Discover Your Authentic Self with Karen Rudolf

 I

'm so glad to have you on the Real Life Momz podcast. Thank you, Lisa. What an honor and a privilege. Thank you for inviting me. Well, I know you have kind of an exciting background of just what you're doing and how you're helping so many people out there, not just moms, but so many people.

So can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Sure. I was a mom of three. Was fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom, gave up my nursing career and in the process gave up my identity and gave up a lot of my own personal self worth and became a doormat. And when divorce hit, I really had to start looking at like who I was being to support my children.

And when my former husband wanted to take the girls away, all of a sudden, it was like, I'm their first advocate and their first teacher. And what am I teaching them if I'm being weak and [00:01:00] subservient and have no identity? So. I delved into communication courses.

So between my nursing and communication, I started looking for something outside of myself. And the more I searched outside of myself, the more lost I felt. So I studied oral religion. I saw the anti neuroscience quantum physics, and I just. The world became my oyster and in the midst of it I was raising these little three moldable children and reminding myself consistently that I'm their first teacher and who was I going to be.

That was really the catalyst that started Tranquil Solutions because when I found my own solutions from within my world expanded and personal freedom started showing up on the outside as it worked. And I love that you're talking about communication because I know part of what's important to you is communication and actually finding your own voice in that.[00:02:00] 

Can you talk a little bit more about that, finding your own voice and maybe even how we can find our own voices? Because I do think that's really hard for moms. It's really challenging for people, especially when you get lost in being a mother and a A wife or a partner , we get lost with all these like different hats.

And often when we're standing by ourselves, it's like making a decision can be 1 of the toughest things in the world. And we know how to do it. Because we're doing for everybody else. We forget to do for ourselves. And that's where a lot of the disease comes in the stress. Stress is the number one killer, right?

80 percent of people die from stress related. So knowing that it was, it became a choice for me because my health became my wealth. And again, what am I teaching? My young daughters, I had three daughters 

and yeah, I wanted them. To have every opportunity to be do and have everything that they [00:03:00] wanted, but I had to become it first. So how do you do that? Right? It starts with the inquiry with the asking, like, you know, how, where do I go? What do I search for? And I hired a coach. I hired a coach right off the bat and it didn't, ended up being the best experience I had.

But once I hired him, I had a better idea of what I wanted as opposed to what I didn't want, because now I had something to go by. I had no idea. And then next came along, I had an opportunity and I went to conference and I had an opportunity to hire Oprah's coach. And I thought if it's good enough for Oprah, it's going to be good for me.

Wow. And I realized that she was telling me what she thought I needed to hear. Other people's thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Everybody has them. So you got to stop listening to everybody else, first and foremost, and start listening, going within, and learning to go within, and listen to your own heart.

[00:04:00] Because here the ego is where the monkey chatter happens, and it's all You know, emotionally driven, but when you're in the heart, that's where your song is. That's where your power is. And when we give our power away to others, that's where we get lost in it. So when my former husband went to take the girls away because he thought it was cheaper to them paying child support, as I said, I know from my dead body, and I learned to communicate and I didn't realize that I didn't know how I didn't, we don't know what we don't know until we, you know, start looking and seeking and once I delved into communication courses.

It was like I promised myself I would never be out of communication again. So I started searching I finally found a coach that worked for me and start just opened up this whole world for me. And I stepped into spirituality after I studied world religions, looking for something outside of myself.

I really got that. It's really [00:05:00] within, you know, Shakespeare talks about it in a Hamlet in 1518, I think it was. To thine own self be true. It's stated bit, you know, know thyself. So the more we get to learn and know ourselves, the more we step into that personal freedom, the life fulfilled, dreams fulfilled, whatever you want to frame it, however you want to frame it, but it's really.

Stopping and pausing and really. Reminding yourself. You're important. You're not only you're important, but you're worthy. And what are you teaching and translating to those around you? Because if you're saying that you're not enough, people pick up on that. That's energy. Everything is energy and. Whoever picks up on your energy is going to say, well, you're giving me permission to treat you like crap, whether you realize it or not, which is going to cause your disease, which is going to cause you to be weakened.

So we can link [00:06:00] later on. So. Part of a program that I'm creating for the new year is really about anti inflammating the whole of your life. So when I say holistic on my website, if you get my website, it's with a W in parentheses, because it's, it's, it's not just one area. When I look at my clients, I don't look at just one area.

You come to me with, Oh, I have a relationship problem. Well, if you have that. I'm willing to bet you've got this, this, this, this, you're just not seeing it because it is a tapestry and it's all interwoven. So we'll start mapping it out. We start looking at it from the, the mental, the emotional, the physical, the spiritual, the financial relationship, as well as the immediate environment, because your external is going to be a perfect reflection of your internal 

YEah, that's, that's huge. 

What is the first step for people who are struggling just Being able to feel like they can even [00:07:00] hear anything that they're they're saying in themselves, right? Well, we've been conditioned right? It's a habit like anything else. It's a habit. So from for instance, right? I have allowed myself to be conditioned to think that I wasn't enough.

I Conditioned myself to think I was stupid. I had an incident and this is where it usually starts between the ages of three and six something happens And we make it mean we have an expectation and we make it mean whatever we make it mean. And then all of a sudden we start looking for evidence. So, then between the ages of 6 and 13, we now have evidence.

 We believe our stories because we've been running them for so long.

So it's called pattern interrupt. And we have to really get present to what it is that is going on and on and on. Uh, when I was five or so, I remember being a very studious child that I sat in the front row and it was like yesterday, I closed my eyes and see it. It was that real for me. And it usually is [00:08:00] that first thought of reality that you can close your eyes and get to.

And the teacher, I raised my hand and I said, I don't have enough time aging myself. We had tiles for spelling letters and a blackboard. I had a blackboard too. Okay. Yes. And now they have smart boards, you know, so at any rate, the teacher came over and she's laughing hysterically. Well, I didn't get it. And she comes over to my left side, puts her hands on my left shoulder and she points to the back of the room to the blackboard and I turn my little body and I'm looking back there and it says April Fool's Day.

And I'm looking in a blankly because my parents never did anymore, you know, I didn't know what they were talking. Everybody was laughing. All I wanted to do was crawl underneath the table. I was so humiliated that I made a promise to myself at five years old. I will never open my mouth again. I will never be ashamed again like that.

So throughout my whole educational career, it was like, I don't know, they pick on me. I don't know. And I knew the answers and I was a pretty smart kid, but I don't know. [00:09:00] I don't know became the habit. So it was like when anybody would ask me a question, I was like, I don't know. I don't know how to do it. Do it for me, whatever.

And I became codependent as a result of that. There's always a cause and effect. So when you get present to the impact we're having around us and being 100 percent responsible for our actions, responsibility is responding rather than acting. So we're doing what we do without thought. And your words create your reality.

So if I'm telling myself I'm stupid, stupid is going to start showing up all around me because now I'm looking for evidence subconsciously, right? So if you look at an iceberg, for instance, You know, 5 percent of the top of the iceberg is our conscious mind. The subconscious 95 percent is running the show.

So the more you pick at it and pull it out and go, Oh, this is the ugly truth. I don't like this one anymore. I'm letting this one go and I'm shifting that energy because remember I said everything [00:10:00] is energy. It's like we get to excavate it and shift to get the ability to shift our lives by owning our truth.

And the more you do it, the more you step into it, the more truth arises. The more you start feeling more like yourself, the more free you feel, the more light you feel and people start showing up in that clearing, which is like pretty amazing. It's coming out of the darkness into the light and it's scary out in the light because we've been living in this dark shell for so long that we've called our life and we don't know what we don't know of it.

Then I, I refer to it this way and I'm sure all your listeners could relate to this very easily. I referred to a car because most of us all drive. Or have driven at one point and if you think about the very first time you got behind the wheel you had your mother your father or some significant person by you and they turn to you and [00:11:00] they hand you those car keys and you're sitting there with this incredible excitement like I can't wait to do this.

Life, right? What do I do? How do I do it? As you're sitting there with the keys in your hand, go like this, right? And it's like, do I mess with the mirrors? 1st, do I buckle my seatbelt? Do I move my chair? And then all of a sudden. You practice, the more you practice, now you get behind the car, years later, you don't even think about doing, it's creating new habits. But you have to identify the old ones that aren't working for you. And the first step is really having a willingness to want to change.

Know your why. My why was my children. You know, I was their first advocate, and I was not letting them leave my side. So you know, that was a huge why for me, 

 so we're moving into the new year. And I know people are constantly thinking of goals. I mean, I happen to love [00:12:00] New Year's It's like one of my favorite times because I really try to reflect and then think about how I want to show up in the new Year, so I love your concept because you're kind of anti inflaming Your life 

so can you tell us a little bit about that? And just how, how are you going about that as you move into the new year? Yeah, great question. Uh, well for myself, right, it always begins with self. It always begins with self. As a servant leader, I learned for myself so I can give back. 

Right. So coming out of a major accident in Costa Rica last January, I, one of my favorite things to do is go horseback riding on the beach. . And, um, the horse spooked and I went flying six feet in the air, landed on my butt and fractured my, pelvis.

I severed my femur and, uh, [00:13:00] dislocated my back. And I was told there's a chance that I wouldn't be walking. And I was like, No, that's their story. It doesn't have to be mine because words create reality. Right. So I'm in a foreign country. I don't speak the language and I have surgery down there. And now the road to recovery once I get home was, you know, coming from a nursing perspective is.

You know, pain is caused by inflammation, not into pain today. So how can I start anti inflamming my physical well being? And of course that was with nutrition and supplements and, and then as I'm laying there in the space of recovery. I started looking. Well, it was all out of pocket for that trip, you know, and it was all out of pocket for the hospital down there.

So they didn't take insurance. So now I'm looking at my finances differently. And I started saying, well, wow, like, where can I start anti inflammatory finances? And that's where my, the journey of this started for this year. And then I started looking at it. Why am I going to [00:14:00] hold on to this? Because it's been successful for me looking at all aspects of my life.

I started anti inflammating my relationships, you know, people come into our lives for a reason or season, and maybe they're not. It's necessarily serving the highest and best good of all. And why are we holding on to him? Because we feel guilty. Why? You know, if they're bringing us down and bringing a, you know, you're the sum total of the five people you hang out with.

And if they're sucking the life out of you, they're not serving you. It's not doing you any justice. So I've learned to let go. Is it easy? No, it's not. I had a 32 year relationship with a girlfriend that I just had to let go but I'm happier now, 

so I started anti inflame in my relationships, and then I anti inflammed. You know, where am I spiritually? Yeah, that was a huge part of my healing process. So I started looking at all of that and all of a sudden it was like a clean sweep and I went, wow, I'm going to put this out there [00:15:00] for the new year.

And one of the things I do with my clients, I don't believe in goal setting per se. I believe in tension setting because most schools historically have been, you'll do it. Maybe go to the gym till the 31st of January, and then all of a sudden something happens and you stop doing it. What is going to have you shift that energy, because everything is energy, what's going to have you shift is a commitment to your why.

When you really get present to why you're doing something, everything changes. And then you look at what worked from the year before, what didn't work, right? Your reflection, a lot of reflection work. I'm a huge fan of journaling. 

And I give specific journaling that creates new neural pathways and new habits. So you start looking at it in a broader, deeper embodiment of that energy that you're becoming this, becoming this, that all of a sudden it's like you expand because life is [00:16:00] expansive.

You know, and as moms we contract because we're so busy doing mom and we're so busy doing we forget of ourselves. And as we're expanding we forget that we're our first teacher. Now it becomes their norm. What they grow up seeing becomes their norm. So what do you want them to see? That's a big why. That would be a big, that was a big why for me.

But when you start reframing it and looking into that context, you know, the more you start reflecting and then set your intention And then all of a sudden, after you set your intention, you start looking at three action steps. Keep it simple. Like, don't bite the whole elephant. We, oh, I'm going to do this for the new year.

I'm going to do this, that, and that. And yet it's like a million dollars. Well, how do you get to a million dollars? One bite at a time, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. 

And once you get traction, then there's no stopping it. 

 I'm hearing about, you know, the why, [00:17:00] you know, like, it seems like that is like one of the key puzzle pieces to moving into this new year and creating intentions.

So I find that very difficult, actually finding your why, um, You know, yes, you can say, Oh, my why is for my kids or whatever, but, but really finding that thing that makes you tick makes you move forward makes you excited. Do you have little tricks on how to even go about sitting in and finding that it's meditating and being still.

Right. We're busy, busy, busy, busy, chatter, chatter, chatter until you find that stillness. I mean, people ask me all the time, how do you meditate? Well, how do you meditate, right? There is no right way. It doesn't have to be sitting there going home. I meditate in nature. I connect with nature when I get stressed out.

I go to nature [00:18:00] and then all of a sudden I feel grounded. I breathe. Breathing is the perfect tool because you carry it with you. It's free. We don't stop and pause enough to take that deep breath. And by taking a deep breath, you're actually pausing. Even momentarily to oxygenate your brain to think clearly,

we don't think about the physiology. Like I said, everything is connected. So it's really taking that pause moment and saying what's important to you. What do you want? Most people don't even know what they want. They can tell me what they don't want., but they forget to look at it and sometimes it's just so I'll give them an assignment, right?

All the things you don't want. Let's start there, right? What's the opposite of that on a piece of paper, fold it in half. Here's what I don't want. And then go down that list and say, what works for you? What feels good? Check in with yourself.

When you're checking into a feeling, you're in the heart space. Right? The soul space. You're not in the monkey chatter. You're getting out of the ego. The ego is there to protect [00:19:00] you. Right? We want the ego there, but we don't want it running the show.

 When you get to that good feeling. That's when you know, you fit it. That's your intuition. So, and this is what becomes that part of you and the more you practice that, the easier it becomes.

But you have to pause, you have to stop and at least acknowledge its existence. The more you know yourself, the more you can go through with grace and ease. So it's really getting down to that. And once you know what you want, you have a better idea of why. I mean, if I asked you, Lisa, you know, what was your why from creating this podcast?

I'm sure you'd be like, you know, because you're passionate about it, but something new. Inspired you which inspired you to take action to become to be doing to have that. That's like anything else. Yeah. Whether it be your podcast or, you know, another endeavor, another endeavor, another endeavor, it always.

If you're really living your passion, [00:20:00] if you're really living your purpose, it will always get down to that feeling of, of alignment. You'll feel aligned. You'll feel happy. It'll bring you joy. That's from the heart space. Yeah. And I keep hitting my head and I keep saying, can I have more than one why? Does it have to be one Y?

Yeah, because like listening to you, I feel like I always get this feeling that you'll, you have to have one Y. Like one main thing, but listening to you makes me feel like, oh, I can have a lot of Ys. Why'd you marry the person or your partner or whatever, right? Why? Why did you decide to have kids? Why do you do what you do? I mean, there's a why for everything. There's a bigger why for everything, and there's an umbrella why. Right? So what's your umbrella? Why, when you're aligned, you're being integrous to your word, to your personal mantra for whatever you wanna call it. There's that, that knowingness. That just [00:21:00] keeps driving you and driving you. 

Oh, I love that. So, I'm feeling that words, your why, this inner power, those are all pieces to this puzzle as we move forward into this new year. So, what is something that moms can do that are listening that you want them to take away from today's episode? Well, what comes to me intuitively is to your own self, BE TRUE first and foremost, it's like, it's a choice.

You know, you choose to change or not, not as still a choice, right? So you can just go along doing what you're doing, but don't complain about it because no one really wants to hear it anyway, or you could choose to change it. When you change, your whole world will change because those around you will change.

And that often means the people around you, because remember I said the five people you hang out with. I mean, I remember [00:22:00] when my kids were young, I hung out with other moms. Was it the best influence for myself and my kids? Not always. So you shift, right? You're drawn to those that you're attracted to for a reason or a season.

It doesn't mean forever. So, you know, look at what's going on in your external world. How are you feeling internally? You know, if it doesn't feel good, then pause and like, look at that. It's not always easy to look at. Life is never always easy, but when you do, I promise you on the other side, you take that deep breath and go, why was I holding on to that?

You know, learn to let go, learn to just take a risk and dive in because you're worth it. And most people forget that. Yeah. And it's always nice to hear. And it's always nice to hear. So hang around with people that are going to tell you that. Exactly. I like to say I'm the wind beneath my client's wings.

You know, who's the wind beneath your wings? You know, maybe [00:23:00] it could be a spouse, but maybe it's not your spouse. Maybe you can't get what you need from that particular person, but can you get it from a girlfriend? Can you get it from somebody else? where you're getting that lift because not there's no person on earth that can give you every single thing you need except you.

So where can the listeners find you? Well, certainly, my website, www. tranquilsoulutions.com. Um, uh, if they go to the website, there's a free book there. It's all about anti inflamming your life, which is. New year, new you. Why wait? What are you waiting for? Don't wait for the new year. Begin now. I mean, I get the new year starting, but don't wait to do your goal, your intention setting or your goals or whatever you're going to call it.

It's a word, you know, do something now because it will just be more of the same, more of the same until you choose to create a different habit. [00:24:00] So, uh, tranquil soulutions. Uh, dot com, Karen Rudolph, Facebook Tranquil 

Soulutions, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, uh, reach out. You know, and I'm very accessible. I answer all of my posts.

So anytime anybody reaches out to me with a question, if you're part of my group, I do a, um, question answer where just hit me, hit me with it, and I, I am a giver, right? Givers get so, um. So happy to be of support in any way, shape or form that I can. Awesome. I love that you said, why wait to the new year?

I'm actually going to celebrate New Year's tomorrow. And it's not New Year's yet because, um, I was thinking that I love New Year's and I'm so excited and we have some fun plans. And I was like, why am I waiting? Three more days when I can start tomorrow. So I'm going to do that. So I love that you said that.

Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for coming and talking to us and sharing your wisdom with us and just different ways to think about [00:25:00] things and having us try, just try something a little different shift, having us shift a little bit in our thought process. Exactly.

It's all about the perceptions.