Embracing Your Second Act: 3 Simple Steps to a Smooth Transition with Emily Rogers

And today I'm here with Emily Rogers. She is a transition and leadership coach with a passion for empowering individuals and organizations to reach their full potential.

So thank you, Emily, for coming on the show today. Thank you, Lisa. It's really cool to be here with you and your audience. Yes. And I'm just going to soak up your accent and the sunshine behind you while we talk today. Fantastic. Thank you. So Emily, I really love what you do because you work a lot with career transitions, life transitions, and I feel like transitions are extremely hard for people.

People don't always just love change. I mean, it's going from into fall here And that alone can set people off, right? Just the seasonal change, let alone. A huge life or career change. I guess the [00:01:00] first thing Lisa is to demystify what a transition is because people get caught up in it and it becomes too much in their head.

So let's just get the facts right. We all go through transitions all the time. And whether your kids are returning to starting school full time or whether you are looking to return to work or whether you're now an empty nester or, you know, your kids are teens and they don't need you, whatever it is, it's all a transition.

I've had physical transitions. I've moved many, many countries, and had to reset, recreate, reinvent myself each time, but any change in life, whether it's your first baby, whether, as I said, they're going to school, whatever it is. It's a transition. And so acknowledge that there's a change happening in your life and something has to shift.

Well, I love that. So the first step is to acknowledge. Yeah. And I think you're right because I think about like life. I feel like there's transitions almost daily. I know for myself, my daughter's applying to colleges and that's a huge [00:02:00] transition. I mean, every single thing she does, it's like, Oh, her last competition in dance.

We're like, Oh, this one's so sad. Or, you know, Oh, we have to fill out this. Oh, this is like, it just seems like so many things while that's transitioning. So is like my own career. Like I went from part time in my own career to full time. So it's like. Not even just one transition. You know, multiple transitions, right, that we have to handle.

And did I mention it turned to fall. So that's a transition. You're not liking the weather. I love fall. It's actually my favorite season. And I think that's the hard thing that, you know, often as moms. We do beat ourselves up because we feel like we're doing something wrong whenever we feel that little bit off.

And when we feel a bit off, it's because something in our lives is shifting. So it's just about taking that step back and saying, okay, something's shifting. What is it? What do I need to do maybe internally or physically, [00:03:00] or in my world around me, what realign? And if we just. Cause and acknowledge and stop beating ourselves up.

Then we can start our path to move forward. And I think, you know, anyone listening now, I guarantee there is something happening in your life as Lisa just gave so many examples where you are in a transition. So acknowledge 

it and understand it. And then you can move forward. So I would love to know though, what really inspired you to like, want to help others in this process?

I think like any, person who starts their own business is because I've had my own experience. I think, you know, we often have an experience, we learn from it and then go, actually, I can help other people. And. So my husband's in hotels. He's a New Zealander. I'm Australian. Um, and we got married and then got moved into Asia.

Literally got told two weeks after our wedding, you're moving to Hong Kong. So we've [00:04:00] spent 12 years moving every two years around Asia. And initially I had a career in human resources. I could work no problem at all. Each move made it more and more difficult. Language barriers, legal barriers, you name it.

Plus I had two daughters, Both born in India. And so, you know, there were barriers along the way. And when you're in that environment, if anyone's tuning in who's, who's lived abroad, you know, you can invest your time and you can do lots of amazing things for the community you're living in, volunteering for the networking organizations or getting involved in the school or working with NGOs.

There's so many wonderful things you can do that you might not always have the opportunity to do. But after 10 years of doing that, it became very unfulfilling for me. And so I had to do something different and starting my business was the outcome of that pause to understand the transition I was now in where I can't just keep volunteering my time.

I have to do something different. And so we [00:05:00] just moved to Taiwan and I said, okay, I've got to do something different. What does it look like for me? And. I made the decision then to start my own business. I didn't know what my business was going to be. I just made a decision. I had to start my own business because I couldn't get a job.

I had to do something then. So my own experience, then the process I went through is now what I work with. Mostly women. I work with men as well, to then help them move forward. And for everyone, the outcome's different. You know, it could be that you want to learn a new skill. It could be, you want to do further study.

It could be, you want to now return to part time work or like you now, Lisa, move into full time work. You know, the outcomes for each person I work with is completely different based on what season they're in in life. Oh, that's so great. And I keep, I'm thinking of this cause my husband, you know, keeps talking about like how he wants to move to like Canada, you know, just get out and I'm like, Oh my God, how am I going to do that?

Like, that's my gut reaction. Oh my God, that's such a big [00:06:00] change. How would I even start my own business there? How does that work? But like. Someone like you would be such an amazing mentor for that process. Yeah, and you know, I've, I've done it and I've experienced it and I have to say, anyone thinking about moving countries, best thing you can do is such a life changing experience.

And you, you make friends in a different way. You don't have to worry about leaving your friends behind because everything is different and like when you're living abroad, you connect differently with people and the opportunities are just amazing that present to you. So it's a great opportunity. It did mean I had to give up my career.

That was the, the downside. There's a downside to everything. Everything's got two sides, but the outcome is. Five years later, I have, my business is still growing. So, you know, there's, there's ups and downs to everything. And that's life.

Life is a journey. We'll always have those ups and downs. Very inspiring. I love it. I know you're also passionate about reconnecting with your aspirations and that leading to the second act. [00:07:00] Can you like talk more about actually what that even means? Yeah. And yeah. Tell us about that. Yeah. We all go through transitions.

I guess that's the key thing to know. And that when you do that, if you feel a complete, um, disalignment, I can't think of another word, then probably your second act is calling you. And it happens for most of us women, when our kids become that little bit more independent and we're ready for something more in our lives.

And we've given all of our time and energy to them. We've, you know, we've got them to this stage and we sit there and go, no, there must be something more than this. Like we, we literally then go. And what do I do now? And so that means your second act is calling. I actually didn't realize it was a thing until I started researching the space, but we all go through these acts in life and this is the next one.

And so if you're that transition's happening for you and you're feeling like [00:08:00] something's off, then maybe you're ready. And how does that show up for me? It, we all take it out on ourselves or the ones we love. And for me, it was a phase of my life where I was yelling at my little girls too much. And I was not being very nice as a mom to them.

And literally one evening my eldest built the milk and I was a raving lunatic, like off the handle yelling. And it was the look on her face. I was like, do you know what? This isn't okay anymore. And so we all just literally sat down on the floor right there. This was early stages in Taiwan. I can't think how many years ago now, but we just sat down on the floor, put my arms around and said, look, girls, I'm sorry, I'm not being the person I want to be. 

I'm not showing up the way I want to show up. There's something I need to change. I don't know what it is yet, but I'll figure it out. And that was the start of my path to starting my business. It was just that moment of. I'm not showing up for those I [00:09:00] love the way I want to. And so if you're out of alignment, you're probably yelling at your kids.

You're probably overindulging on chocolate or something else that you know, you don't really want or need, or maybe you're being a bit sarcastic and short with your partner. And you know, that's not how you want to speak to them, but you just kind of happens. And it's coming internally. That's a sign that something's out of alignment and maybe you need to find out what that second act is for you.

And so, you know, I'm probably oversharing a little bit, but for me, it was that moment of yelling and that look on my daughter's face. And I'm fortunate they were little probably, if it was, if they were teenagers at the time, maybe they wouldn't have been as forgiving. But our relationship since that moment to now is substantially different because I'm now doing something that's fulfilling for me.

Yes. I could totally feel that. I think for me, it was probably more of a, I don't want to say depression, but like, [00:10:00] yeah, almost like lack of motivation, just feeling like I was just blindly walking through days, if that makes sense. And I agree when I felt like I was learning stuff new and doing things that really fulfilled me.

There was an excitement and I honestly had such a better relationship with my children, you know, like it just really changed. So I agree. Yeah. That's huge. And so if anyone's listening, no, it's normal. Yeah. Don't, don't, don't keep beating yourself up. It's normal. We all go through it for whatever reason.

And so you. Just stop beating yourself up right now and be kind to yourself and now start exploring what that looks like. And, you know, there's simple steps and we'll share them in a minute, but there's simple steps you can take that will help you connect with what that is. And as I said, everyone's outcomes different.

So find out what that outcome is going to be. Start moving towards it and everything shifts with it and you, you step into your second act. Yeah. I love that [00:11:00] calling it a second act. I was calling it midlife crisis. I'll be. You can go with you want to. It's a bit more positive. Yeah. I like the second act much better.

So tell us about these next steps. I'd love to hear what are those next steps? The first one is to find clarity and to just. If you meditate, meditate, journal, doodle. For me, I hold the question in my mind and I take our dog out for a walk and I reflect and think, what does it look like? What am I, what do I need to be doing?

What do I want to be doing? You know, what does my ideal life look like? What am I, who am I loving? Who am I living with? What does it, how am I spending my time? You know, and when you start to explore that and start to get a clarity, you know, what direction you're going next? Cause it is a journey. We're all going to take different paths, but if you can ask yourself, what does that ideal look like?

What is it I really want? Then you can [00:12:00] start to step into that and start to understand it. It might not come to you straight away. That's okay. Be with it for a while. As long as you're acknowledging you're in transition and you're being kind to yourself at this phase and understanding that things are shifting.

I just need to work out which way it's going to go. Then, then you can, you can just be with it. It might take you a day. It might take you a week. It might take you a little bit longer. That's okay. Just take time to ask yourself the one mistake we all make. It's to try and answer it for the rest of our lives.

Don't try and answer it for the rest of your life for the next period of time. That makes sense. The kids have got five years of school to go for the next five years. You know, if we're doing this for the next two years, for the next two years, whatever the timeframe makes sense for you, we put too much pressure on ourselves to say, who am I going to be when I grow up?

No, for this next period of time. So ask yourself that, get clarity. [00:13:00] I love that short time period. I think that's so great because it feels like such a big commitment. It's like, Oh, forever. Right. I mean, even I'm even at the point when I go grocery shopping, I can't even go for the whole week anymore.

I'm like three days. I can only do three days. Like that's short, but there's something relieving to know that I can go back or I can change, right? Like it's not this concrete thing that has to stay. I love that. Yeah. And I guess, you know, we, we spend a lot of time saying, well, what's my purpose in life?

You know, who am I going to be trying to discover ourselves or rediscover ourselves as women? We put too much pressure on it, way too much pressure on it. It's just for the next period of time. That makes sense. And for some people that, you know, if you're moving it's for the period you're away or the kids are in school or, you know, when the kids leave school, it will change again or whatever just answer it for that period of time, because once you have that clarity, you don't have to have all the details knitted out.

You don't have to know exactly what it looks like in terms of, you know, I'm going to be [00:14:00] in this job doing this, or I'm going to start this business or whatever. You just have a sense of, I want to be in this space learning these skills, or I want to be Uh, working from home, or I want to be whatever it is that is right for you. 

Just the broad picture, the clarity around the broad picture of what that ideal looks like, because 

 I know I had done that a while ago. I wrote down three things. I don't even remember, but then I asked my family because they were right there. And they gave me like three, each one gave me three totally different things. And I was like, Oh, wow. I am like, that was so cool. But I'm also going to say, You really need [00:20:00] to be brave to do that too.

Like that's another like getting outta your comfort zone to actually ask somebody to give you feedback. 'cause it's very vulnerable to do that. And you're not asking 'em to tell you where you need development either. You are only asking for your strength. , you don't need that. . Yes. So be very clear. I just want my two or three key strengths.

Nothing else. . It's hard. Look, Lisa, none of this stuff is easy. If it was easy, women wouldn't be feeling disempowered. Women wouldn't be feeling stuck. They wouldn't be feeling crappy about themselves if this stuff was easy. And listening to you, it's like that first step out of that box out of that Amy comfort zone, right, is, is to actually write stuff down, is to actually ask, right?

I mean, that is maybe even the first step for some people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, just, just acknowledge that I need to, I need to shift something. Just [00:21:00] acknowledge that for yourself. Automatically, you'll feel empowered because you're telling Amy, I need to shift. You don't have to change everything. Don't overhaul your life.

Nobody can do that. But you can shift it. And if you're ready, it's about returning to part time work. If you're ready, it's about starting your own business. If you're ready, it's about learning a new skill. For some people, it's about them getting more involved in their local community. And giving back more because the kids are more independent, they've got more time.

Everybody's outcomes different, but if you just acknowledge the shift that needs to happen, then you can open the doors for more. And when you, when you do this work, when you get clear on your strengths, it affects everything. You are more open to opportunities. You can see them more clearly.

You're saving time and energy because you're playing to your strengths. You're already, focusing on the right things. So you're not going down the wrong paths and then beating yourself up anymore because you are clear [00:22:00] about your strengths and then you're able to start showing up and serving others as well.

And with that, I feel like. Nothing is that scary anymore because when you really know who you want to be and how you want to show up, those doors that open no longer are fearful because they align perfectly with you. So if you've got done that piece of reflection and you know what that ideal looks like, passions, we'll give it a name.

If you know what those passions are, what that looks like, and you do this piece of your strengths, you are literally putting the puzzle pieces together of you and answering that question for the next. You're not throwing everything out and saying, I'm going to be a new person. That's all you're doing.

You're not overhauling your life. You're not throwing everything out and saying, I'm going to be a new person. You're just shifting and getting clarity and moving towards. There's always forks in the road, you're just choosing which fork to take, which path to take. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Now I know you do a [00:23:00] lot with things like planning and goal setting and accountability.

Can you speak to some of that that you help with? Yeah. And the third step is to take action, which is that planning and accountability. And so for most of my clients, that first step is actually getting out the diary and writing down. When you're going to go for that walk and meditate, when are you going to take 10 minutes to reflect on what that ideal is?

When are you going to find 20 minutes to do that strengths piece, put it in your diary, because if you don't put it in your diary, if you don't make yourself a priority, then nothing's going to change. And so you've got to take action. And 

the first step. All of my clients. I can't think of anyone who's out of outside of this box.

Actually, if the first step for everyone is to get the diary out and plan for it, because if you don't plan, it won't happen. If you don't write it down, it won't happen. You've got to make you your number one project. We're very good at doing things for our family. [00:24:00] Now it's time to do it for us and find that time to make it happen for us.

And you're not overindulging. You've got nothing to feel guilty about. It's important so that you can show up for your family in the way you want to, that you do this. Perfect. Yes. Put yourself in your planner. Got it. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yep. So that's the three steps. If you, if you feel like you need to make a shift in your life, the first step is to get clarity on what it is that ideal is, what are the passions, where does it go?

Find your strengths and take action, put it in your diary, start working out what the little steps are. And the first one will be, where do I find time to think about this? Oh, perfect. That three easy, three easy steps. Really? Now that's simple. As we said, three simple steps for sure. Not easy. As we talked about, it's a really hard, I do want to put a plug for that accountability piece too, because.[00:25:00] 

Yeah, I have realized with my own transitions and especially things that are outside my comfort zone having somebody else and it doesn't even, it could be anyone, it could be a coach, a family member or whoever showing up and, and just meeting so that you could say, yeah, I did do that goal or, or I didn't.

Right. But like, there's something about like someone physically meeting you, whether it's like weekly, monthly, daily, whatever. To keep you accountable. That has been huge on my, my own path. It's a game changer. Yeah. Yeah. It's a game changer. And I never knew that I ended up having an accountability partner.

That's what we call it here. Um, just through actually podcasting, I had taken an online boot camp and she happened to be in the course. It was all online. We have never actually met in person. Two years later, we still meet once a month and we have totally different goals now. It's not even about podcasting.

It's about [00:26:00] business. It's about her dissertation. It's about whatever. But the thing is we end with a goal and the, um, I know I have to confront her in a month and say what I've done. And it is a game changer. And I wish I knew that so much earlier. Like I almost feel like my team should know this. Yeah.

Anyone listening to this, you can do this on your Absolutely. You can It will generally take longer than if you find someone to be your support person, your accountability person, your coach, whether it's a formal coach like me, or whether it is a buddy that you come across, who's, you know, wanting to keep, maybe they're trying to do something as well.

And you say, Hey, let's, let's do this same as you. I did a course in 2020 and we got put into pods. I still meet with my accountability party every week from that course, because the support is so valuable. I've also worked with a coach, you know, in terms of my business as well. But having that support, having that cheerleader, having that I'm [00:27:00] accountable, I have to report in.

I have to account for what I've done is what will shift you faster. You can do it on your own, but it will happen faster, probably more, cohesively. If you work with someone else for accountability, for support, for coaching, it just, it just fast tracks everything. Yeah. Yeah. It's been, like I said, a game changer for me.

I totally agree. And, and it was something I, I mean, I'm 50. I didn't know, I've never even heard, do you know, like, I don't need, why didn't I hear about this? Yeah. Like, so that's why I want to, you know, put it out there to the listeners, because I don't think it's just in the, the norm of knowing that that could be something.

And you know, I think a lot of that Lisa is because as mums, we don't talk about our internal struggles. Yeah, we only want to show what's on Instagram, the holidays, da da da da, you know. I guarantee you, when you look across at the school gate, none of those women have got it together. [00:28:00] None of them. They all feel as messed up as you do.

So, if we start talking about it, if we start sharing, if we start supporting each other... Then we can open these doors and have accountability and go on, you know, on these directions and, and actually have really fulfilling lives without beating ourselves up, without feeling like crap, without, you know, showing up badly, poorly for our family, you know, like we, we can all shift it if we, if we share it in, if we support each other and don't assume everyone else has got it together.

Yeah, and I'm going to echo the support each other because I think a lot of times we're looking at each other or comparing each other and the supporting each other view like even just shift that part of your mindset. It changes everything. It's when someone supports you, you feel, oh my God, so supportive.

It feels like just a hug. It's, it's just so much [00:29:00] love. And then when you do it just because to somebody else, it's also this amazing feeling too. Like, I think that's another thing to point out. Um, and, and makes it easier to get out of your comfort zone because you know, that you're not only going to support others, but they are supporting you.

Yeah. Yeah. And if, if you can listen to this and go and support one person today, then just do it. And it can be as simple as, Hey, how are you going? Is there anything I can do to help? Or do you need anything today? Simple questions that you could ask. Anyone. Yeah. Uh, I love that so much. So tell me a little bit more about where people can find you and what you offer.

Cause you do offer a lot of stuff. I do. So if you want to get that free strengths assessment, you can go and download it at the leaptolead.com/guide. I'm on socials, the leap to lead, [00:30:00] um, or just go to my website and book a call and let's have a chat. Um, I'm the leap to lead. com and it's a completely free, no obligation, just, um, I, I want to support you.

I want to empower you. And. I love connecting with people and doing that in any way I can. And I'll have that in the show notes too. And I also love that you have your own podcast. So like little snippets and they're great. Cause they're just like short, they're like 10 minutes of just.

Wealth of information, inspiration. So those are wonderful too. I'm a shorty podcaster. Short, sweet, and to the point. What else would you want the listeners to hear today? I want anyone listening today to just take away. 

We all go through transition. Everybody does. It's almost every day, but significant ones regularly. And so just tune into it, understand it, pause, and look at where that shift might be. And there's three simple steps, clarity, [00:31:00] strength, and take action.

So stick to the three simple steps and then grab a friend, grab a accountability partner and start supporting each other.

 And it will change how you show up for yourself and for your family. It will make you a different person. . Well, thank you so much for sharing these steps and for that free download, we will make sure people can get that in the show notes as well, so that they can easily do that and start making these lists today.

Thank you. Thank you, Lisa. Just take one step today. That's all I want people to do. One step today. 

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