Welcome to the Real Life Momz podcast. It is time to take a break from all our to do's and carve out some time to focus on ourselves. I'm Lisa Foster, your host, and today I'm joined by fellow mom and good friend of mine, Billy, and she is a positive parenting coach and the host of Unlock Your Child's full potential podcast.
And she's here today to help us talk about being uncomfortable and getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. So hi, Billy. Welcome to the show. Hi, Alyssa. I'm excited to [00:01:00] be here. And I just want to thank you so much for stepping out of your comfort zone and jumping into this interview with just a 10 minute notice, especially since I messed up today.
So. It's all about this like showing up when it's not really perfect. Thank you for that. I mean, it couldn't have been more perfect. So for the listeners, Billy came a day early to record the podcast. She's all the way in Bulgaria, instead of saying, let's do it tomorrow when it's scheduled.
We are talking about being uncomfortable in stepping out of our comfort zone, right? So that is exactly what we're doing, even to the start of the podcast. So thank you for setting the stage, Billie. But first of all, I I appreciate you because Billy and I have been on this podcasting journey for quite a while together and there's really nothing more uncomfortable than starting a podcast and really having to put yourself out and I thought [00:02:00] no one's better to have this conversation with than you Billy because Not only did you start a podcast, but you started a podcast not even in your first language.
You decided to start it in English. So, what even made you decide to do that?
Wow, I don't know. I'm a huge fan of Katie Heller and she was having a program about how to start a podcast. And I wasn't even sure that I'm going to start after I finished the program, but I was so inspired by all the other women out there who just said, okay, I'm going to do it.
And I went for, , English because I wanted to reach a broader audience. Although now that I look at my stats, it's mainly Bulgarian moms that listen to me. But the good side is that I can talk to all those guests around the world and learn about their approaches to parenting. And it's really helping me be a better mom.
And, , I'm still uncomfortable doing it in English because I'm always [00:03:00] thinking about the mistakes that I'm going to make, my pronunciation. So it's still being very vulnerable in being out there in the spotlight, even though in my personal life, that's not my favorite place. I prefer to be on the listening side and take it in.
But it's, it's good. And, during the, the program, I was like, okay, what is my next best step? I wasn't sure where this is going to lead me, what the bigger picture is. I just knew that at this moment, I wanted to, to start a podcast and see where it goes. Yeah. And it's funny cause I was at that bootcamp as well as you are.
And. I also, I never even really listened to podcasts, let alone thought I was going to start one, but yes, Kathy Heller is very inspiring. And yeah, you leave there just thinking you can do this, but then you get there, right, Billy? And, and then it's like that first recording and [00:04:00] having to really say something, put yourself out there.
What were some of the fears that you felt? Those initial days that you were about to start your podcast, I was really afraid that I will mess it up. I'm kind of like a perfectionist. I like to have things, , in my control to be able to, just know what's going to happen next, how people are going to take it in.
Are my friends going to love it or not? And then something, I think Kati said, or. One of the people in the group that, you know, people don't care that much about what you do. It's not like you think. They have their own lives, their own struggles. Even if you mess up, they're going to forget it. And the people who do care are actually appreciating your vulnerability and your honesty and you're inspiring them by being uncomfortable in public.
And I just was, okay, [00:05:00] what's the worst thing that could happen? Well, I could mess it up. , it could be a flop, you know, um, nobody's going to listen to that. They're all going to think of what is she trying to do? Who is she to, uh, create a podcast and have us listen to that. And I was like, okay.
Most of our fears never actually happen, we realize, you know, we, we picture the worst case scenario. So let's try and see what happens. Even if it flops, I'm back at where I started. If I do nothing, I'm still here. So let's just try and see. Yes. I feel like one of my biggest fears was also just saying something that might offend somebody, you know, whatever I said, I didn't want to hurt anybody.
I didn't want to say the wrong thing. Right. And then. I would say, and you probably feel this too, after like, you know, 50 episodes in, you're kind of like, oh no, I'm going to show up real, right? Real life moms. This is how it is. This is how I'm going to [00:06:00] be. And I do think, you know, the big thing around that course that we took, which was so lovely, was show up messy, right?
Because messy actually moves the needle, just like you were saying, If I don't do anything, I'm going to be in the same spot, right? If I do something and it doesn't go anywhere, I'm going to be in the same spot. Like, so what's the difference, right? So just show up as you are, give it a try. And at least you're not in the same spot as you started because you've actually done it.
So I love that. And the difference is that you've learned a lot along the way. So many things that I couldn't do, like, um, create beautiful images in Canva or promote my, podcast on Instagram, doing reels on Instagram, something I wouldn't ever do. So little things that, create your identity, like I'm the person who can do that, who can show up, , for a reel in Canva.
In Instagram, I'm the person who can, learn [00:07:00] how to, to do all these little tasks that are connected to podcasting. So this is good for you because you're like more confident. You're ready for the next thing. If, if the podcasting doesn't work or it's not what you're really excited about after a few months, then you can move to another thing.
But with this confidence in the back of your mind that you're a person who can do that. So true, so true. I learned so much from every little piece of this podcast, right? From like, I think, honestly, turning on a computer. I didn't even use Zoom early on because I was so afraid to connect with somebody.
So the first year and a half, I did it all on my phone. It was through a link. And that was it. I didn't see the people, nothing because I knew how to use my phone, right? But I didn't know how to use Zoom, right? And then I stepped out of my comfort zone. I was like, no, I'm going to use Zoom and, and figure it out.
And, and that's the thing is like, you're right. Like you learn these new little [00:08:00] skills and they build up. And then the next thing that you have, it's like, okay, something's challenging. All of a sudden you know you have the confidence to say, well, I've done hard things before and now I can do hard things again, even if I don't know how, even if I don't, it's not going to be perfect.
Um, it's not as you're not as afraid to put yourself out there, and one of my favorite quotes is God plays the best things in life on the other side of fear. So he intentionally does the things he fears because, you know, we're happiest when we are growing and we are more fulfilled and we are growing when we are.
getting out of our comfort zone. If we stay there, we're just getting bored. And we actually crave this, excitement, this, , variety. I know. I'm always so pumped from. Every conversation I have on my podcast because I learned something from each and every person that I meet. And so I feel like for me, it's such a [00:09:00] gift because I get to have this knowledge and I get to ask all the questions that I want to learn about.
So, yeah. So. So we're just saying this one step that felt a little scary. Neither one of us ever thought we were going to start a podcast when we went on this bootcamp. We just wanted to listen and be a fly on the wall, but we got inspired and we took that first step to do something with it. Now, I do know it is hard to take the first step.
So what were some of those like go to tools that really got you to maybe move forward in doing this? One of the things is just reframing that, feeling scared. And these butterflies in your stomach, the tightness in your chest, it feels the same way in your body as when you're excited. So just reframing that makes it like Approaching, um, challenges more positively, and it helps a lot.
It helps much more like, Oh, I'm excited to do [00:10:00] this interview with Lisa. And then I'm scared I'll mess up. I'll have a blank stare and don't know what to say. So it feels much better when I say I'm excited to do that., That's one of the tools. And then the other one, as I think about it, I learned about that later, but it still helps me to these days.
I learned a lot about feelings. During my certification for a parenting coach, and that feelings are neither good nor bad, and they all have a purpose. So the feeling of fear is trying to tell us that there is something we need to prepare for. It's evolutionary. It's gearing your body for action. So if I'm scared to do something, maybe I need to spend more time preparing for it, to go through some scenarios, just to know how to respond in the moment if that happens.
And being prepared helps a lot to feel more confident. Another thing [00:11:00] is just learning , to be comfortable, but with the uncomfortable. Like, it's accepting that it's going to feel like that. So just go with it. Yeah, and I'd also add to that a little bit is that looking at the steps, like, you know, the end result for us, right, is having a podcast go out, but what's that first mini step that.
You can do and I think that helped me a lot too is that just taking one step forward and not having to think about like having the whole thing done and then say, Okay, well, what's the next step? I could do that, you know, turn on the computer. That was said, I mean, get a guess. Step two, you know, like just simple little steps that make it less scary to I think, Helps too.
Getting having people around you that do the same thing. So there's a support network. Like when sometimes you feel like, Oh, I don't want to do this. And then you hop on a call with your friends who are also. [00:12:00] So at the same stage and you're just inspiring each other, okay, let's keep doing this and see where it goes.
So this is really important. You and all the other girls that were in our community really helped me a lot. Yeah. And yeah, a support system, whatever it is, whatever you're about to try, like, Definitely surrounding yourself. And we say this all the time, surrounding yourself with like minded people that can keep you inspired and going forward and problem solve and just be there for you when things do get a little like messed up and you're like, uh, it's so nice to have that community for sure.
And also one more thing, remembering why are you doing this? When you started, you were like, okay, I want to, I want to create a podcast and I want to, say something and I have a purpose. I want to educate moms about other ways of parenting, being firm and kind, focusing on connection over correction. So this is my.
Why getting this message out there. So [00:13:00] even when it's tough, I'm just going back to my why. And you know, I recently got an email from a listener and I rarely do, you know, sometimes you, you feel like you're talking into the void, but I got this message and the woman said, your podcast helped me through a really tough time last year.
And I was like, Oh, if this helped even one person, it's all worth it. So remembering why you're doing it. Oh, I love that. Those occasional comments, emails are so important. And you're right, that is such a big thing to think about is your why. , whatever the uncomfortable situation might be for you, when you go back to the why and why you're doing it, it helps So much stay on track and I think the why can change like I know for me it totally changed with the podcast because my initial why was that we were in the pandemic.
I was a pediatric physical therapist and I had all these [00:14:00] parents that with newborns and I was the only mom they've met, you know, and I'm like, okay. That can't be good because my mom friends are so important to me. And so I really wanted to build a connection for moms. And so that's what sparked my why, but then what I really learned.
And I think this is what the journey is. If you keep going on it, what I really learned. was that my passion was for helping moms themselves really prioritize themselves. Right. Which is also let's face facts what I needed as well. Right. And, you know, as the journey continued, what I realized was, you know, the mom I'm probably helping the most.
is myself because I get to talk to moms like you and all other moms that have such great advice information out there that they're willing to share. And yeah, so the why can continue to change even as you grow, which is so cool too. That's so true, and it's beautiful. I love your, [00:15:00] both of your why's.
And I think you, you are out there too, helping so many moms with your podcast. Now if you think back along your journey, what was the biggest speed bump in the road? I got overly focused on how many downloads I get for each episode, like, um, tracking our people listening. , are they, tuning in and tuning out right after a minute or so?
And I got anxious. Okay. If they're tuning What does this mean about me? Like, am I so boring? Do I speak really bad English? Do they don't like my accent? And I was like, just internalizing so much of things that I don't control. Like, right now I think, what are the things I can control? And I focus on that.
Okay. I can get great guests, talk to them, learn more tools, more strategies, mindset shifts. Help myself as mom. 'cause this is free education. Talking to so many experts without buying their [00:16:00] programs, so, yay. That's great. . And then even if a few people listen, it's still good. It's, it's still helping them.
It's , still helping me grow even if, uh, I'm not a top podcast, and just. I learned not to, to look at the numbers that much because it's just the comparison game. Like, this podcast is top 1%. I'm just top 5%. And, , how is she better than me? That doesn't end well. Yeah. So the comparison game.
And I think a lot of us do that, compare, right, no matter what you're doing. And I think that's a hard thing to definitely let go of, but I have to say when you do let go of that and you go back to your why, there's so much more beauty in what you're doing, right? And it feels so much more comfortable, right?
Like we, . Start out things like, okay, I really want to do this thing, whatever it [00:17:00] is. And when you go out there and you do it, the first thing you're doing is like looking around, like who sees me, why am I doing anything wrong? Oh my God, that person's doing it so much better than me. Right. Like all this stuff.
But if you just let go and you say, you know what, I just want to. Inspire moms to prioritize themselves, to care for their wellbeing, to put themselves on their to do list. And that's what I want to do. And that's what I'm going to do. Whether one person listens, a hundred people listen, who knows, who cares, but I'm getting my message out.
I feel good, right? And then some of that discomfort actually melts away a little bit when you're not comparing anyone and you're just doing the thing that you're Love and you're enjoying. Exactly. Very well said.
Well, what is one thing you wish you knew? Like if we can flash back time to when we've all first started. What is one thing you wish someone told you in the very beginning that would have helped you [00:18:00] maybe ease the journey? I think I went in very prepared because I took the course and Cathy was, telling us all about these, bumps along the road. So I felt prepared. Maybe just telling people that it's hard work. It, so many people are saying it's so easy to start a podcast. You don't need much. You need, don't need much equipment.
It's exciting. And then there's the real work. Like you have to crave out time for recording the thing, looking for, uh, guests, then editing in, then promoting it. Like promoting to takes so much time and I don't enjoy it because I don't like to be on social media. Just. knowing that it's a lot of hard work and it's not just a sidekick that you can do while you're on your full time job.
, I mean, you can, but you have to be prepared that it's work and it takes time. Yeah. Yeah, it is work. And it does take time. I mean, I enjoy it. I work full [00:19:00] time, but it's, it's definitely takes a portion of time. And it's funny because it does get easier. So I think whatever you do, whether it's a podcast or whatever you're doing, you get better and you get more efficient, right?
The more you do it. And I, it's funny when I look back, I'm like, my first episode that I recorded took me two weeks to edit, two weeks, because it was, wow. The, the actual sound was off and it was echoey and I was like trying to edit around everything. So it was like literally terrible. My second one took me a week and a half, just like, and I was just doing it nonstop.
I mean, my husband's like, you would go in the basement for like days and just be gone. And now I record. And I would say within an hour, I have a podcast ready to go. And it's all about, um, letting it be messy, right? Because you don't edit that much [00:20:00] and you're not trying to be so perfect. I'm still editing a lot, so I have to work on that.
And I'm just mad that, , you cannot be in the big leagues, having your podcast as a sidekick. Like, the big guys that are doing it on YouTube with perfect sound and cameras from all angles. It's a full time job. So, yes. And they have staff. They have staff. That's different. , Billy and I are one man shows here.
So, you know, we do it all. We edit, we promote. We are the staff, right? Right. . And so that would make it, it's a full time job. But for us, it's. Not full time, but we work really hard at it, and we hope that you guys are enjoying the show. It's free education for me. That's how I put it in my mind.
I enjoy it because it's education. I have learned so much. So much, like I said, from so many guests that it's not, not even funny. It's really changed [00:21:00] my life. So let me ask you this. How has the podcast changed your life? Immensely like even what I'm doing right now, the, parent coaching thing.
It came out because I invited my former, uh, coach, Wendy Snyder on the show as a guest. I just wanted to interview her , I'm. I met her, I think, seven years ago when I was, struggling with two young kids and I had my third baby on the way and I was like, okay, there's gotta be another way of raising kids.
So, I wanted to have her on the show to share about her approach. And then we got talking and she said she's, having a certification program. later this year. And I was like, Oh, that might be my next step. You know, talking about the, the, what's your next step. I didn't know where this will lead me, but I knew I wanted to master, her parenting approach.
So I wanted to go deeper and I went for the certification. And then I [00:22:00] gained the confidence that, okay, I could help other moms be the moms they want to be. Okay. tools and then I, right now I have three coaching clients two months after my certification, so I'm really glad I did that though. It, it gave me a direction right now.
I know I want to be a parenting coach and grow this business, get out there. And I didn't know a year ago, so the podcast really changed my life. . And that's a good point that you, you said, because. You have to follow the steps. You were doing something that you normally do. You were on the podcast, you had this guest and they had an offer.
Now a lot of us would say like, oh, I can't do that. Or I'm fearful to be a coach, or whatever it is, and not do it. But when things like that do fall on your plate and you feel like, what was the feeling when you like heard like, oh, certification. Was there a certain feeling in your body that you recognized [00:23:00] when she said that?
It was the butterflies in my stomach. Ah, there's butterflies. Yes, the butterflies. Yeah, asking myself, can I do that? Do I want that? And when I got clear that I want that, I just went for it. It was a huge investment at the time, but thankfully my husband supported me and said, okay, go for it. Yeah, so you get the feelings for you.
It's butterflies. I think for a lot of us, it's butterflies, actually, this like exciting feeling in us. And he recognized that, right? Like, that's huge. And then the other part that's huge is then, and then actually taking action, right? Because a lot of us get excited and stop there. So a lot of us are fearful, then we get excited.
You know, and we can stop at any point, but like taking that action, nothing happens unless you take that action. And now you have actual clients just only two months after. So that's amazing. Yeah, it is. And also, you know, a lot of people, a big percentage of [00:24:00] people that buy courses don't actually finish them.
So, okay, you get excited, you invest, you take the first step, and then it gets tough. They ask you to do something that you're not really comfortable with. Like, uh, during the, the program, it was seven months. intense coaching. So we had to have our own clients during the process. We had to create reels and put them on Instagram.
And it was a lot. And some people didn't finish, but just when, when you are committed, you have to, you're, you're really showing up when you decide I'm committed, I'll do that. I'll finish the course. Yeah, and it's exactly actually taking the next step, even when it's scary. I mean, for me, honestly, Like, being a podcast host, that was scary.
Even scarier, for me, actually, is being a guest on a podcast. Because, being a, right, and I know [00:25:00] this is scary for you too, Billy, because we've talked about this. But, when you're a host, you're in charge, right? Like, I can ask any questions I want. I know what I'm going to do. Or, I'll kind of know what I'm going to do.
But, as a guest, you don't know what's coming at you. And so, that was really scary. So, for me, Being a guest and starting to be a guest because people would ask as a host, people ask you to be a guest and you're like, okay, you know, so just start to do it. And then, and then what came from that was then people started asking me like to speak about.
You know, my own private practice work and they'd asked me to speak in front of a group in public. And so even just this month, one of my goals was to actually start speaking in front of groups and I got to go to a dentistry office and talk about my private practice in front of a group of people. I would never In person!
I know no notes in front of you. Oh my god, you're a hero. It was, yeah. Yeah. Right? In person. And I have to say it was the [00:26:00] best experience. I like loved it. I didn't even know I would love that type of speaking, but I would never have been able to do it if I didn't say yes to that first step of being uncomfortable and just starting a podcast.
Oh yeah. There's so much growth in the journey. Yeah. So much growth. So whatever people are listening to and the thing, like, I hope that the thing that they're thinking of, like, oh, I really want to start this, a business, a podcast, a book, whatever it is, a job interview, like all we're saying is take that first step because that's going to start changing your life.
And also think about what really moves the needle because there are so many little tasks around the podcasting or to think, people choose. And there are a lot of them that don't actually bring the income, don't actually bring the clients, and there is the action that you're really. Trying to avoid is the one thing that we're going to move the needle and [00:27:00] I had a situation like that.
Right now for this coaching business, I need to create a website. I need to create an online presence in Instagram and then. I can also post in some Facebook groups where moms hang out and tell them what I'm really doing. And that's how I got my clients doing this one action before having a website, before doing all that fancy stuff, because I decided to take action in this direction.
Yeah. And that just also brings me to the point, no matter what you're doing, Tell people, tell people what you're doing. There's a few reasons I think for this, because one, if you tell people, it's going to hold you accountable to actually do it. True. And two, people need to be able to find you and know what you're doing.
Like, for the first year of podcasting, I didn't tell any of my friends. They didn't know I was podcasting. I went to work one day. I know, right? Because I was like, I was not there yet. I didn't want people to listen. [00:28:00] And I went to work one day and they're like, you have a podcast? I'm like, yeah, it's been going on for like a year.
They get no idea. So it's, and I still have friends that probably have no idea either, but I'm, I'm getting better. But yeah, be proud of what you do. because then people can find you whatever your service is or maybe they can help you and they'll keep you accountable because they'll say hey did you start this yet did you do this yet and and you need that you need people who are on your side like cheering you on so yeah tell people.
I didn't even tell my my parents and my in laws because I really wanted It would be perfect before I tell people about it. So, yeah, I feel more comfortable in front of people I don't know. My mom is my biggest fan. Thank you, mom, for listening. She listens to every single episode, so.
I did tell her what I was doing and it was great because honestly my mom will listen to me while she's having dinner. We don't live in the same [00:29:00] state so it's kind of a little piece of me with her and that makes me feel so happy. So yeah, tell people. People want to know. And one of my huge fan is my sister.
My mom doesn't speak English, so she's not able to tune in, although I'm sure she wants to, but my sister really loves what I'm doing and she has an infant right now, so it will be helpful for her. Yeah, that's so beautiful. We don't know who we're touching, but you, you're touching your sister and her kids.
So that's so amazing. I'm touching at least my mom and who knows, right? So, yeah. And that's the other thing. You don't know. who you're going to touch, but everybody touches someone when they actually do the thing that they want to do. . So we're telling moms to just go out and do it.
But like, what is their first step? Well, maybe just take the time and think about what actually excites them. What do they want to do in the world? You know, we are so, uh, into ourselves.
But when [00:30:00] we think of something outside ourselves, a bigger purpose, something I want to help people achieve this and this, it, it really gets us going. It's, , we have the energy, we have, the resources when we are trying to support other people. So maybe just think about that. How do I want to make an impact in the world?
And start with that. Yeah, that's so true. Having a purpose bigger than yourself is so, so impactful. It's so strong. So yes, I think that's such a great first step. And the other thing I want to add to that is, you don't, might perceive yourself as an expert in this area, but even if you're a few steps ahead of the people you want to help, you're still, uh, able to do that.
Like, I wasn't an expert in parenting, but I was ahead because I read the books, I did the [00:31:00] courses, I was interviewing people. So I'm still not an expert. I still mess up with my own kids, still have situations when I'm okay, what am I going to do now? But I'm a few steps ahead of my clients and I'm able to help them on their journey.
So don't let that stop you. Yeah, that's such a good point. If you've already done something, whether it's like you're a parent of teens and you're helping somebody who just had a baby, right, you've done it. So you, you can give some advice. You can, you know, a little bit more than they do. And so, yeah, that is.
So true. And people are looking for that. People want help with the things they want to do. And if you've already done it, that is such a great starting point. Well, tell the listeners where they can find you in a little bit about your podcast. My podcast is called Unlock Your Child's Full Potential.
And there I invite, other parents, educators, coaches to just, uh, share about [00:32:00] their tools, their strategies, the mindset shifts that help us build a great connection with our kids and at the same time, maintain firm boundaries. Because that's important too. In other words, how to parent in a firm and kind way.
I have a website on unlockyourchildsfullpotential.Com where you can find all the episodes and tune in on your favorite platform. And there you can also find, uh, my link if you want to work with me and have a coaching session. Everything's there. That's so great. And we'll have that in the show notes so people could just click on it and get right to you.
Well, thank you, Billy, for first of all, just coming on and sharing your experience with us and doing it impromptu as we didn't even know we were recording today. I knew. I knew. You knew. I didn't know. But thank you for being flexible. Yes, I so appreciate you. And Billy has been one of my huge support systems on my [00:33:00] journey.
So I want to thank you so much. Because if it wasn't for you, I don't know where the real life moms would be. So, thank you for. Being there for me and thank you for being on the show today. Thank you, Lisa. I appreciate it.
Thank you for listening to this episode. I hope you were all inspired to start stepping out of your comfort zone and figuring out what that first right step is for you.
If you're looking to learn more about Billy, about her podcast or her parent coaching. Just click on the link in the show notes and until next week, keep carving out time for yourself and always put yourself on top of your to do list.
