know, a parent who takes care of themselves, that makes themselves a priority around them.

It doesn't mean that they're any less of a priority, because self care could be something that you do with your child, your partner, your friends as well. It could be something that you do while your children are present and either they engage with it or they're doing something else at the same time. So it's noticing that ripple effect [00:13:00] of how you are resourcing yourselves, what they're seeing.

But ultimately, if we think about it from, their perspective, we want them to be taking care of themselves. We want them to set those healthy boundaries, to build those healthy habits, to understand that, rest is important, that they don't need to work all of the time. And we need to model that behavior to where we can.

And the guilt thing is massive, isn't it? I mean, in all areas of my life, and I think the one thing, you know, that I have to really say about guilt, , however it shows up, whatever it is that we're doing that makes us feel guilty is that the other person that you feel that guilt for, whether it's your child, your partner, friend, whoever, they're probably not going to have any idea.

Our children have no idea that we feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. And we can't escape that feeling, but we can learn to kind of live with it and kind of be like, okay, I get, I get, I'm going to feel like that, you know, I'm going to feel guilty for taking those five, 10 minutes, [00:14:00] or, you know, if I've got that time to get my head and my nails done or whatever it is, I'm going to feel guilty for that.

Actually, let's just park that because I don't need to feel that way. It doesn't serve me. And. , if I'm feeling guilty about taking that time away from my children, they're probably having the best time and probably not even noticed. Or, You can then use a time when you're back with them to really be present and have that quality time with them.

Um, you know, I do go and get my hair and nails done. But ultimately, most of the time my daughter comes with me and actually we spend that time together. And she chooses my nail colours and she absolutely loves that. And that's the compromise of being able to go. And yeah, of course I feel guilty for taking her with me.

I don't think we can ever escape that as a parent. However. There's that compromise. And there's also those kind of boundaries in that as well. Like this is important for mummy or daddy or whoever to do that. So we, we make this work in this way. And also I think just noticing that actually, yeah, okay. I am going to feel that way, but actually it [00:15:00] doesn't serve me.

I don't need to let it sit with me. I can just park it. It's, I know it's there. I recognize that it's there, but ultimately those things that I need to do, whatever they are, are important because of the need to do those things. What I love that I'm hearing from kind of all your explanations, give us such a much nice information there, is that there's like a thread of that.

It's not like one or the other. It's like together. And that's actually interesting because You know, I always do think of self care or even just in the past conversations. It's a lot of like, okay, take time for yourself, make 10 minutes for yourself, make 20 go for a walk by yourself. But what you're saying is, you could actually be doing self care while doing parenting, housework, whatever.

And I definitely do this and I consider it like it's actually makes things more fun to because whenever I have to like, well, I always have to write like, whenever I have to do the dishes [00:16:00] or clean the house, you know, the fun stuff. I always pop in. An audio book or music or something and I actually look forward to the time because usually when do I sit an hour?

Listening to a book right unless i'm doing something else Driving walking whatever and I have like completed so many books because of that, but I love learning and sometimes I find myself cleaning like oh i'll just vacuum upstairs too because I want to hear this next chapter, you know, and it does, it, it brings back a little bit of that fun.

So it's not only self care, but like, I think sometimes I personally lose a little bit of the fun, but I'm realizing by doing something for myself that I also enjoy. And like you said, doing it, whilst you're doing the things you need to be there for, it also becomes more fun again. Absolutely. And that fun is so important, isn't it?

Because if it's something that gives us that joy. That's going to help fill our energy fuel tank as well. And if we [00:17:00] think about, you know, we fill our car up with petrol, diesel, electric, whatever, you know, we do the same with our phones, we charge them. And actually we need to be doing the same with ourselves.

And so it's so easy, isn't it? To then incorporate music, podcast, audio book, whatever, to those things that we're already doing. It doesn't need to be this added extra. Yeah. that adds so much pressure, adds so much expectation, you know, it can be, you know, putting on the music, putting on that podcast audio, but whatever we are doing those things.

And then we, we feel so much better. Our energy levels are raised. We filled our energy fuel tank and we are so resourced then to navigate our day, our week with all those challenges and hurdles, et cetera, et cetera, that, you know, are coming at us daily. We're so much more resourced to deal with all of those and navigate them in a way that is much more like how we want to show up, [00:18:00] you know, not coming at it from an exhausted, depleted, irritable, shouty space, actually coming at it from a much more calmer, grounded, able to approach life with much more ease.

My question to you is because I do think people have a hard time finding the right thing. Like we're, we hear things like maybe some people don't like podcasts or hopefully you're listening to this podcast. You like podcasts, but, but if you don't, or, you know, they don't like certain things or it feels like, you know, society has like expectations on self care.

So we try to push those in, but I think we really start to find those things that fuel us that. We are getting the most bang for our buck, if you will, during this self care time. So I think for everybody, self care is different. And there are some things that are going to work for most people.

And I say that because I'm thinking about breathing and taking those deep breaths, because that's going to help. The majority of us calm our [00:19:00] nervous system, even if it's just for a short while. It's not going to fix everything. What it is going to do is help us to feel grounded in the moment. So if someone is struggling to find the things that they enjoy, that bring them joy, that, you know, feel like fun, I would always say to start with breathing.

Just taking five deep breaths. Close your eyes if you can. You know, deep breaths in through your nose and either out through your nose or your mouth. It doesn't need to be anything other than that. You can then build on that, of course you can. But if we're, if we're starting with those really simple habits, we just need to start with something really, really simple.

So, five deep breaths every morning, maybe every night before you go to bed as well. would be a massive, thing to start to build upon. I think also with that, it's looking, as I said earlier, about what you enjoyed before you were in this space. So, some people that might be going to the gym, it might be reading, it might be getting out for a walk, it might be journaling, , it could be absolutely [00:20:00] anything.

And then what I would say is look at those things. Do they fit into how your life is now? Or do you maybe need to change up a little bit so it works with where you are now? So for example, there was a woman I was speaking to a couple months ago and she, she used to love going to the gym and that isn't achievable where she's at right now.

So when she puts the kids in the bath, she does a few exercises in the bathroom and that kind of gives her what she needs right now and works for where she's at in her life. I've got another client who loves colouring and That's what she does. She just has a coloring book, pens, she has it on, you know, where she can see it, because I think that's also often another barriers that often, because we are so busy, we then forget to pick up those things.

So if it's a book, if it's the headphones, if it's the coloring book and pencils, actually having them there where they are visible. is also really helpful. Journaling is another big one, however, can also have its own like, not really sure about it, not really know how to do [00:21:00] it, does it have to be this, does it have to be that, and ultimately I would say it doesn't have to be.

anything other than what you need. So even if it is just starting with making notes on your phone, it doesn't even have to be in a notebook with a pen. I know that some people, they send voice notes instead of writing anything down, they will send, you know, their voice note of what they're grateful for or their intention for the day to themselves.

And that's, that's how they approach journaling. So if journalism is something That you want to explore, I would say, start with a couple of really simple prompts, like what's my intention for today or what do I want to bring into today, thinking about how you might want to approach your day. What am I grateful for today?

What went well, what went well yesterday that was really kind of, you know, maybe brought me happiness or enjoyment or brought me joy. And also what lessons did I learn from yesterday that I can bring into today. Again, keeping it super, super simple. And that's the key. That's the one thing that I would say if someone is [00:22:00] wanting to start to bring in practices or start again to bring in practices is just to start super, super simple.

So if, if perhaps you enjoyed running, just get out for a run around the block, it doesn't need to be, let's do 5k now, you know, and maybe you take the kids with you as well. And that's, that works, I think there is so many different things that people can do for self care. And ultimately, you know, as I said, starting with what you enjoyed before, looking at how does that fit into your life right now.

And if it doesn't, then how can you change it up to kind of add that in at a space that comes like with that ease, like that's, you know, Let's just make it easy for ourselves as much as we possibly can. Yeah, I love the word ease and simple because you're right. Sometimes we think it's like an all or none, right?

If I don't run the 5k, then the [00:23:00] block isn't enough. But maybe the block is just where you get started. And sometimes we just need that foot out the door to get started. Right. And then you can run the 5k. I also love the point of having it out in the open so you can see it, because I'll tell you. I bought a set of paints.

I'm not a painter, but like one of those, like you follow the video and you can paint. I'm like a master at that. Like, it's amazing what you can do, like elephants and things. Right. Well, I have a box that I haven't even opened. It's not even open. It's in my closet at the, I bought it a year ago. I don't even know if the paint's here.

I'm going to pull it out for mother's day, I think, , but it's not in my. Presence enough to like be like, Oh, I have a little bit of time and space. It'd be nice to do one of these paintings. I don't even think about it. And then I occasionally hit the box with my clothes and I go, Oh, there it is.

Right. That's so important to have it in front of you and accessible so that [00:24:00] When you're ready and have that moment, it's just like right there and it's not an extra step. So I love that. Now I know you really coach moms on these simple hacks and ways of self care. What are some of your favorite ways that you tell either yourself or teach others to nourish themselves?

As I keep saying, starting simple, so whatever it is, however we are going to nourish ourselves, you know, is just to start simple. I think also it's really useful to have that accountability there as well. So whether that is for a coach or a friend, a partner, you know, adding it to somewhere where you can see is also really useful because It can help us feel like we've actually achieved something.

So even if it was just those two minutes, those five minutes, ten minutes, however long, the run round the block, the 5k, whatever it is, you know, that actually we can tick it off and then we feel like we've achieved something. Especially for those of us who are really career driven [00:25:00] and are really motivated by a goal, actually having that can be really, really useful.

I think the other thing is just to be kind and compassionate to ourselves because When we're trying new things, when we're exploring ways to support ourselves through self care, , or when we're building any healthy habit, it can be really easy just to drop the ball and then think we've done it, that's it, well now how do we pick it back up again?

Well we can, and it doesn't matter that you've missed a day, two days, a week, a month. You know, you can always start again. And so instead of coming from a space of really beating ourselves up about it, just, you know, okay, well, I did forget or it didn't work because actually something else in my life is a priority now.

And I am going to come back to it when I have those five, 10 minutes, just maybe not today or just not this week. And so just being really kind and compassionate to ourselves through that process, because The more we're able to do that of actually, okay, well, I forgot it today. Like [00:26:00] it, it doesn't matter.

Like I can try again tomorrow. The more likely we are then to try again and not add in that extra pressure, which ultimately we don't need. I think another really way to kind of flip it around is to see it from a kid's perspective. So if we were having those conversations with our children, actually we're talking about them nourishing and supporting themselves.

Actually, what would we be saying to them? Because you probably would be a lot kinder and compassionate than we would to ourselves. So if we're really struggling with that, think, think about as if you are talking to your child or your partner or your friend or whoever, because actually, we do deserve that kindness and compassion for ourselves.

And that can be a massive self care practice to bring in on its own, you know, having that, kindness, that compassion, that love for ourselves. And so coming at it all from a space of that, if I mess up, if it doesn't work, it really doesn't matter, , I can try again or, you know, try again in a week or let's [00:27:00] just try this instead.

And so coming at it from that space, I think a lot of the stuff that, when I work with clients, when I work with busy moms is just having that really, you And let's look at where we can add it in. Now, and trying to remain in the present with it because I think it can be so easy to be like, well, in a month or in a week, you know, in a year or whatever, it's going to be different.

So why would I start doing that simple practice now? Well, actually, because you deserve it. to have that time for yourself, whether it's two minutes, 10 minutes, whatever. But yes, your life is going to change, but your life is always going to be changing because we're always going through different seasons.

So if we're always waiting for the next thing to add that thing in, we're always going to be waiting. And it's important that we resource ourselves now. whatever that is, however long that is for. So yeah, those would be my really like simple top tips to kind of get started. Yeah. And I love that last one [00:28:00] of just being in the present with it.

You can change it, right. So you go along with what's next, but yes, I hate the sentence that I don't do this, but I hear this all the time in my family too, not pointing fingers, but it's like, If, you know, when this happens, then I'll do. I hate that because there is no then, and there is no when. It's like the when is now.

Yes. What can you do now? And I like the part of really feeling more kindness to yourself, because. I think we think when something doesn't work out, it feels a little bit like we failed and that nobody wants to feel like they failed, you know, whether that's a mom business, whatever. Right. So, but I think of also changing that perspective a little bit on it and say, I tried something.

Maybe I didn't like it or what have I learned from this because it didn't work or I dropped it. Maybe I need to do it at a different time. Maybe I need to intertwine [00:29:00] it with something more fun. Maybe that's not the thing for me and you know what, that's totally fine. So I like that perspective of just being kind and knowing that we are all a work in progress, right?

And the things that don't work out are just more information of how we can work on ourselves. Absolutely. And it's all a lesson, isn't it? You know, we are all learning and if it doesn't work, fine, it doesn't work. But ultimately, if we don't try it, we're not going to know. And that could be the best thing.

It could be the best thing for us right now. It might not be the right thing in a month, a year. But it might be the best thing that actually we need right now. Yes, so what is one thing you want the listeners to walk away doing and starting today? I would absolutely love them to be taking a couple of minutes for themselves in whatever that looks like.

And if you're listening and you're really, really struggling to think of something, then just start by taking five deep breaths. So easy. So simple, right? Keep it simple. That, that really [00:30:00] is what moves the needle forward. I think. Absolutely. So where can the listeners find you and what are some things that you offer?

So they can find me over on Instagram and Facebook at emmabenyon.Coach or over on the website, which is emmabenyoncoaching. co. uk or I'm over on the self care and motherhood edit podcast as well. And I offer a range of workshops. On demand courses, you know, busy moms, so we can access them as and when we need to, um, and also one to one coaching either through the very traditional method of video coaching or through voice notes and messages.

So again, you know, really bringing in that simplicity, that ease for busy moms. I love that. And I will have that in the show notes as well so that people can just grab those links really easily. And thank you so much for coming on the show. You have such a calmness to you. And I love the way you just take things and [00:31:00] make them so simple that like, yeah, I can do that.

Why not? Right? That's the feeling I get from talking to you. Thank you.

Thank you for joining us for this episode, make sure you visit the show notes and grab all those resources that Emma offers, and remember that self care is not optional. It is part of our overall health and well being so keep it simple. Just add five to 10 minutes each day of doing something just for yourself, because remember you matter.