I recently had the amazing chance to chat with Katherine Wintsch, founder and CEO of The Mom Complex and author of "Slay It Like A Mother", on the Real Life Momz podcast. We discussed the origins of self-doubt and what we can do to handle it.
She shared with me that according to her research, 75% of the time, a woman's self-doubt starts during or before adolescence. This could be from significant trauma such as abuse, neglect, rape, sexual assault, abandonment, or even seemingly minor infractions like someone calling you fat or breaking your heart. She emphasizes that self-doubt often intensifies for women when they become mothers. This is due to the immense pressure on them to balance career, family, and household responsibilities, among other expectations. Consequently, this can leave them feeling inadequate, with an extra 150 reasons to doubt themselves daily.
Social media can contribute to self-doubt, as we often compare our worst moments to others' highlights and successes. Teenagers especially are often overwhelmed by the pressure to have the “perfect” picture to post, creating a sense of perfection that is hard to keep up with. It is important to remember that social media can also create a positive highlight reel for ourselves to remind us of all the good in our lives.
Now that we know when and why self-doubt starts, what actions can we take to address it?
Suppressing our emotions and refusing to express them is detrimental to both our mental and physical health. And the sad thing is a lot of people are doing it because they think they're alone, but they're not. “Everyone is struggling, but we don't have to suffer.” And in the book Slay It Like a Mother, Katherine talks about the difference between struggling and suffering. She explains, that struggling is brought on by external circumstances, like having to cook dinner five days a week or having a family member with a severe illness. But suffering is when we yell at ourselves and beat ourselves up for having those struggles or not handling them better. “The goal is to struggle and not to suffer,” says Katherine.
So, one way to overcome self-doubt is to pay attention to the way you speak to yourself and to teach your inner voice “some manners.” For example, when you think something negative, you can turn it around with a more factual and positive perspective. You can also practice acknowledging the times when you are proud of yourself or when you feel good about yourself. If you keep practicing these steps, they will become more natural over time.
To learn more about Slaying Self-Doubt, listen to this week's Real Life Momz Podcast with Katherine Wintsch. Click on the link for the entire episode at https://www.reallifemomz.com/s5e11 Or watch on YouTube at https://youtu.be/GRAoxMoBJB4
Click on the link to grab your copy of Slay It Like A Mother, by Katherine Wintsch
Lisa Foster, Host of Real Life Momz Podcast
